driftfleet | Iskaulit Mingle - Problems with Psychics

[There's magic practically spilling from Fenris and Anders can sense it long before he comes across the elf himself. Where this any other day, Anders might have been baffled as to why magic and Fenris were existing anywhere near each other, but with Beverly having accidentally ended up with his powers only yesterday, he could make a good guess.

As Fenris came into view, Anders was quick to cast his own spell, dispelling the magic threatening to burst out at any second. It wasn't a permanent fix, but it was something.]

The more worked up you make yourself, the worse it will get.

[Normally, just hearing Anders' voice would put his back up. He'd be guarded and angry- but things aren't exactly the same between them these days. Besides, the familiar tone at least pulls him out of his spiralling panic. He feels the magic dispel, feels sick to his stomach that he knows what it is, that he can feel it at all.

He clenches and releases his hands, staring at them, as if they were alien to him. How is this happening? ]

I don't understand what's happening.

[His guard is fractured, he's allowing the weakness to show, something he'd not normally tolerate around Anders. But now is not the time for pride, right now, he's as dangerous as any mage he's harassed with his own anti-magic leanings. He needs to control it. Lest he kill someone. ]

How do you make it stop?

[In every sense of the word. ]

[Sympathy was not something he was used to feeling with Fenris, it wasn't the first time it had happened here in the Fleet, but it still felt alien to him. But, strange or not, he was feeling it now; Fenris needed help, for his sake and for the sake of those around him.]

It doesn't stop, Fenris, it's always there. At least feel assured knowing this isn't permanent, someone ended up with my magic as well, this is just a trick of Atroma's. [But that didn't stop things now. Soon, the mana would start building in Fenris again and he'd just be in the same place.]

Take a deep breath. I know it isn't easy, but count the seconds you breathe in and out. Keep a count for six. The magic is tied to a lot of things, but your emotional state is one of them.

[Fenris isn't used to taking advice- even less so from Anders. But he knows needs must- if there's one thing Anders understands, it's magic. Fenris may have his issues with the man, but he couldn't say Anders didn't try to control his magic.

So, he takes a deep breath in, following the instructions, trying to calm himself. He doesn't look any happier (he looks downright miserable) but at least he doesn't seem like his falling apart at the seams any more. Just..frazzled, trying desperately to keep himself from the edge of something terrible. ]

If they think this amusing, they are horribly mistaken.

[He wants to punch Atroma. All of them. ]

[Anders watches him, checking for signs that he's about to freak out again or building up too much mana too quickly, but everything seems okay for not. Well, as okay as the magic-hating elf now finding himself with magic was.

A part of him that drifted from that still-too-quiet corner of his mind, wondered if maybe Fenris would have a better understanding now, or at least be a little less hateful. He quickly decided it was better if he didn't hold his breath.]

Adawolfe has tells with some of his magic. When his emotions are growing too intense in a negative way, then he breathes a fine frost, like how your breath looks on a cold day. That should at least warn you when your mana becomes too unstable again.

...Assuming it doesn't just flare up and lash out.. [Which, with the elf's temper, wasn't that unlikely.]

New mages just coming into their powers have a hard enough time, what Atroma's done is worse: this is almost literally like giving a child a fully-grown Enchanter's power.

[And he's not pleased about it. In fact, there's an edge of anger in his tone (surprisingly) not directed at Fenris. Anders didn't usually take much offense to things Atroma did, but this he had a problem with.]

How're you feeling?

[He nods, to show he understands. A fine frost, right. He doubts he'd get much of a warning, his temper less grows than it does flare like a flashfire. Not...the best to have in this situation. He closes his eyes, trying to concentrate on his breathing, trying to maintain calm. ]

Atroma no doubt think it's marvellous for their ratings.

[Or perhaps for ulterior motives. Every time something like this happens, the more and more Fenris is convinced they're really United Earth under a different name. ]

Terrible.

[Ask a silly question... ]

[Well, okay, fair.]

I meant more like 'are you feeling like you might explode with power and/or suddenly feel the urge to freeze everything in the vicinity.' [Although, that reminds him.] I don't know if you've come across anything but the base elementals Wolfe has, but he's also a talented Force mage, so be careful or you might accidentally crush someone or send them flying into a wall.

[Which, that idea probably isn't helping much.]

Is there someplace you like to go here in the fleet that makes you calm or makes you feel safe? It might be better to go there for a little while, until you feel more in control or the effects pass.

...Unless you'd actually like to be taught how to manage the magic.

[He just wasn't going to hold his breath. It would require having an open mind.]

[Nope. None of that helps at all. He stares at his hands, hands that, normally, could reach into a man's chest and rip out his still beating heart and feels real, honest fear. Fear for what magic could do, his magic, right now. He'd always talked about how easy it could be for a mage to do real damage to someone, and this experience has cemented that idea.

But he has learned something from it. ]

I want to know how to control it. To prevent it harming anyone else.

[He knows it;s not as easy as he once believed, but his stance remains the same as it has been for a long time- sicne after his first few years in Kirkwall. Mages need to know to control their magic, or they're a danger to everyone around them. ]

I don't want to learn, I hate it. [He really growls out that 'hate' to nail the point home. ] But if I do not know how to leash it, then I am no better than the mages I despise back home.

[Ugh, even half-referring to himself as a mage made him feel wick to his stomach. Maybe he could just lock himself in a shuttle for a week and float off into space. ]

[There's vitrol in Fenris' voice and word choice and Anders can't help remembering his years in the Circle.]

Do you know how many actual mages feel the way you do right now when they get to the circle? And then they're reaffirmed over and over again how wrong and dangerous and horrible they are and never told about the good they could do. Some of them grow up hating themselves so intensely, they end their own lives. They could have helped people if only someone had taken a moment to help them instead of put them down.

[But uncharicteristic to how Anders had been before Justice's removal, he leaves it there. A window into the nature of the beast Fenris always seemed to claim to know so much about instead of a soapbox on which Anders could stand and scream into the unlistening void.]

Come on, we'll go to the cargo bay, it's more open and less likely to be damaged by the magic. If anything starts to get out of control, I'll cut your mana again and dispel the magic. Nothing will go wrong.

Edited 2017-01-08 20:40 (UTC)

[Anders started talking, and Fenris prepared himself for what was sure to be a long, increasingly irritating lecture on mage rights and how his viewpoint was wrong and shameful. It was an old dance of theirs, and he was used to the steps.

But then Anders surprised him. It was short, and to the point. And because he didn't go on and on about it, it gave time for his words to be absorbed. It meant Fenris, for a change, chose to pay attention. It didn't change his views in a moment of astounded revelation, of course, but it did stick. He would think more on that, when he wasn't dealing with this ]

Duly noted.

[It was hardly anything, to an outsider. But between them, it was a step...somewhere. If it was in the right direction or not was left to be seen. But at least one of them have spoken and the other had heard. ]

Right. Good.

[The idea is still laughable. Learning how to control magic from a man he'd hated for so long. But needs must. He may be a hypocrite a lot of the time, but he can't allow himself to be so here. He's not safe. ]

[There was no brush off, no scoff, nothing but...acknowledgement. Acknowledgement he hadn't gotten from anyone but Hawke in years. To anyone else, 'Duly noted' would sound like nothing, a from of disregard, for them...it was something else. Something Anders didn't even know how to process or react to. They were supposed to hate each other, but the last few times they'd talked...no. Another time, or maybe never, but certainly now wasn't the right time to think too much about it.]

Right.

[The journey to the cargo bay was largely silent, Anders mostly focused on what exactly he was going to do with his impromptu student; he hadn't actually thought the elf would agree to the lesson. He supposed the best way to go about it was to pretend Fenris was just some other apprentice in his temporary care. An apprentice who hated him likely as much as Aners had hated his own instructors. Wasn't that a cheery thought?

The Cargo bay was, thankfully, empty and it wasn't too hard to find an empty area in which to practice.]

Alright, first step to anything regarding magic is being able to identify and feel your own mana. I can't tell you exactly what to feel for except a kind of 'extra' energy; it feels differently to each ma- everyone. But, if you can find that vein, you can utilize, measure, and control it.

[He's glad for the emptiness of the cargo bay. Partly for his own shame in being afflicted with magic- but mostly because he doesn't want bystanders. Bystanders can get hurt. He stands there, in the middle of it, arms folded around himself, listening. It sounds a little like how he found the lyrium, how he activated it, and the comparison doesn't sit well with him at all. ]

Would it not come out in a flood? Should I find it and open that door?

[How do you TAP it, keep it safe? Keep it down. This is what he needs, even if he knows the real answer is that he can't. He just needs to learn to control it. Put it on a metaphorical leash - another comparison he finds very distasteful.]

[He almost quite literally had to bite his tongue to keep from replying too hastily. 'Are you spouting fire and ice right now? No? Then what do you think?' Would not be welcome criticism.

Reminder to self: Fenris was not Fenris right now, don't talk to him like he's Fenris or he'll do something very Fenris-like but probably with magic instead.

Anders shook his head.]

It's not like that. Opening the door does not mean the magic immediately comes out, it's inclined to bend to your will. If you don't go looking for it, you have no chance of controlling it.

Why do you think young mages learn they have magic the way they do?

[Wasn't this just funny? He was trying to teach an anti-mage/magic elf how to control magic while Anders bared his secrets to someone who couldn't care less. He always seemed to end up in less-than-favorable situations.]

I was in my family's barn, in the hay loft, I liked to play up there and there was a nice view of the mountains. I stepped too close to the edge of the loft and lost my footing, I very nearly fell off and I panicked. The next thing I knew, the hay was on fire and the rest of the building soon with it.

Fear controlled my magic because I didn't know it was there to control. You have to make an effort, just try and keep a clear mind.

[And there goes Anders again, sharing. Fenris isn't sure what has happened between them for this to be a thing now. He's not even sure if he wants it to be a thing. But it is, and there's little he can do about that.

He can't really find sympathy, but he feels...something that's not entirely contempt for Anders. It's a start. A step in a less hostile direction. ]

Easier said than done. My fear is well established.

[Danarius made sure of that much. Still, the elf closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath, trying to do ask suggested. ]

[He didn't expect sympathy or even understanding except for the concept, so a lack of reaction suits him fine. He didn't think he'd know what to do if Fenris had reacted at all. Possibly get angry, he knew himself well enough to know he didn't take pity well and certainly not from people he would take pity to mean contempt from.

Just a student he was simply trying to teach, he had to remind himself.]

I know that. [And yet Fenris still tried and that was something.

With nothing more than a small glow, Anders' Panecea kicked in, a subtle aura of healing and comfort he hoped might help. He hadn't done it a whole lot with his Fenris around, there was no way to know if this one would recognize the feeling from the Anders he knew. If it helped, it didn't matter.]

Once you're mind is calmer, reach for the mana and try taking hold of it. It's a tool in your hands, you wouldn't let your sword control your arms, don't let the magic control your head.

[He recognises it and frowns. His Anders tried it once in a while, never with great results. Fenris never really accepted the healing. It felt wrong. ]

Right. I...think I understand.

[A tool, Like a sword. The creeping feeling is still there, and he tries to press it down. Everything in his head is screaming wrongwrongwrong, but he reaches out for it anyway. He really hopes nothing explodes.]

Iskaulit Mingle - Problems with Psychics

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