driftfleet | February Windrose mingle

[Her stomach is doing flip flops. She feels like the one caught doing something wrong except it isn't really wrong. It's not like she was using it with someone else or like she was going to do anything without his knowledge and consent. Still, a hard blush has formed on her face!]

It...It's a strap on. [Which even without the ability to read brackets she realizes probably isn't the part he wants to know. She sets the water glass down because she's feeling a little shaky with nerves. She really hopes he isn't mad or offended or just anything negative, but that isn't a positive face. She tries to keep some cool though. She doesn't want them to spiral here. There's nothing wrong with this. They are two very, very...very sexual adults who love each other.]

I thought it might be something we could try someday if we were ready and we both wanted to and we don't have to!

[ his brain is the first to unfreeze - and it just takes off running, a hundred miles an hour. he hasn't thought of their time together while she was glitched since it happened, hasn't allowed himself. he tried to push it back and pretend it never happened and it was easy enough - there's always a ton going on to keep him busy, and it's not like kitty or anyone brought it up, either.

but now, he realizes, that wasn't the case for kitty. she thought about it enough to get herself this. and just like that the dam breaks and he sees her face - that wasn't her face - when they were done, hears the bliss in her voice - that wasn't her voice, it was deep. deeper than his - as she told him she could see music.

how much has she been thinking about this? has she been unsatisfied? he doesn't want to think that, that's a horrifying thought because if she was faking that than she is possibly the best liar he's ever met. but then why? did she get this...for him?

that thought is horrifying too and his face can't seem to decide if it wants to go red or pale. ]

Where'd you get this? When did you get this - why? [ the pitch of his voice is high, stressed. his heart is drumming in his ears and if this keeps up that headache won't stay fake for long. ] I know why - [ yeah blushing now he doesn't need her to tell him what it's used for. he's got that covered. ] I mean, why. [ is this for her or for him. and how critical is it if it's for her. ]

[She steps up closer to him and very gently reaches out to take both the chocolates and the strap on out of his hands if he'll allow it and set them down. She just wants to clear the way for stepping in and wrapping her arms around him. She knows it would do her a lot of good to have this conversation in a hug. She thinks he might find it reassuring too, but she won't push if he reacts badly toward any of it. She doesn't want to make him even more comfortable in this moment as he's so clearly trying to sort things out.]

Back when there were games on the Marsiva. It was one of he prizes and I was curious, so I started playing toward getting it.

[ he doesn't struggle to hold to anything, and he lets her wrap her arms around him - he even starts to instinctively wrap his around her when her answer comes and he pulls a little back so he could look at her. ]

It's from the Atroma?

[ this just got a whole lot worse for him. it's bad enough to see his account fill up after they have particularly bold sex. but this? it's like they're directly interfering with their love lives, like they're directing them in a porn. ]

Well, I wouldn't look at it like that. [She does have a thin, poorly defined line that runs between things she's okay with like spending the money they put in their accounts and eating their provided "food" when she can't find anything else or sleeping on their ships but then being horrified at the idea of personal augment upgrades. This was dangled in front of her, but she chose to get it.] It was from me.

[ it was dangled in front of her on purpose. they want to see her use it and the thought makes him feel sick to his stomach. most of the time, he manages to ignore the fact that he's constantly being watched. but this is a horrifying reminder. ]

They put it in front of you. [ oh god, who knows if it's even safe, what if it's designed to get stuck or something, for maximal humiliation? ]

[Winn, please.]

Look, I'm sorry, okay? We can throw it out. [She was worried it wouldn't go well and unsure if she even wanted to, thus putting it off this long, but she didn't expect him to look at it that way. She finds it disappointing and she's not sure why. Maybe just feeling foolish about it now. It's not a feeling she handles particularly well.]

[ that's not fair. that's not fair because he can't handle a disappointed kitty, not when he's the cause. he hasn't even had the time to wrap his head around the toy itself when its origin started freaking him out and now she's disappointed and a part of him wants to just tell her yes okay he'll do it just don't look sad, not because of him.

his legs feel weak, so he sits on the bed, pulling her with him. ]

You really want this. [ softly. he doesn't know how to feel. he doesn't trust the atroma, he hates to give them what they want, and he doesn't even know how he feels about it regardless of them yet. kitty's feelings seem easier to figure out. then again, she had more time to work them out, and it's not her identity that's going on a roller coaster here. ]

[She definitely doesn't want him doing something like that out of guilt. She curls up against him on the bed, holding close.] No. No...I just didn't want this to go like this. I shouldn't have won it. I should have just talked with you then. [Then she would have known the Atroma part was a problem and they could have picked something out at the hotel together since it had shops for things like that. Or she could have just put it out of her mind.]

I'm sorry you had to find it like that.

[ it's definitely easier to hold her now. he strokes her arm gently as he listens. ]

Were you ever gonna tell me, or was it an in case I bring it up sorta thing?

You bringing it up would have made it a lot easier. [There's a flicker of a smile.] I thought I was going to tell you. It kept not happening.

[The stroking is relaxing so she lets it relax her and she does her best to open up on her thoughts. Unfortunately there's no clear path in them.] I thought I'd do it if I was ever sure it was something I wanted to try, but I love how we are together. It's not like I need something more or different. But I did like the way things were when I was different. I mean, I hated a lot of that too, but you still made me feel so loved and attractive when I didn't feel like I could be.

I don't know, it was probably more that feeling than anything we actually did.

[ he was never going to bring it up, sorry kitty. it would've interfered with his delightful denial. ]

I can get that. [ he really can. and his relief at hearing that she is happy with the current state of affairs is massive and obvious. his heartbeat begins to calm down, and he starts to regain his clarity. ] But...I don't think that's going to bring that feeling back. It was the circumstances, not the sex. And this...you won't feel it.

You're right. I mean, I think you're right. I'm not sure exactly what it would feel like for me. [There might still be something in the friction of it. She doesn't need penetration to feel things after all.] I'd probably feel something.

And I thought...you could too.

[ last time it was her body, she got to feel him. this, he can't imagine what it would feel like. he imagines it would be weird. ]

Yeah, I would. [ he eyes it. it doesn't look appealing, lying there on their bed. it looks kinda scary. he's never used accessories in the bedroom before and he wasn't done struggling with doing that when it was her body. ]

You sound very uninterested which is extremely fine. Really. [It sounds like there is a "but" coming but she doesn't say more.]

It's also extremely fine for you to say whatever you wanna say. Actually, I prefer it.

[ he's not committing to an interest level right now. but he does want to know how she feels. ]

I feel the same. About you and me. [She leans in for a little nuzzle, before pulling back.] I was just thinking that if you don't want to do it because it doesn't seem like something you'd enjoy that's one thing. And if you don't want to do it because you're afraid of what it says about you then maybe we should talk about that more?

[ he sighs, eyes wandering to the box of chocolates. this is not how he wanted the evening to go. ]

All I wanted to do tonight was ask you to be my Valentine.

[ a little miserably. it's not an answer, and maybe in itself that is an answer. ]

[Yeah, that sounds a lot like "it's that second thing."] You are so sweet and I love you, and I would love to be your Valentine if you'll still have me.

[ it's really more of a mix, though. he doesn't know if he's into it. it looks a little menacing. ]

Okay now you're making fun of me. [ but he says it with a smile. if he'll have her, please. he thought it would be nice, to ask her. because he's not a neglectful boyfriend who takes her for granted (he is so kicking butt on that bet).

reaching for the chocolates, he hands her the box. ] It's a cheesy tradition, but it tastes good.

[Maybe it would look better if she were wearing it and nothing else?]

I would never. [She would, but mostly she just wants to treat him with some of that same sweetness. He brought her chocolates and adorable proposals and she brought him issues to address even if that wasn't intentional.] And you are more than welcome to participate in cheesy traditions with me especially if those traditions involve chocolate or cheese as long as it's on my mind. [Taking the box and opening it she picks one up and offers to feed it to him.]

[ that would definitely help, yes.

smiling, he accepts the chocolate, his lips brushing over her fingers. ]

Mmhm, it's a good tradition.

[Oh the lips over the fingers thing is very pleasantly distracting.] Agreed.

[She reaches for one for herself once she tears her eyes away from his lips.]

[ it is, and he could use pleasantly distracting. he's very decisively looking away from the strap on, but he's still very much aware of its presence, so his eyes stay glued to her. ]

[She knows that look when she sees it. She just keeps her eyes on him as she finishes the chocolate and wets her lips with her tongue.]

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