driftfleet | Iskaulit Mingle

Of course. I will start training again solely for that purpose.

If you weren't correct, I would protest. Thank you, Kitty. [And, as if this is part of the same train of thought:] Have you stopped smoking?

I knew I could count on you.

[She smiles.] Looked like something was missing?

I thought you couldn't get them here. It's not easy, but you can. But someone told me you couldn't so I was already mostly through withdraw when I figured it out. Seemed like maybe I should quit anyway. Not that I haven't had the occasional one bummed off someone.

Yes. Cigarettes were your most noticeable accessories.

Then that was helpful misinformation. I know that you tried to quit before... I'm glad that you were able to. Not as glad as your lungs, I'm sure.

I guess I smell better now, but do I look as cool? [She never exactly made a pledge to quit in Marina but the happier she was with Reid the less she did it and when things got rocky she smoke more than ever. Then again, for all she knows, she did try to quit in the time she can't remember. She wonders about that time some, but she's not sure asking is wise.]

No, unfortunately. You have sacrificed your coolness for better health and smelling good. [A part of him wishes she would ask about that time, but most of him is certain that he already told her more than she wanted to know, at least about the them-related parts.]

Have you ever considered getting a dog?

Darn the luck! [At least she already landed a guy? Yep, keeping that joke to herself.]

Uh...[Where did that come from?] Like ever "ever" or ever while I've been here?

Everything has a price.

[Hey, this all made sense in his head. Category is 'things that are different about Kitty.']

Ever ever. You got one shortly after you remember--ten days after? something like that--and it seemed very sudden. I wondered if it was entirely situational [like the smoking] or something that you had thought about previously.

Oh... [That time.] Um, Reid didn't like pets. So, I never really thought of one while I was with him because it felt like I couldn't or shouldn't. Maybe it was like burning down Tyki's bar. But less intense. Getting rid of a bridge I didn't want to use again.

But sure, I like animals. I've thought about it before.

A dog seems like a much healthier way to get rid of a bridge than a fire.

[Wait, why did he bring any of this up? Why does he talk? Or think? There's got to be a way to stop all of that.]

Er. Sorry. The things that happened after... I'll remember not to mention them again.

Personal growth. [He's not wrong. At least she hopes he's not. She felt so much more herself through the break up with Tyki. She wasn't in a great place with it, but her feelings and actions made more sense to her than the sad, and kind of pathetic girl she turned into over Reid. She didn't know she could be so crushed after everything else she'd been through.

She reaches out for Chekov's hand and gives it a squeeze.]

You can talk to me. [Maybe it's not a great idea, but she's not so broken now. She can handle it. Whatever it is. And especially if it helps him to talk about it.]

I think that it was. [Right? He thought she was doing better after really calling it quits with Reid. Much better. Maybe-someday-able-to-move-on levels of better, but the more time he spends here, the more he wonders if that was wishful thinking on his part. Maybe she was still hurting just as much as ever and he'd wanted to believe that he was helping her so much that he'd completely missed it.

He gives her hand a squeeze in return and resents himself for being the one who needs the help now.]

Thank you, but I already told you much, much more than you needed to hear.

Hey, I can decide that for myself. I am a personal growth champ, remember? [She was moving on and getting better, but she doesn't remember some of the better days she had there in the prison the way Chekov does. She remembers coming to the fleet and the distance helping her to move on and then, of course, finding Winn. She never expected anything with him beyond a little fun to help get her over things and hopefully for him to enjoy too. But of course they were both terrible at that plan.]

I hope that you aren't joking when you say that because it's true. [It's probably easier for him to see since he missed a good year of Kitty's growth and is only seeing the end result.]

[She smiles softly at him.] I see it.

It's, um, it's hard not to see the differences with Kurt here. A little slice of home. [She's not always sure every difference is a good one, but she's definitely come a long way down a very different path than she's used to traveling. It's changed her and informed who she is now.]

Good. I won't need to ask you to have your eyes checked. [There's another way that she's grown. Less self-doubt. More confidence. All good growth!

He sort of wonders if he did any growing in the three years at home and in the time that elapsed in Marina. If he did, hopefully it was good. He's a little afraid that it wasn't.]

You have said that you were very closed-off... very slow to trust, and much rougher than you were when I first met you. I don't know for certain what you were like, but I do know that who you are now is a good person who can be proud of how far she has come.

[She looks at him fondly.] Thank you, Pavel. That means a lot. [And he does know her the longest outside of Kurt now.]

You seem like you've always been kind and giving.

No need to thank me for the truth. [It's not necessarily the subjective truth since he obviously has a pro-Kitty bias.]

I see I've fooled you. [It's sweet of her to say that, it really is. He's clearly touched that she has that opinion of him.] No, thank you for saying so. I promise that there have been times when that was not at all true.

I'm sure, [because he's a three dimensional person and not some kind of trope.] but you have some pretty great net results even when the world was rough around the edges for you. Especially when it was. [She really does think very highly of him.]

[Oh no, she has expectations!]

Thank you, Kitty. You have seen a part of me that I'm not very proud of, [that would be the self-pitying message-leaving part, which is still around if better contained] so that you still think that...

[She smiles fondly at him.] If what I've seen counts as low moments you're definitely ruining the curve for the rest of us.

If I'm ruining the curve, then you may need to reevaluate your grading system. [Teasing, but really, he doesn't want her to say nice things about him when he doesn't think he's earning that.]

[He has forever earned it!] Hey, who has been the teacher here? Don't tell me how to grade.

[A dramatic sigh.] Fine. You win again, as you always do.

Of course I do. I get to hang out with you. So, catch me up. What new, weird things did the wardens throw at people while I was gone?

Edited 2017-04-25 13:05 (UTC)

Not everyone would consider that winning, but thank you.

[He has to think for a minute, trying to remember what Kitty would have "missed." Time was strange in the prison; it's harder than it ought to be.] There was mistletoe, of course. Twice. [One of those times was more fun than the other, not that Chekov wants to think about either.] There were dreams... you remember, the kind that everyone can see. The wardens made us think that we were different versions of ourselves once, and then there was when they made us believe that we were twenty years into the future, which I told you about already. [The thing that came with seventeen years of marriage. She probably recalls hearing about that.] We were even in a different prison briefly, I don't know how long. Two days, maybe? It was nice there.

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