driftfleet | Open: July Starstruck mingle log

I'd rather hoped he'd grown out of it.

[ -- which is a stupid thing to say, probably, but peggy is clearly unprepared to engage with the topic proper. ]

I think Steve Rogers is constitutionally opposed to growing out of anything. [Too much like changing his mind or admitting he's wrong.] And you can tell him I said that when he wakes up.

I just might. [ tell him. peggy teases a fingertip along the edge of her cup. her frown persists. ]

It's not true, though. He's grown out of some things.

[ ugh, this is thin ice. she shouldn't be discussing him at all. at all. ]

[Natasha sips her coffee, expression neutral. She doesn't intend to push the topic if Peggy isn't comfortable with it, but it is one of the reasons she's here.]

I believe he'd grow. Somehow I always imagine it's more like going further in the direction he was already pointed.

[Which to be fair might be more or less what most of them do.]

[ south, she thinks but doesn't say. it's not a charitable thought -- but shadowed and unhappy and she should kept it well-swept under the rug. ]

-- I keep wondering whether he's going to wake up with even more fresh memories.

[ more so-called growth. ]

It's a possibility. But honestly, isn't that always a possibility? For any of us.

For any of us. [ a beat. ] Jarvis remembered a bit more, lately. I actually know what the next twenty four will look like -- back home. For me.

It's daunting.

He told you what's going to happen?

[Natasha has been against that, for the most part. Seems like it causes more trouble than it's worth. But not everyone has always agreed on the same leave home at home policy.]

He did. Not with any ill-intention, of course, but he makes for a terrible liar sometimes.

[ and peggy had failed to mention certain other details to him. things had come out in the wash, so to speak, and those details had a vague bearing on what they'd both seen in each others' dream spaces. ]

I don't have a hard time believing that. On the other hand, he might surprise me. He has before. [She wouldn't have imagined him as a pilot.]

He's remarkable. I think, perhaps, I don't always give him enough credit -- except that within twenty-four hours of returning back home I apparently give him enough to put him in the field alongside...[ peggy hesitates, eyes darkening for a moment. ]

Well. Alongside Dottie Underwood.

[ she doesn't need to explain to natasha how mad that strategy must be. ]

[Strangely enough, Natasha knew that. Funny how despite the decades between them, their stories were so closely connected.]

And he did admirably.

[ i should never have put him in that position. ]

Get a glimpse of it, did you?

I did. It was... well, how he responded to some of what he saw in my head makes more sense now.

[She says it flatly, but she does say it. Natasha isn't sure she'll ever do it again, but that's Peggy's in, if she wants it.]

I can imagine so. [ a beat. ] Mister Jarvis never went to Russia with myself and the SSR team that came across that old facility. And last year, when all the -- unpleasantness went down with Underwood? He was mostly sheltered from it.

I do regret how that changed. [ a shake of her head. ] Will change. Impressive though he might be, I can't help but wish there were certain things he'd never have to see.

[ oblique. ]

Don't we all. But it doesn't do a whole lot of good regretting when it changes. Sometimes things like that just happen.

[As clear as it is Natasha isn't happy about that either.]

Especially when it hasn't happened yet?

[ a rumble in her throat. as though she accepts natasha's logic, but still sees fit to rail against it. peggy needs to take a shot at something -- this seems good enough. both peggy's future-self and natasha's good sense can both withstand the blows. ]

But it will. And because of it, a -- [ psychotic soviet agent, but peggy stops herself ] -- well, you know precisely what sort of person will be unleashed. She get away, Natasha. Dottie Underwood gets away.

I have a fairly good idea. [A Black Widow. Natasha doesn't say that, and she doubts that's how Peggy would have put it, but there it is.]

And I can't say I'm surprised. If someone like that sees an opportunity, they'll take it.

-- Which is why I ought to know better than to break her out of an SSR prison. [ a beat. ] But I desperation makes a fool of me and...

[ oh, here it is. ]

And maybe if I'd seen a bit more of what happened at those training facilities before I made the decision, I would have been cleverer about it.

Something you don't get to clever your way out of. Frustrating, believe me I know it.

[This isn't exactly the conversation Natasha expected to have, but the notes are there. Peggy's regret about the facilities.]

You did what you could based on the best information you had at the time. And you know Underwood gets away. It doesn't sound like you know yet if it was worth it.

Well -- you exist. And so it must have been.

[ which sounds grossly sentimental until one remembers peggy's fairly certain the ultimate price paid of her mission's failure might actually compromise the whole damned world. so it goes with interdimensional science. ]

[Natasha doesn't mistake that for some kind of personal compliment. That would be far too honest between the two of them, and Natasha doubts she's had that much of an impact on Peggy's life—so she can infer the other woman's meaning. She shrugs.]

So there it is. One more rogue spy out thee, the world keeps on turning. Can't say the same thing about every threat. Sounds like you triaged the situation appropriately.

[ natasha's right, of course. at least jarvis seems to think so -- but peggy doesn't have the benefit of hindsight to see herself vindicated. instead, she stews in what could have been, what could be done better, what might be avoided. ]

She's a bit more than a rogue spy. But I doubt I need to explain that to you.

I don't know about that. As someone in a position to know, I think rogue spy is the most accurate description when you get to the heart of it.

[At the heart of it, Natasha would probably describe herself the same way.]

[ peggy might argue that those girls are broken down and built up to be something rather more than spies. but that's yet another uncomfortable conversation. they're dancing around so many of them. ]

Provided she stays rogue. [ a beat. ] Which she likely will -- I suspect her handlers have long since disavowed her.

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