driftfleet | 'cause it's better than nothing

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'cause it's better than nothing

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Otono-Tachibana Makie

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(last updated: 1/25/19)

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[Wanda's presence in the room is welcomed: a yellow glow pulses out from the spot she kneels and races outward and upward until it meets again at the top of the chamber. There, the light meets, crystallizes, and forms itself into a familiar shape as the Vision materializes and floats down, landing next to her and offering her a hand and a smile.]

Wanda.

[She watches him with no small amount of awe - Wanda will never get over how angelic he looks floating down to her level. She takes Vision's hand and rises only to wrap her arms around his waist and gaze up at him with adoration.]

There you are. I knew you would hear me.

[She shifts, closing her eyes and resting her head on his shoulder.]

It's so peaceful here.

[Not surprising, exactly, but it's something she usually associates with Vision, not the Mind Stone itself.]

[He presses a light kiss on her forehead and circles one arm around her. There's--it's not quite a distance or a coolness, but something more formal, less familiar about the gesture compared to the way he normally acts around Wanda.]

You are welcome here, always. But be aware there are things here you may be happier you do not see.

[She can feel the difference and reaches up to lightly cup his cheek in reassurance. She's not sure she quite understands. Nothing about him could ever frighten her.]

I love you, Vision. If there's something here, we can face it together.

Are you so sure of that?

[The blue spark is exactly what Wanda's instincts told her - the whisper of Ultron's voice, a memory or fragment of the source of most of the Vision's code. But, intentionally or not, Wanda has summoned the Vision's avatar first, and so Ultron has no power here; he dismisses it with a wave of his hand, and the blue glow disperses back into the mix of other colors that make up the wall panels.]

Ask in this place and I will not deny you, Wanda. What would you have of me?

[Wanda stiffens in Vision's arms but not to hide or pull away; rather her grip shifts to a protective one, almost as if she means to shield him with her much smaller body. No one's going to hurt him without answering to her first...but Vision dismisses that fragment of Ultron as easily as it had appeared.

Some of the tension leaves her body and she returns to stroking his cheek, but the arm around his waist barely relaxes. Once her peace has been shattered, Wanda often struggles to find it again.]

These things...do they trouble you?

[That's all that matters, isn't it? Wanda isn't interested in prying into things Vision doesn't want her to see, but if there's some way she can return his unfailing love and support, she'll do it without question. He deserves nothing less.]

At times.

[A few of the panels highlight: the armored figure falling from the sky is most prominent, but there's also one of a uniformed man sitting at a council table with a huge stack of paperwork in front of him and one of the red panels.]

Our actions often have consequences far beyond our intent, Wanda. Sometimes there are no good choices.

We do what we can.

[If anyone's giving out medals for good intentions leading to disaster, Wanda's pretty sure she has that market covered. Would Ultron have gotten as far as he did without the twins' help? And even if he did, would it still have been Pietro and Sokovia that ended up paying the price?

Whatever Vision thinks he's messed up, it can't possibly be that bad. Although it's troubling that Rhodey - it is Rhodey, isn't it? - isn't catching himself, she's failing to see what Vision has to do with it.]

Show me? I want to help you. [But as always, it's his choice what and how much he wants her to see.]

[He's very aware that Wanda has had her share of consequences - which is why he'd used the plural when speaking, really. In here, little if anything is by accident.

He grips her a little tighter and focuses on the panel of the man falling. It enlarges and becomes clear as the rest of the room fades away; it is, in fact, Rhodey, but the scene rewinds a few moments for context and plays as if in first-person from the Vision's point of view.

Not that the context is any better. Destruction all around them in an airport, Wanda on the ground in front of him, taking up most of his attention, Sam and Rhodey chasing each other in the sky, a shouted command from Tony and a split-second decision that leads to a fired beam and a miss, and then stabilizers failing and a final, sickening thump as War Machine craters into the ground. Flash forward to a surgical suite observed from the outside, time ticking by both too slowly and too fast. Tony turning away from him in grief and anger.

A doctor gently telling him that Rhodey will live, but that he'll never walk again.]

I did that. [His voice is quiet, and finally there's an undertone of something - grief, regret, anger at himself.] I should have contested the call.

[He shouldn't have been fighting his friends in the first place.]

[Oh. Oh no.

This wasn't a training exercise gone horribly wrong. This was a real fight, but why...?

She won't tell Vision that it's all right, because it's not, and she won't patronize him with some platitude about everyone making mistakes. She understands what it's like to mess up catastrophically and constantly be fighting not to drown in guilt. This was her life for months after Sokovia and still is, on bad days.

But she wants better for him than that. She strokes his cheek again, as gently as if he was a frightened animal.]

And Tony should never have given it. We can all blame ourselves, love, but it doesn't help Rhodey.

[He waves his hand and the scene fast-forwards to show the Vision designing something using Stark equipment, hesitantly working with Tony on it, and then watching from a distance as Rhodey struggles with the prosthetic. A conversation between the two of them accompanied by waves of palpable guilt, though the words are muted. Hands shaking. Then flying through the air with a fully outfitted War machine again to help a ferry ripped in half to reach the shore in New York City somewhere.

They'd made their peace in time.]

It's among my greatest regrets. I am [he hesitates, the first sign of it in his unnaturally calm voice] not as good as you believe.

Of course you are. [She says it without hesitation or a shred of doubt.] I see you, Vision. All of you. And you have the purest mind I've ever seen.

It's what we do after...that's who we want to be. Stark wouldn't have been able to design that on his own.

[~~She should really learn to take her own advice to heart.~~]

[That earns a kiss to the crown of her head. It hadn't helped during that too-long time between when she had fled and he'd been unwilling to risk following her; the darkest time he'd known, and no support from those who had remained. And yet he'd moved past it and found happiness again, and here she is watching the memories and still insisting she supports him.

He really doesn't deserve her.]

What if what I want to be is something other than I am?

[Without moving, they're suddenly in front of a different facet of the crystal: one of the red ones this time, a tinge that all memories of Wanda possess.

Staring back at me is a tall human man with straw-blond hair and light eyes, half concerned and half elated. Wanda moves to stand behind him and reaches her arms around him, and I feel her embrace around me. I look down at my hands and see the same peach skin, and my breathing speeds up without my leave.

"Look at how handsome you are," she says, teasing. It's hard to tell in the low light, but her hair is a different shade than it had been when they'd first met, and she's wearing a turtleneck that looks a little too warm for their surroundings. "Do you feel any different, love?"

I nod slowly and shift position so I'm looking at the two of us, just a normal man and woman who would be free to go anywhere they wished without drawing attention. "I feel free. But why do I also feel as though my heart is breaking?"

The memory fades before there's a response.]

Why? [she asks quietly, fingers now purposefully seeking out the vibranium bordering the side of his face. Her heart is breaking to see him in pain, and what better way to try to alleviate it than to give him a very tangible demonstration that she loves his metallic parts just as much as the rest of him?

He's perfect exactly as he is. Wanda only wishes he could see it.]

Is this something you want for yourself? Or something that you think you should want, or something that you think I want?

[He's not human. He can never be human, no matter his desires - be they misguided or not. But for a time he can pretend, and for a time that had been enough.

It's not like the Fleet, where everyone is extraordinary in some way and nearly every ship has at least one non-human. He's not even the only android here, though Connor is different in every conceivable way. He doesn't have to try to fit in here. Just being himself is enough.

It's enough for Wanda, here or there or anywhere in between. She sees him more clearly than anyone ever has, better than he does and far better than the others. Even Tony had been afraid of him for a time, and is there anything more disappointing than a parent who doesn't believe in you?

No, the one it was never enough for was the Vision himself.]

I wanted to go to a cafe or a museum or a garden with my girlfriend without being stared at and whispered about. I thought what I wanted was privacy, anonymity.

[And it had worked, there. Or he'd thought it had. But something had always been slightly wrong; at the time he'd chalked it up to the constant stress of the Accords and the fear of discovery. But then he'd found himself back here, and all of a sudden there were so many new memories he'd felt like a completely different person. Memories where he was the opposite of private and anonymous, a starring role in a reality show, and it turned out anonymity and privacy meant nothing. He'd realized what it was he truly wanted.

He cups Wanda's cheek and speaks in a low voice.] I was wrong. You'll notice I don't use that form here, and it's not because I need those things at all. What I need is acceptance.

[He kisses her once, slow and gentle and full of a warm love.]

I don't have to try to be something I'm not to have that. I know that now. But I'll forget it at home, and you'll have to bear with me as I learn it. I am sorry for that.]

Edited 2019-01-25 15:35 (UTC)

[She kisses him back with all the tenderness in her heart, her grip on him gentled to a real embrace. This is a lesson she wishes he'd never had to learn. Why can't people just see him? No, he isn't human, but he is good and kind and would never intentionally harm anyone who hadn't done something to deserve it.

The man in the mirror had only been handsome because it was him. If anyone else wore that face, she could pass them on the street and never give them a second thought.]

I love you no matter what you look like or what anyone else says, [she tells him when they part.] You're perfect, Vision, just like this.

[She smiles softly up at him, fondly tracing over a seam between vibranium and red skin.]

I love the way your skin feels and falling asleep on your chest. I love looking into your eyes. And I love covering you in kisses. I'll remind you as much as you need me to, love.

But I'm glad you don't feel that way here. Masks hurt.

[For starters, most of them only see with their eyes. Look at Thor - he's just as inhuman, but when they look at him they see an attractive young warrior they could imagine getting a beer with. Not so for the android. They look at him and they see other, and without any further information other means something to be afraid of.

Yes, some humans know better. And he has some friends - but at home, they're entirely limited to who he works with, and the loneliness that results is almost too much to bear sometimes.

Wanda makes it bearable. She's one very good reason he hasn't given up on the human race, and it's times like this that remind him of that most strongly.]

I never hurt when I'm with you. Here or there, it doesn't matter, as long as we're together.

[He kisses her again, and oddly enough the entire gemlike structure shimmers red for that moment. But then he breaks away and sighs, and it returns to its previous appearance.]

But we cannot always be together. If you don't want to see it, I won't show you.

[But he's willing to, and the specter of a uniformed man sitting at a board table with a large stack of paperwork in front of him looms large.]

[She catches the last shimmer of red as they part and it brings a smile to her lips. It's touching to see that a simple kiss can affect him so deeply and she's sure that if he could see her mind something similar would happen.

But unfortunately, it's not to last. Wanda stiffens and shrinks away from the panel, further into Vision's arms. She recognizes that man, although they've never spoken - Secretary Ross. He isn't a friend.]

Is this what you meant?

[She doesn't want to see it. She knows she'll be much happier if she doesn't know what that stack of paperwork does to tear them apart. But...she said she wanted to help him, and wrapping her arms fully around Vision, Wanda tries to draw some strength from the proximity of her lover. Ultron's earlier taunt comes to mind and she is not going to let him be right.

But her voice is still too quiet:] Show me.

[Rather than saying anything he gestures to the panel. The memory begins to play out, once again from the Vision's point of view.

Ross begins to speak. "For the past four years, you've operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That's an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate." I acknowledge the truth of the first statement but frown at the second. Is he referring to the collateral damage from our recent activities? It's terrible, yes, but surely if that bomb had gone off in a crowded marketplace it would have been even worse. But I focus on the papers, and it becomes clear they're going to take our actions out of context. Its title looms large.

THE SOKOVIA ACCORDS

I capture the provided digital file and read over it in moments. The most important points stand out to my scan. An agreement to register with the UN. A regulation on using technology to provide advanced abilities. International oversight on the Avengers. A prohibition on taking any action in countries other than their own without explicit permission. Those who break the law, or are deemed a threat to the safety of the general public, may be held indefinitely without trial. The creation of self-aware AI is completely prohibited.

Those who are deemed a threat to the safety of the general public may be held indefinitely without trial. The creation of self-aware AI is completely prohibited.

Those who are deemed a threat to the safety of the general public may be held indefinitely without trial. The creation of self-aware AI is completely prohibited.

I glance up at Ross with a hard gaze. Does he realize these Accords specifically call out Wanda and myself?

He does, and he is afraid.

They are all afraid of us.

Familiarity eases fear. Wanda's voice, an echo in memory. "If they knew you like I do, they would not be afraid of you."

I must sign, or they will only ever fear me.

I sign.]

[Wanda's blood runs cold and all the color drains out of her face. She'd long been afraid of this, ever since Strucker had told her in that tone he always used when he was trying to appear 'kind' that unfortunately, she and Pietro couldn't be permitted to set foot outside the compound's walls for their own safety. How long until Secretary Ross, or some other powerful political figure, looks at her and thinks that it's so terribly inconvenient that all of the Scepter's power is attached to a young woman that they can't directly control? The Scepter would do whatever its wielder demanded without question. But Wanda...oh, so much of Strucker's thoughts had been preoccupied with how to keep the twins on his side.

Those who are deemed a threat to the safety of the general public may be held indefinitely without trial. The creation of self-aware AI is completely prohibited.

What is it the Americans say? That it's not paranoia if they really are coming for you? Her hands have started to tremble without Wanda noticing and she hasn't realized how quick and shallow her breathing's become. All she can see are those two lines.

They didn't...did they?

No, this is Ross. She's seen the interviews and from all of her pieced-together knowledge of him, he would. And that might explain another reason Vision had found it necessary to perfect a human disguise.]

It was just a show, [she says hollowly. She's seen enough corruption in Sokvia to guess where this is heading.] They came for us immediately, didn't they?

No.

[He exhales loudly, wilting under Wanda's touch and seeming to shrink in to himself; the roaming blue light seems to pulse and the red in certain panels fades almost completely.]

It took about a week before one of the tenets was violated, and they didn't come for us. I'd signed. So had Tony and Rhodey and Natasha.

[And not the figures that another panel, close to the one where Rhodey is falling, shows as running in a line all together towards him. Wanda. Steve. Sam. Clint. (Ant-Man, who she won't recognize.) The Winter Soldier, who she may or may not have even met yet.]

It broke us, Wanda. The Avengers broke.

[She stares, uncomprehending. If one of them was to turn on her, she'd expect it to be Stark, but the others...

Clint facing Natasha. Vision facing her. It doesn't make any sense. Why hadn't she just chosen to run? What exactly had happened to make Stark willing to risk Sam's life by giving Vision that kind of order?]

I don't understand.

There were a number of factors, of course. Some miscommunication, some emotions running high for various reasons, and a series of bad decisions by everyone involved.

[Well...everyone but Natasha. As far as he'd ever been able to tell, she was the only who had been in the right the entire time. But then, she's a professional at this whole 'politics' thing, and she could afford to hide at the end of it all.]

All you truly need to understand is that there was a rift, and Tony Stark is too stubborn a man to admit he may have been wrong. You and the others went into hiding and...

[And then he lets out a self-deprecating chuckle, and, oddly enough, the color seems to return to the chamber.]

And as soon as I'd overcome my own self-loathing, I got in touch with you again, and we helped each other recover ourselves.

[A panel, red coloring restored, shows itself. It has no audio, it doesn't dominate like the last few have, but it shows Wanda with a different hairstyle in an unfamiliar cityscape, talking shyly and at one point blushing hard. He talks as the video plays.]

And you realized we were in love.

[Yep, there's their first kiss at home, entirely from his perspective.

As a point of fact, it had actually been Natasha that pointed it out to Wanda, but Wanda had been the one to confirm it and tell the Vision what exactly he was feeling this time, so he still counts it as Wanda recognizing it. Turns out they're both kind of oblivious about themselves.]

[...but they can't be together like they are here. Such a simple thing...and yet another facet of a 'normal' life that is apparently completely out of reach. Is it cowardly to admit that she doesn't want to go home to that? So much pain and suffering for nothing at all...

(Although she can't blame her future self for running. Ross would try to lock her up the minute she signed it, she's sure of that.)]

I like our story here better, [she says quietly. Nothing to keep them apart, no trauma to push them together...just Vision being devastating in the starlight until what she really felt for him became obvious.]

[Why would it be cowardly? He admits it all the time, at least to himself. And to anyone who asks him how he likes it here in the Fleet, come to think of it.

He kisses Wanda on the forehead once again, and because this is the seat of his power, little yellow shoots of light gather toward him from all corners of the faceted room and briefly give him a golden appearance.]

As do I. I treasure you, Wanda. You alone are welcome here always.

[Yes, during Calibrations anyone can come here and find out everything they care to know about the Vision, but they will always be visitors, strangers. She belongs.]

'cause it's better than nothing

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