'cause it's better than nothing

[thespaceopera]

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for N-Z characters )

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

N - P Otono-Tachibana Makie Pavel Chekov Peter Parker Pidge Gunderson Prompto Argentum Psycho Mantis

Q - S Randolph Lyall Remy LeBeau Sandalio "Biffy" de Rabiffano Sanza Stark Shin-Ah Sorey Steve Rogers

T - V Taako Thor Tim Drake Tyrion Lannister Ulaz Vash the Stampede Victor Frankenstein The Vision

W - Z Wanda Maximoff Zaveid

(last updated: 1/25/19)

Comments

[brooklyn_boy]

Doesn't have to be one or the other. We can both be avoidant.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki huffs. ]

I suppose there is some measure of truth in that.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He laughs himself.]

Enough deflection, yet?

[dothelokimotion]

Mmmm.

[ loki looks over the other reels. ]

What else is there?

[brooklyn_boy]

Probably nothing you'd find overly interesting.

[He finally stands and leaves his seat, walking to Loki]

Anything you wanted to see?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shrugs, holding them up to steve. ]

Surprise me.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve looks at the reels but then looks away. He walks off toward the broken TV and the blood-splattered tape. He's not sure why, but this is what he thinks Loki should see, next. Not more of his past. Not the memories of the ones he loves and how he lost them.

This.

He holds it and lets the light spread until they're in a cold, damp basement. It's just Steve, Bucky, and Tony. And a voice behind glass]

[dothelokimotion]

[ well now. loki only knew a little of the fallout. obviously he didn't know the intimate details, of course. just that he found it hilarious at the time. heroes who could never agree, never seem to work well together and only banded when a greater threat appeared.

for the first time though, loki feels a brief pang of sympathy for stark. he will never like the man, but at least loki had the opportunity to avenge his mother's death. if thor had kept it from him, his grief and fury would have been ten fold. loki is pleasantly surprised his voice is level. ]

What a surprise. You can be cruel.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve shakes his head, not quite disagreeing but not accepting that either]

There was more to it. It wasn't Bucky's fault. He had no choice. You can't...blame someone for something done against their will. They were both victims. I didn't...

[The next time he shakes his head, it's at himself]

I didn't mean to be. But...maybe intentions don't count.

[dothelokimotion]

I did things against my will. But I forgot, you only get to dodge accountability when you're an Avenger.

[ if good intentions were enough to pave the way . . . well, maybe loki would have had a different life. a better one. still he's not really here to pass judgement. why would he? the events are long past and loki prefers looking ahead these days. ]

But it is not so terrible. Mistakes were made, as they say. Is that not the price of being human?

[brooklyn_boy]

If they were against your will then you didn't do them. There is no reason to take responsibility when you are used. I wouldn't hold you any more accountable than I do Bucky.

[dothelokimotion]

[ sounds fake but ok. loki merely shrugs. ]

That does not benefit me or Bucky. You cannot simply say that and make it true. I imagine it is the same for him.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Okay. That just blew his mind a little.]

But. You didn't have a say. How can you hold yourself accountable for...

[He stops, realizing this is the wrong question. Okay. Let's try again...]

What does benefit you, then?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki cocks an eyebrow. ]

How about regarding what we are now is more important than what we represented in the past, used or otherwise. You spend so much time trying to save someone that you forget to look at who you are saving.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Ouch. It hurts all the worse because, yeah. That is probably true. And even hearing how unhelpful it is, his instinct is still to dig in his heels and hold onto what little past he has.

Had. Christ, Loki is right.]

The past...that's part of who you are. All of it. But you're right, it's not everything. Maybe not even most of it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he softens a little, despite himself. ]

I have been in your position and his. Nothing good comes from chasing the past, no matter how much better it may have been then. You stop growing.

And if you let it go, you never know. It might come back, better than it was before.

[brooklyn_boy]

Steve smiles and looks at Loki softer himself.]

Is that what happened with you? Is it better now than before?

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression falls briefly. ]

It was. At least for a little while.

[ loki shouldn't complain. whatever brief moments he had, trying to be better, it had mattered. and if he keeps telling himself that, the sheer grief of an unfulfilled life will stop choking him in his dreams. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve sees the fall of Loki's face and wars on whether to chase the cause of this or not. In the end, he figures these rooms are exposing enough without interrogations.]

Then maybe it will be again?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki isn't a pro at making good decisions but he gets the feeling talking about his death in someone else's heart is a terrible idea. ]

I think that opportunity for me has passed. But it hasn't for you. So it's best not to waste it.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He shakes his head, not knowing the full story but still being Steven Grant Rogers.]

It's not over until it's over. And even then, our world is a strange place and time is long. Keep hope.

[He let's it go as he turns and looks around the room again, turning toward the front.]

I get it, though. Easy to say and hard to do.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki wisely doesn't add to that. he shrugs. ]

Oh, make no mistake. I will continue on as I ever have. No force in the world can stop me from doing what I choose.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve shrugs back with a small grin]

Yeah. I think I know that well enough about you. If only we could make you choose the forces of good.

[dothelokimotion]

[ a light scoff. ]

How dull that would be.

[brooklyn_boy]

I don't know. Hasn't exactly been dull for me.

[And he might not have the physical scars to prove it, but he has the memories around here in a few places]