driftfleet | 'cause it's better than nothing

Entry tags:

'cause it's better than nothing

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for N-Z characters )

Before you post your toplevel comment, please:
1. Check the first letter of your character's name as its written in our tags. N-Z names comment here, and A-M names go to the other post.
2. Make a note in your comment if anything especially triggering or graphic might show up in the Calibration. If you're not sure if something's worth noting or not, we suggest listing it anyway, just to err on the side of caution.
3. Put your character's name (it can be shortened or different from the tag, this time) in the subject of your comment. This will help visitors find you easily, and help us update the list below.
4. Post your comment! It's fine if everyone's Calibrations end up looking and reading very different from one another. As long as you're having fun and following our guidelines, you're good to go. :)
5. If you have any questions or concerns during Calibrations, you are welcome to send them towards the mod team at any time, as always.

ROOMS BY CHARACTER

N - P

Otono-Tachibana Makie

Q - S

Sandalio "Biffy" de Rabiffano

T - V

W - Z

(last updated: 1/25/19)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Honestly, the reminder that he used to be able to charm the pants - skirts, whatever - off anyone mostly just makes him feel worse, if only because it's a skill he'd already started to lose, by then, and hasn't really worked to keep up. Yeah, he knows how people works, and he knows how to please them. But he's maybe lost a lot of interest in doing the latter, and it never seemed to matter until this moment, until the two of them here and now, remembering that he used to be able to do it at all. Maybe, Bucky thinks, that part of him is gone, just like Steve's small stature is gone, too. Casualties of the war.

And the funny thing is, none of it would have mattered with Peggy. So he snorts, grinning and knocking Steve gently in the arm again. "It didn't matter to her. She only had eyes for you, and I know it was the same for you."

Which almost makes it harder, if not surprising, to hear that Steve's struggled ever since. "Sounds like Romanoff is a busybody in at least two universes, then," Bucky murmurs, though it's clear he doesn't really mean it as an insult to Natasha. She's all right. She's more than all right, really, even if she can get a little annoying.

But it's what Steve points out that just - Bucky lets out a breath, sinking back in his chair. "Yeah," he says, quietly, wryly, almost a little resignedly. "Yeah, ain't that the truth, huh? Nobody our age is up for a whole lotta dancing, these days. And I don't know what the fuck kids do these days, but that shit ain't dancing."

He kicks his legs out a little, letting the side of the one closest to Steve knock against his bony knee. God, isn't this a truckload of deja vu. "Same," he says, quietly, after a minute. "I mean. Nobody special." It didn't seem important, really. "I went on a couple dates, but it's weird and people spend all their time staring at their phones instead of talking to each other across a table."

Okay, maybe he really does sound like an old man.

Edited 2019-02-22 05:58 (UTC)

Steve laughs hard enough that he actually bends forward with it. "I wondered. I wondered what you'd make of the dancing people do now. It really is awful, isn't it? Could you imagine any of the nuns seeing that?" He knocks his knee right back, falling into the routine of them as preteens, bothering each other in a way that didn't really bother either of them at all. Everything about this is like going back into the past. And yeah, maybe he shouldn't live there, but if it's here, what's the harm in enjoying it?

"I have a phone myself and I think I'm the only one that actually uses it to talk." He thinks back to the flip-phone he sent to Tony. It had one contact just for him and no data plan for texting. Not that Tony couldn't figure it out, but he'd hoped. Hoped that it would mean Tony would call and they could talk the whole thing out. But that didn't happen. Maybe never would.

"Maybe here your options will be wider," he says with a shrug. "We have no idea how long we're gonna be here for, after all. And you tend to attract attention." Steve knocks Bucky's knee a little harder. "Maybe you can even open a proper dance hall."

Bucky just rolls his eyes at Steve's obvious amusement, but don't be fooled - the corners of his lips are twitching up at the sight of his best friend laughing like that. God. It's been ages. And he would do anything, anything, to hear it again. He knows it.

"I make that it's not fucking dancing at all," he says, but there's laughter underneath his voice. Yeah, he'd seen plenty of couples in dance halls get grabby. But modern dancing is a whole new level. "I think those nuns would've been spitting nails. Had everyone in the club I went to saying the rosary a hundred times over for their sins."

He does let out a soft huff when Steve says he uses his phone to talk. "I mean, they're handy for a lot of stuff. But they're still just phones. I feel like people talk to each other less, even though everyone has one, you know?" All those kids who look up directions online and order food over the internet and use apps to text each other, instead of just asking someone face to face. It's weird. And then people look at him like he's weird, when he tries to do things the old-fashioned way. It's boggling, how much has changed in just a few decades.

Or maybe that's just him, sounding old.

This time he laughs a little, instead of just huffing. "Are you trying to set me up, Rogers? What, d'you think that'll get better ratings?" He's still trying to deal with the fact that most people seem to just be... living their lives here. It's not surprising, but it still feels weird. He's not sure he can do it. And even if he could... his life is so far from normal anymore, what would he do? "I don't know that there'd be much market for a dance hall. Unless you think the people around here would appreciate something 'vintage'." Because that seems to be what people call... well, his life before the ice, these days. Like it was a fucking fad.

Then he eyes Steve sidelong. "So you never learned to dance, did you?"

Steve is deeply ashamed of the feeling that takes over him at the idea of setting Bucky up with someone. It's the same feeling he'd had after Bucky started to date and Steve had to share his attention with someone else. Someone better who felt, probably rightly, more entitled to it. Steve had hated it. He'd been Bucky's best friend for his entire life and had never really had to share with anyone other than Bucky's family. But girlfriends? That was something else. And, right now, when Steve feels like he just got his best friend back again, that territorial, hoarding feeling claws at his chest like a dragon awoken.

It takes a second for him to push it back down and remind himself that this was not exactly his friend and that Bucky could do as he pleased, regardless. Still, he's quick to say, "No. No setting up. God, I barely even know three girls here, counting Nat!" He looks ahead, putting on a smile as he pushes ahead.

"I think a dance hall would be nice. Someplace where people could blow off steam. Few nights are for swing and real dancing. The other can be when you make the real money and people can...so whatever they do on the dance floor. Which, yeah. I can't do either type of dance."

He laughs a little, a memory flashing of a club with flashing lights and a girl looking at Steve like he was insane.

"Sam took me to a club, once. Thought that I should get out there. A girl asked me to dance and I tried to...you know. Copy what I was seeing. Apparently there are gendered differences in what you're supposed to do. Sam laughed the rest of the night."

"I'm hearing that you know at least three girls here, including Nat, and that's pretty good for you, Rogers," Bucky points out, with a gentle elbow to the other's side. Yeah, he maybe picked up on a little of the tension that seems to suddenly radiate off of Steve, but it could come from so many things that it's hard to say what; and he isn't sure it's really his place to ask, not after he's already invaded Steve's privacy so deeply, just by being here. He's acutely aware of that, more than anything else.

He laughs at the idea of a dance hall that switches off between styles, but - "Really, that's not a terrible idea. You grew a real head for business," he says, though of course Steve's always been smart. Tactical. The serum enhanced it, but Steve already had everything in place already, even if Bucky's probably the only person alive who knows it.

And then pretty much everything else becomes moot, because Steve keeps talking and - well. Bucky just bursts out laughing. He can't help it. He really, really can't. "Oh my God, you didn't. Steve - " He can't talk for a minute, because... yeah, okay. New dances can be a little baffling, but... even Bucky could tell who was supposed to do what. Maybe it was just because of his prior experience, but... he takes it all back, ever thinking Steve was intelligent. His best friend is an idiot, and it's the most wonderful, comforting, home feeling on Earth. Or in space, apparently.

"Sam sounds like my kinda guy," Bucky finally manages to get out. "I hope I do meet him. I feel like we'd get along."

And, part of him thinks, if meeting Sam is a precursor to potentially finding Steve... that brings all the guilt right back, but it doesn't mean he doesn't want it to happen. It still holds true.

"Maybe the Atroma will kidnap one of him and bring Sam too. I think you two would get along. He wasn't a huge fan of my version of you, but then again, that one shot me a couple times." Steve shrugs like it doesn't really matter. It doesn't in the grand scheme of things. Bucky had done it and then he'd saved Steve's life in the end of it. It was a step in the right direction no matter how painful that one step was.

"Just keep running around in DC otherwise. I lapped him a few times and that's how we met. Good thing I did, too. He's a good friend and an even better ally." The screen lights up with Sam as Falcon, soaring past as he helps with a fight. Steve lets out a small sigh, not realizing until now that he really misses his friend. With Bucky gone the two of them had lived in each other's pockets trying to track him down. God knew when they'd be able to talk again.

But then again...

Steve looks over at Bucky and smiles. Yeah, he might miss Sam, but he has something here that he will never get again at home. It's a strange trade-off that he had absolutely no say in. Probably better off that way.

"I wish I could come into your room and see what you got up to. All the ways that our lives are different and the same. There has to be a few things you did different than me. People you've met that I haven't. You were always better at making friends than me, after all..."

"Yeah, that might do it," Bucky concedes - shooting someone is not a great way to ingratiate yourself to someone, he's aware. Shooting someone's friend? Equally true. Especially given what he now knows happened. Maybe it turned out all right, but it still happened.

Bucky's maybe about to make some comment when the screen shows him - well. Huh. He watches for a moment, mouth falling open a little. "He flies?" Like - sure, Thor flies. But that's different. This is... with a jetpack? Wings? More like how Stark flies, but Bucky's gotta admit - the Iron Man Suit has finesse, but so do those wings.

He's distracted by that sigh, though - before he even realizes he's doing it, he's reaching out to put a hand on Steve's knee. He knows the many subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) signs of Steve's moods, and even after years apart, he doesn't really feel out of practice. This is just like falling back into something he hadn't realized he was missing, filling in an empty hole that he'd known was empty, but had finally just left to sit a long time ago. Maybe he's even about to say something comforting, if he can, but then Steve speaks again, and Bucky can't help but squirm a little.

"Gonna be honest," he says quietly, "I'm kinda glad you can't. Or - haven't, anyway." He watches Steve for a long moment, but... he can't leave it like that. Not when he's in here, this room of Steve's. Not when he's seen what he's seen. "But if you want to know something. You can ask. It's the least I can do." He waves a little to the screen. It feels unfair. Invasive. He doesn't have to like it to want to make it a little fairer. He's always been willing to take a hit for Steve.

The hand on his knee has Steve turning and looking at Bucky as though he's the last star in the sky. It doesn't escape him that he didn't need to say a word. Bucky just knows him. Whether it's this universe or any other, his best friend knows him on a level that Steve hasn't let anyone onto for decades. He closes his eyes, letting the feeling of it wash over him.

Fuck whether this is his Bucky or not. Steve was going be selfish for once in his life and just take the gift that was given to him.

"I don't need to pry into your life," he says. "I know enough to feel pretty confident any differences are small. Whatever I need to know, I'm sure you're gonna tell me when I need to know it. 'til then I'll be fine."

He pats the top of Bucky's hand, feeling at peace now. Behind them, the door to the theater opens, allowing Bucky out. Steve blinks, reluctant to point it out but also knowing that the point of the room must have been reached: Steve accepting that this Bucky, his or not, is at least his for this moment.

Steve smiles and some of his reluctance fades away. He'll see Bucky again.

"I guess you're good to go, Buck. Got other minds to bother."

Bucky lets out a soft breath - maybe a little relieved, yeah, but still. Of course - of course Steve would insist he's fine, that he doesn't need to know anything, that he doesn't need to pry. He'd done the same when he'd pulled Bucky out of Zola's lab, and even here, where Bucky has clearly invaded his privacy (albeit unintentionally), he's insisting the same. There have got to be things he wants to know, but he's backing off - it's the one time Bucky's really seen Steve back off, and it means the world, even as it makes him feel guilty at the same time.

"I'll try," he promises, because... he can try to remember this. He can try to be more open with Steve, because God knows he hadn't always been, before. It doesn't mean he's going to just break down and tell Steve every morbid detail, but he can try to keep in mind that maybe some things aren't as private as he thinks they need to be. That, weirdly, maybe the two of them have far more in common than he'd ever dreamed imaginable.

His head snaps over when the door opens, too; part of him doesn't want to go, but he's also starting to stand, almost like his body is moving of its own accord. "Yeah," he says, a little absently, eyes on the door - until he turns around, and sees Steve.

And he can't help it - he reaches down and ruffles Steve's hair into a mess like they're ten again, because looks aren't everything, but he misses this Steve, nonetheless. Maybe he'll never see him again, like this. He hadn't thought he ever would, in the first place. "I'll seeya around," he says, letting his hand fall away and starting to make his way toward the door, slowly but surely. "Don't do anything more stupid than all the shit you've already done."

Steve squawks at the ruffle of his hair but secretly he loves it. Small things like this were what he'd missed when he'd gotten taller. Sure Steve had thought he hated them, back when they were happening. But now? Now it was nostalgic. And more than that, it was Bucky. It was the sort of thing he'd do before going to work in the morning or as they walked out of the apartment for a double date. He grins as his friend leaves, watching the whole way, even as he's heading back to his seat.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

History. Their history both out of his mouth and up on the theater screen. Steve takes one last look and finally sits back in his seat, ready for the next person to come in.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

'cause it's better than nothing

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Thread Wrap <3