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(no subject)

Who: Obi-Wan Kenobi
Broadcast: Text
Action: Iskaulit
When: Jan 30th

A: TEXT

I think it's time I retire from teaching for a while.

I don't suppose anyone knows a decent way to pass the time?

B: ACTION

[ When Stefan announced the prayer room, a quiet place for meditation, Obi-Wan had been thrilled. While he enjoyed and cared for the Huntress, quiet is not something they are known for. After talking to Anakin, he knew he was in dire need of quiet and inner peace

He does not regret ( he can not regret )

And yet.

In a way he had envisioned as a child, it had always been Master and Padawan, together. Even when separate, they fought together, learned together, believed in each other. But Qui-Gon died all too soon, and for so long, Obi-Wan threw his hands up against tradition. When Yoda told him to be Anakin's master, he chose to be Anakin's friend. He did not caution against attachment, only warned where it might lead.

He breathes heavily, his legs folded on the mat. It's not working. The Force is still too quiet, too alien at this moment. It doesn't understand his sorrow.

Obi-Wan chuckles, opening his eyes and pushing his hair back. It should be used to that by now.

Looking down at his hands, he's quiet when he speaks. ]

Please help me.

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[Ahsoka gives him an apologetic smile and walks over to where he is, sitting herself down on the mat cross-legged as well. A comfortable distance apart, not too close but not too far, and she sits beside him instead of in front. It feels more relaxed, she thinks. Gives them the option to stare straight ahead while talking, rather than looking directly at each other.]

I'm sorry for the intrusion.

[She considers the small room in front of them, wondering how to phrase what she wants to ask.]

... Anakin told me what happened. [So he's spared at least from recapping the event for her.]

Don't be.

[ It's an automatic response. Perhaps he did resent a little, to be seen this way. But it leaves quickly, not making an impact. He's being truthful in this. Ahsoka being here was not an intrusion. ]

He's angry. He doesn't understand. The Jedi Order isn't ready for what you and Anakin want.

[ Will it ever be? . . . Is this why they die? Because they couldn't change in time?

He cannot change the Order. He can't even change himself. ]

I'm used to it. If he's angry with me, then it'll center him for a while. Focus on his family and not myself.

[She thinks about his words for a moment, mulling over them, wondering what to say. Wondering what the right response is, what it is Obi-Wan needs to hear. Finally:]

... You probably remember I told you this before, but ... when Anakin first showed up here, we also had an argument about my decision to leave the Order. For a while, things were ... pretty awkward. I wasn't sure if our relationship could ever be the same again. And in a way ... it can't be.

But that doesn't mean that it can't grow into something else. Something new and different. And maybe that's not a bad thing.

No . . . it's not.

[ He doesn't know if it'll get better or change. He holds hope that perhaps, it will and this stumbling block will be a small one.

( He wishes )

He rubs his brow. He is so tired of late. ]

I know what I have wrought and what will come out of it. I suppose what happens next is in my hands.

I'm sorry, Ahsoka. If I was a better teacher, perhaps I would have never put you or Anakin in such a position within the Order.

... I'm not really sure that you can blame yourself for Anakin falling in love with Senator Amidala. From what I understand, it was kind of a love-at-first-sight thing.

[The stuff with the Council and her trial, on the other hand...

Well, Obi-Wan's already heard her feelings on that. At length. There's no need to rehash it.]

Yes, well . . .

[ He sighs. ]

He did get that from his Master.

Oh?

Correct me if I have the story wrong, but... you weren't actually his master yet when they first met. Right?

I was not.

[ He smiles wryly. ]

But I was speaking of Qui-Gon.

Well, from what I've heard, Master Qui-Gon was a great Jedi. Wasn't he? So maybe being a little like him isn't such a bad fate.

... If he was here right now, what do you think he'd have to say about all this?

Edited 2016-01-31 04:45 (UTC)

[ Probably something along the lines of "You failed me, Obi-Wan. You promised to teach the Chosen One. It was my dying wish. What have you done?"

It was, sadly, a common trail of thought that comes from the heels of his discussion of Anakin. But Qui-Gon is dead and Anakin is not. ]

I don't know, Ahsoka.

[ And that much is true. He's not sure what Qui-Gon would actually say. And even if he did, Obi-Wan would have done it anyway. ]

Well... neither do I. But what I do know is-- any time you or anyone else ever spoke of him, he sounded wise. And patient, and understanding. And... maybe the tiniest bit rebellious, too.

[ Dryly. ]

He did have a habit of defying the Council.

[ But Ahsoka has a point. He trained Anakin the best he could. The rest is up to the Force. ]

[ He huffs lightly with a small smile. ]

I'm really not acting like myself today.

Don't we all have days like that?

I'm not a Jedi any more, Obi-Wan. You don't have to hide your feelings or anything around me, if you're worried about setting a bad example.

I try to make sure they're few and far between.

As for setting an example, I usually try to set those for myself first, before I hold anyone else to it.

I meant more...

Hmm. My relationship with Anakin isn't the same anymore, and... neither is ours. I guess if I had a hope for the future, it would be that you could see me more as a friend, rather than as someone you can't open up around.

That might . . . take some time.

[ He's a little set in some things. ]

But I'm not saying it can't happen.

I figured.

Old habits and so on, right?

I am quite old now.

[ And he's feeling it. ]

Though I'll never reach Yoda's status.

I don't think there's many who could.

No.

[ Which reminds him. He owes her some information. ]

Yoda believes we will not win the war. He said as much to me. Han Solo and the others have . . . confirmed it for me.

[ Kanan's identity, however, he'll continue to protect. ]

[... Oh. Oh. Is this what she's been sensing that's been weighing on him so much? Well, she DID want Obi-Wan to share more. She should have been more careful what she wished for.

For a moment, Ahsoka just stares at him, eyes wide in surprise and confusion. Stunned. Unlike Obi-Wan, such a fate had never even occurred to her. Ahsoka has matured so much, but she is still young and naive in so many other respects. She wants the war to end, without question. And she has her misgivings about the Order now, too. But that doesn't mean she wants the Republic to lose. She isn't sure how to take this news at all. ... Finally:]

... What?

Then-- what happens to the Separatists? [She isn't sure she should even be asking. Is this knowledge for her ears? ... But Obi-Wan has started down the path. She has to know.]

Do they... successfully form a new state? Under Dooku? [Ugh!]

No. You could say the Separatists and the Republic end up being defeated.

[ As a forethought. ]

As well as the Jedi. That's why I encouraged Anakin's decision and told him the truth.

[ He pauses, quiet. Even now, just speaking about it hurts. It's not simply the knowledge of it.

It was the way Caleb spoke about it. That made so real. For Leia and Han, it was history. Terrible history, but history nonetheless.

Caleb lived it. ]

[Ahsoka's eyebrows furrow in confusion.]

... What do you mean? How can both sides be defeated? That doesn't make any sense.

[ He steeples his fingers together. ]

The whole thing was orchestrated by the Sith Lord. To drain resources from both sides and then claim it all for himself. We all sensed it, in a way. How wrong the war was, how the reasons it was built on were flimsy.

It was simply too late.

What...?

[Watch the slowly dawning horror on Ahsoka's face as the gears turn in her head and she processes the words Obi-Wan is saying. As the full ramifications of those few sentences begin to play out in her mind.

That the Clone Wars aren't even real. That everything they fought for was a sham. That she was never fighting for peace-- she was fighting for a Sith. That all those people, all those clones, all those Jedi died for nothing.]

... No ...

[Her head shakes from side to side just once as she says it. An unconscious reflex, a desperate effort to reject what Obi-Wan is saying, even though she knows he's telling the truth.]