driftfleet | may mingle (blameless!)

[ This is the difficult part, she thinks - this is the bit that's going to be hard. Along with all the death and the pain there was something good hidden with it all; something she had clung to, and even if she can't tell Hank everything she knows he has the right to know some things, especially with how things are changing and reshaping between them. She can't lie to him, even if it's a lie by omission, and her eyes search his face for a moment before she breathes out. ]

I know, it's okay. We've both had to make choices we shouldn't have had to - we didn't deserve what happened to us. None of us did.

[ Slowly, slowly, Raven shifts up and turns so she's facing Hank properly. It hurts her heart, but the words have to come - and she has to tell him before they figure out what they're sharing, whatever is happening between them. If he wants her then she could have it, she would want it too, but it has to come with honesty and trust because that had been shattered between them. ]

You - you have to understand that I never thought I was going to come back. I didn't really think I would ever see you again, and I... Hank, I wanted to move on. So I did, at least for a little while. [ Raven frowns, trying to find the right words; it's hard and she can't truly express how she feels about Azazel, not really. ] We were a Brotherhood, and we were a family. But I was closer to some of them than others, do you understand? Someone in particular.

[ And it wouldn't be Erik, who was the leader and more of a family figure to her (despite her bedroom antics before they left) and it wouldn't be Sean or Janos, who rarely spoke. There was only one person, really, and she knows Hank is smart enough to pick up on it. ]

No . . . none of us did. [that much he can admit to, past the guilt for everything that's happened. Has said as much to Charles, when they were discussing similar things.

And . . .

Oh.

It's this conversation.

He can't . . . even pretend that he doesn't know already. He had wanted to hope, of course - that the other worlds had been different in this respect, that Raven hadn't - had a relationship with Azazel in their world, and yet here it is.

He doesn't look surprised, at least. It borders more on accepting and exasperated and - no, he can't be hurt. They had gone their separate ways, and he knows that]

Azazel, right?

[that's it, that's all he's saying]

[ The fact that it doesn't seem to surprise him should irritate her, but it's more of a relief than anything else. It makes the burden easier, as if she can come to grips with what she wants from Hank and what she wanted in the past, too. It's not as if it makes it all perfect, as if they could just move on and go on happily, but it helps. Just a little, at least in her mind.

It might not be the same in Hank's.

While she isn't exactly ashamed of herself she does feel a bit of discomfort, moving her hands away from where they had been so close to Hank, letting her body shift back too. Her hands end up resting on her legs, fidgeting anxiously, and she nods, once, a slow, careful thing. ]

Azazel.

[ She ends up breathing out, closing her eyes as she speaks. ]

I don't need to explain it, or excuse myself. I'm not sure what I should say, since it was us and not you. But you deserve to know because we - you and I were -

[ Kissing. And touching. And being close again and even in the mansion she had wanted him. It wasn't fair that something this big was kept from him, at least for now. ]

[he lets her move away, but it isn't because of the reveal - again, it's on her terms, and - this is a conversation too awkward to have while they're cuddled up to each other.

He isn't sure what he wants to say, and it's obvious in the way he reaches up to take off his glasses, needing something to fiddle with as he gathers his thoughts. Thoughts he's pushed away time and again because he didn't want to acknowledge it.

Finally he sighs, and - he can't help it, he huffs out a noise and rolls his eyes]

I wouldn't ask you to explain yourself. We weren't - together at the time, and it - it isn't as though you aren't allowed to . . . to have other relationships.

[HE HATES THIS CONVERSATION] I don't hate you. I'm not even - angry about it. It doesn't change how I feel about you. [even if that part comes out almost petulantly.

A pause]

But you should ask me how I know. Because - if you don't I'm going to keep putting it off.

[ A petulant, teenage part of Raven doesn't want to talk about this and she watches Hank, watching to see if there's any sign that might give her a chance to run away and avoid the topic now that it's up in the air. The problem is that Hank seems so certain, as if it was knowledge someone else had told him - and, knowing this place, it might well be. She doesn't know what happened before she woke up here and she doesn't know what everyone else knows; she only knows what she herself can offer Hank, right here and right now.

Still, she's oddly charmed by his awkward fumbling, fiddling away as if she wasn't baring her heart to him in her own way. Admitting things like this is hard, but - she knows what she wants, and what she wants is to spend more time with Hank, bridge the unspoken thing they never managed to work out before she left. ]

It didn't change how I felt about you, either. I know I was hurt, that night, and I know that I wanted you to see what I did, but - it doesn't mean I ever stopped feeling how I did. Ten years doesn't feel like a long time when you look in the mirror and nothing changes.

[ It only felt like a long time because of the pain, and the heartache.

Hesitantly, though, she leans forward, fighting back the frown on her face. The answer seems obvious. ]

The other mutants.

[never in his life has he been more thankful for the serum, because it limits what he can react to and - boy is it helping now. Along with the mess of - everything that comes with this, he's suddenly more nervous than ever, and he doesn't stop fiddling with his glasses. Cleaning invisible stains on the lenses over and over]

You - kind of made that obvious when you stopped at the mansion. [it's a weak attempt at humor, and he smiles briefly to get it across] And when - you came over here the first time. I know how you feel, and you know how I feel, so - so it's - it's okay.

[he glances up from his glasses briefly and meets her expression, his own nervous and like he wants to flee]

Yes, but - [he's going to do it. He has to, before another thing is sprung on her without warning]

There's two in particular, though. They're - both named Kurt, but they come from different - versions of our world. [he looks back down at his glasses] And - they're both teleporters, like Azazel. [and then back up, to watch her expression] With blue skin.

[ Hank keeps fiddling and playing and Raven knows something is going to come - he wouldn't be so nervous otherwise, and her eyes dance over him features before she takes a deep breath. For a moment she's scared that something awful is going to happen, but the words come out and she tenses, almost frozen in place. The names come and all of it links together and she almost recoils, shaking her head. ]

Hank, I - [ She swallows, and she tenses, looking away. Her hands clench around nothing and she shakes her head, not able to look at him right now - because she can't. She can't handle it and she wants to go back to the easy comfort of laying with Hank and knowing she's wanted, being able to devote her whole attention to him rather than having some of her mind focussed on being human instead of mutant. ]

I can't talk about - that. Please. [ Teleporters with blue skin. She knows what it means and she knows what Hank knows, or thinks he knows, and she shakes her head, closing her eyes. ] Not right now. There's been too much already and I think my brain is going to melt and I can't, Hank, I just can't, all I wanted -

[ Breathing out, she shakes her head again. ]

All I want is for you to kiss me and tell me it's going to be okay, that - that everything here will work out. It's selfish, I know, telling you all these things and wanting so much from you, but I can't help it. I can't help myself when it comes to you.

Edited 2016-05-15 03:18 (UTC)

[he's staring at her, he knows he is, and the only thing that snaps him out of it is that he can hear his glasses creaking. It startles him into dropping them, and blankly he watches them clatter to the floor before he looks back up at Raven again.

And - maybe it's weak and selfish of him, to be completely okay with not discussing it, not asking the questions he's refused to acknowledge since he found out about it all. But if it is, he doesn't care. He can't, he doesn't want to, and - he told her. It's out of the way. She can do what she wants with the information and - he'll be there to listen or support or completely stay out of it.

He knows he's weak when it comes to her, though. She'd ask him for the moon and he'd try to figure out a way to give it to her.

Barely a second passes after she finishes talking that he moves, his actions almost desperate. He crowds into her space, one hand braced on the bed by her hip and the other pressed to her cheek, leans in close until his lips are just barely brushing hers - and has to forcibly stop himself because he has to talk first.

When he does his voice is just as weak, rough and forced out] Whatever you want, it's yours.

[and then he gives in and kisses her, to say everything else he can't manage without words]

[ Suddenly, as if lightning has struck her, Raven knows what she needs. She knows and she understands that all she needs is to be able to be herself, to share herself with someone who understands her, to be able to be happy with the person that she has cared about for so long - ten years and more. She remembers going back to the mansion and Hank taking care of her leg, remembers looking at him and hearing that the serum wears down when he gets worked up. She remembers watching his face and feeling the burn of wanting more, the touch of his hand against her body and the warmth it inspired -

she remembers the happiness of feeling beautiful and wanted. She had thought she would never have that with Hank, that she would never be able to feel cherished as herself while she still wanted him. She had been wrong, and she's never been so happy to be proven wrong before.

They're both being selfish now, though. They both want so much from each other and it's not going to be easy. She's been here two weeks and spent most of her time with Hank, or in Hank's room, letting herself bask in the silence of his company and baring her heart to him because she didn't have anyone else, couldn't ask anyone else, and he had been as solid and sure as she could have ever dreamed.

As Hank moves Raven does too, shifting towards him as if she's magnetised to him, the North to her South, drawing her closer with instinct more than anything else. Hank might be weak when it comes to her but she knows she's weak to him as well, passing a part of her heart over towards him without hesitation, lifting her hand to wrap it around his neck without a pause just because she needs to touch him, needs to feel him and know that he's there and that they both want this. ]

I just - I want you. Whatever you can give me, whatever I can give you, it's all I want-

[ And then he's kissing her and it's different from kissing him when he's blue but not at all because it's Hank. It might not be the most healthy way to handle things and it might not be the most productive, but she presses into the kiss and draws him closer, drowning in the warmth of him and the taste of his lips against her own, the thrum of joy and want lighting her up from the inside out. ]

[a distant part of his mind desperately tries to remember if he locked the door. He's pretty sure he did. God, he hopes he did.

And that's all his mind is good for, really, because his hands are moving before he can catch up to what he's doing, the hand on Raven's cheek sliding up into her, the one on the bed moving up to rest on her hip. He can feel all of his careful control beginning to shatter, and -

Fuck it. Forget the serum, forget his control, she wants this from him and he'll give it to her, give himself over completely for all that she gives herself over to him. The hand on her hip pulls her even closer, until she's as close as she can be in their positions and kisses her like his life depends on it]

[ And she moves with him in every moment; the guiding hand on her hip makes her shift, lifting herself up so she's in Hank's lap more than she's out of it, adjusting her legs so she can straddle him properly and lean in for a kiss with a better angle, her arms around his neck and her fingers reaching to stroke through his hair, gentle as she centres herself. He's warm and real and she keeps thinking it each time they do this, each time they kiss, reminding her of the mansion and the passion she had felt then, how it had been so easy to lean over him and give into her urges, to let him touch her and explore - until he had stopped.

Raven wonders if he'll stop now, and she thinks she doesn't want him to.

It's not just that she wants Hank to make all the bad thoughts go away, of course; she isn't using him as a distraction or a tool and she hopes that he knows. Hank has always been the forefront of her mind, has always been so important to her, changing her view of herself and strengthening her, making her stronger and weaker all at once, and he had influenced her more than he knew. Now she can embrace the better side of all of that, letting herself give in to the desire and the depth of feeling she has towards him, her hand on his cheek as she presses closer.

She wants this; she wants him. She wants Hank to know how much she cares about him because, fuck, she's sure she's been half in love with him since they first met and she told him that he was amazing, since their first tentative almost kiss, since she sat on his lap, watched him work, since the first tears and the first kiss and all of it.

It's the kind of thing that never ends, and she embraces it because she wants to. She doesn't fight the affection she has for him because it's good, amazing and perfect and Hank in her arms is the greatest thing she's experienced, Hank touching her so good it makes her want to fall apart as she draws him into a deeper kiss. ]

[if he had been planning to stop, he shows no signs of it. Especially not when she moves to sit in his lap, and he sits back to make it easier, moving with her.

He's no stranger to overwhelming the serum, but it's different each time. Entirely dependent on what's overwhelming him and how, what the state of his emotions are before he completely lets go, and if it's a willing thing or not. Sometimes it's an all-over, quick change; sometimes it's a slow crawl, almost reminiscent of Raven's shapeshifting. But he can tell each time, feel it as his body physically changes and his mutation pushes its way through.

It's subtle at first; he shifts his hand in her hair and briefly pulls it away all together as fur and blue start to emerge, as his nails push their way out into claws. He only draws back long enough to get a breath of air and to allow for his face to go through its changes before moves forward again to resume the kiss.

He doesn't pay attention to the rest. Not when his mind is focused on the only other person in the room, and all he wants is to keep kissing her, touching her, being entirely selfish and not giving a damn about it]

[ Raven doesn't stop when he goes blue; she doesn't change herself either, and that she does on purpose. She shifts herself and settles on his lap, lets herself press close to him and embrace him, but she doesn't change. This time it's because she knows he thinks she's beautiful, but she wants him, all the time, to know that he is too, that she isn't ashamed to kiss him like this, that it doesn't deter her or make her her want to stop. She will kiss him as a 'human' and he will know that, no matter what he looks like, she will want him.

Gentle fingers stroke over his face as the change happens, touching the lines and the new features before she tilts her head up into another kiss, lifting herself closer and pressing her chest against his. It's only when she's sure that Hank has got her point that she changes herself, the pale transforming into blue as she relaxes, her fingers gripping at the fabric of his shirt as she tilts into more and more kisses, wanting to draw them out and have them last forever.

There's no way she will ever get enough of kissing Hank, of touching him, of having their bodies close, and she wants to drag him down and hold herself against him and bask in it without hesitation - because she yearns for him. She adores him.

(She loves him).

Still, she has to lean back for air too and, when she does, her thumb brushes over his lip as her own turn up into a smile. All the bad feelings from before are melting away, and she feels more comfortable than she has in a long time. ]

Hank. [ She doesn't need to say the rest, she thinks. Instead, she cups both his cheeks before letting her hands move, one to the back of his neck and the other to his chest, holding on to him as she leans in for another kiss, addicted to the feel of him. ]

[he - doesn't know what to do about that, but apparently his heart does because his chest bursts with so many emotions he can't put a word to what any of them are. He just knows it means something, and he'll spend a long time holding onto that.

He returns her smile, welcomes her back in when she kisses him again, and both of his hands drop to the small of her back, holding her there, holding her close - and letting the kiss go on until his body has to remind him that he has to breathe. How inconvenient.

It isn't stopping. Hell, it could be barely considered pausing, but he draws back enough to catch his breath again, lips brushing hers and a faint laugh in his voice when he talks, voice lower now that the serum has worn off] I'm not complaining - [a brief kiss to punctuate that] - but we can't - keep doing this in my lab. [another kiss, this one a little longer, lingering] Someone will - interrupt us sooner or later.

[and good god would that be the most awkward moment of his life. He walked in on people; not the other way around]

[ It's wonderful, she thinks, and she wishes they'd had it all those years ago. She wishes that she and Hank could have shared this, but at the same time she knows they would never have been ready for it. As they were they had been too uncertain, too new to it, too unprepared - but they're ready now, both of them, and she's so glad.

For a moment she feels a little bit like a limpet, wrapping all parts of herself around Hank and holding him close, letting herself enjoy it, the way it feels and the sheer gentle, rolling, passionate comfort of it. Both of them need to breathe and it's the only thing that drags her kisses away from him, leaving her almost pouting before she goes in for another and another, unable to stop now that she's started, giving her all to him.

Still, one of them has to be the sensible one and she supposes it might as well be Hank. It's easy to kiss him again, harder and deeper, to bite at his lower lip and draw it out, but she knows he's right. The lab door isn't closed and she's as blue as he is - she might feel unconcerned about that one day, but it isn't today. Today she leans back and nods her head, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek, his forehead. ]

Do you - want to move? [ It comes out uncertain, unsure, Raven wanting to know how far Hank wants to know and not sure how to ask. She does lean up for another kiss, though, this one far more chaste and far quicker, her hands resting on Hank's chest as she breathes out, wiggling a little. ] Is there somewhere else? [ Locking the door probably doesn't help on a fleet of people with powers, and Raven might not be too concerned with being walked in on but she's sure it's not the same for Hank. ]

[he really, really hates that he's the sensible one, but at least the thought doesn't come from all the issues he has with his mutation. No, it comes from him being an awkward human being in general who has never really done this, outside of his times with Raven. And - a quick glance to the door, yep, it was wide open.

Of course, maybe if he could stop kissing her he could get a clear thought across. He isn't sure where he wants this to go either, but then again, he never is. He just doesn't think about that sort of thing, like his brain isn't wired for it outside of - well, now.

He huffs an amused noise and keeps kissing her, though. Short, chaste kisses because he's selfish, and even if he'd rather they do this in private, he's going to make the most of the last few moments like this] Not here. [wryly] This is as private as it gets here. [the Blameless doesn't have private rooms yet and for the first time he really wishes it did] We could find somewhere?

[ Raven quietly appreciates the sensible nature of Hank - while the people on his ship might be used to seeing him blue she really, really isn't used to being herself quite yet and she doesn't trust the people around her, no matter what Kitty says. Pausing to make sure that no one will walk in on them, both for the awkwardness and the safety, is something that soothes her more than she would like to admit. She's comfortable here with Hank, but she doesn't trust the rest of the fleet just yet no matter who is here.

It's incredibly hard not to kiss Hank, and it's obvious from the way she keeps leaning into each one even as they try to speak to each other. Now that they're here it's difficult to stop, and knowing that if they do might mean that they have to talk about things and what it means to be here together, sharing this, the fact that she will probably leave again when they get home but come back as well, not wanting to be too far away but needing the space - it's hard, and she doesn't want to consider those things, she can't, but she has to cling to it all the same.

Still, the intensity calms down and softens into gentle, chaste kisses that are more sweet than anything else. She has no idea where they would have gone if sense hadn't stepped in, but it's not something she was particularly against; she just isn't sure how far Hank wants to go, how far he has gone, how much she can push and tug at him before it becomes too much. ] The Caprine is awful. I sleep in the engine room because they all sleep together. [ Which means; there's no privacy there, either. She looks almost petulant as she leans close, leaving a kiss on the curve of his jaw. ] I don't think there is anywhere, Hank.

[at the very least, Hank has no plans to talk about things they don't want to at the moment. He's past that - their conversation earlier had been intense enough to put him off from bringing anything up that may lead them that way again, and he'd rather they just - enjoy time with each other. The thing they keep bringing up. It isn't so much working things out as just . . . catching up on all the time they missed]

You—Raven. Don't sleep in the engine room. [it isn't chiding, not really. There's humor in his voice and he lets his head fall back, finally, groaning at how ironic this whole situation is. If he wasn't convinced that his life was a big joke before, he was now. Of course they'd both be on ships without any sense of privacy.

He slides a hand up her back, comforting as he huffs] There's empty rooms on the Iskaulit, and hotels on the moon. If - we want privacy. [he's so glad that the blue doesn't really allow for blushing, but he can't keep the flustered tone out of his voice] We could just - go somewhere. Together.

I'll sleep where I like. [ She says it gently, though, kissing Hank again because she can't stop. It's not that she minds the bunks or the lack of privacy, exactly - it's not as if the Brotherhood ever had a mansion to live in while they were on the run - it's just that she doesn't know anyone. She doesn't trust the strangers. ] I'll start sleeping in here if I have to.

[ But, still, the choice seems to be in her hands, and Raven is quiet for a moment as she considers what to do. She's not sure how far Hank really wants to go and while she's comfortable with her own wants and desires - it's not as though she's completely new to this sort of thing, as the awkward conversation from before has shown them both - she knows that, maybe, Hank isn't. She doesn't know how much he wants from her and it's both confusing and refreshing at once; it's nice to think that there's a hint of unknown tied up with all the comfort and glee of being together again.

Hank's hand soothes the tension in her back and she tilts her head up, watching him for a long moment before she lets her palm lift up to settle against the side of his neck, grounding her there. ] I want to go somewhere with you. Just us, for - as long as we can have it. [ It'd be nice to pretend the rest of the world didn't exist, just as they had in the mansion when she had questioned him about his lack of blue, when they had pressed together and found each other. Hank reminds her of home in the best ways, and she has to ignore the bad parts to make it perfect. ]

Where do you want to go? [ The question comes out quiet and soft, Raven's hand warming against the skin of his neck. ] Hank, what do you want right now? [ Raven's not an idiot and she can tell he's flustered, would be ducking his head and fighting red cheeks if he wasn't blue, and she smiles softly as she kisses him again, her voice quiet when she leans back to speak. ] I just want you.

[how is he supposed to think straight when they keep kissing each other? Gentle or not, he still huffs. A part of it is selfish, but he doesn't like the idea that she feels like she has to sleep elsewhere that isn't her own bed] Then sleep here. [it's as simple as that] Until - however long you want.

[he's so bad at what he wants, though. He never puts his own first - it's always everyone else's, and at least in this case his own line up with Raven's. He just wants to be with her, in any way he can, whether it's walking around or somewhere private or - he doesn't care, as long as Raven's there. But actually voicing it? Putting it to words? It isn't as easy.

He does duck his head after they share another kiss, that's a habit he'll never grow out of, and his fingers flex against the skin of her back in lieu of a pair of glasses to nervously fiddle with. He practically forces himself to speak, though, a sign that even that has changed in some way - even if he can't quite keep his tone even] I - just want you too. So - anywhere. We can go anywhere.

[and then, because he doesn't feel like it's enough and his mind is suddenly spinning, he blurts out] I could take you on a proper date. We never did that.

[ 'However long she wants' might end up being forever and Raven is pretty certain that Hank knows that. He wouldn't make the offer if he wasn't comfortable with it - and she's had far better times on this bed in his lab than she's had on the Caprine so far. That has more to do with the company than the bed itself, though, and she softens a little as she nods, once. ] I'll hold you to that.

[ And she means it too. What's more important right now, however, is deciding how they want to proceed. Both of them are nervous about saying what they want from each other, but proximity and time will make it easier - and she knows that. They need to get used to being around each other without the background of warfare and confusion, and it's going to take time. This is a start, though - it's a really good start.

All she does when Hank ducks down is wrap her arms around his neck, allowing him the moment of uncertainty; his hands move against the skin of her back and she closes her eyes, letting herself enjoy the nervous tick before she moves her hand to his chin, tilting it up and stroking her thumb against his lip gently. ] I don't care where we go as long as you're there. That's what's important - that we're together. That we can do this - everything - together.

[ If it means finding a private room and fumbling into something more serious, if it means going and playing games on another ship or running around in masks on the planet below - she doesn't care, because Hank will be with her. His next words make her pause, though, her eyes widening as she leans back to look at him properly, knowing her cheeks would be flaring if she wasn't blue. ]

A proper date - like boyfriends and girlfriends do?

[ She's never been a girlfriend before, and the prickle of delight she feels makes her face light up. ]

[Hank knows, and if that's how it turns out, well - he certainly isn't going to complain] Good. No more sleeping in the engine room.

[putting words to things is hard enough at times for him, without it coming out as a rambling babble of conscious thought that he can't quite word the way he wants. But putting words to this - this has always been difficult, and whether it's what he wants, or what they are - he's never quite sure what to say, or how to say it.

He wants to ramble now, wants to completely shut up and not say a single word for hours, and as she tilts his head up to look at her he swallows nervously. Random make-outs he can do, has done. Actual - dating things, relationship things, his experience there is very lacking, and he's pretty sure grabbing drinks doesn't count.

And then - she puts words to it. Words that even when his memories were a mess and he couldn't piece his own life together, he'd never used to refer to them. Because "together" just seemed to work well enough, for something he didn't quite understand. It worked after he remembered everything they'd gone through. If he's honest, those words kind of terrify him]

Like - like that, yeah. Dinner, or - whatever you want to do.

[ It's strange to think of using those words for them, really, considering how far apart they had been for so long. They had never bridged the gap in expression before they had gone to Cuba and after that - after that they hadn't been close enough for it to matter. Loving someone from a distance wasn't the same as being with them and she knew that; she felt no shame about the other choices she made in company and romance when she was far, far away from Hank and the warmth in her heart when she thought about him. Now she knows what she wants but verbalising it is hard.

How long will they be here for? How long would she be aboard the ships, with him and Charles and Erik? How long until Atroma sends them home and she goes back to a world where she has to fight for their kind while Hank and Charles educate the ones that can't protect themselves, fighting to be a part of a society that hates them? Maybe things will change, in time, but it's not going to be that easy - and she's scared. She's scared to put name to something that might end up broken by reality when this strange dream ends and the world welcomes them back.

The idea of not trying, of not working for something she wants just because it might not end well seems ridiculous to her, though. She had gone after Trask, she had gone after the president, she had stood before the world as herself, blue and proud and mutant in all that she controlled, and she had survived. Admitting what she wanted to someone else shouldn't be on the same level of difficulty, but it was - it was hard for her to tell Hank that she wanted him when they both knew the chance of her leaving was higher than the chance of her ever being comfortable staying.

It wasn't fair to hold him back when he could be with someone that could be at his side all the time, forever, but Raven had always been more than a little selfish when it came to the people in her life.

Her expression softens, though, and she nods her head, leaning up for another kiss, slow and sure, focussing on that rather than the twisting burn of thoughts that echo in her mind. ]

We'll go on a date. [ Raven smiles, soft and certain. ] Dinner, somewhere quiet, maybe, so we can just - talk. I think we can do that.

[if he knew how she felt, he'd tell her that he's been holding himself back for years. If she asks, he'll tell her that he's tried to date in the time they've been apart - and that every single attempt had never gone very far, either because of his mutation, or because he just couldn't picture himself feeling that way about someone else. Even here in the fleet he'd started something with Kara, tentative and with the time to develop it into something more, but as soon as Raven had shown up . . . he'd saved his friendship with Kara instead, so he wouldn't hurt her because he was so hopelessly tangled up with someone else.

A long, long time ago, he'd pictured a life with her - a normal life, where they did normal things and had a normal relationship, the world no longer a worry. After she had left, and he was alone with Charles he never gave it a second thought again - it hurt too much, knowing that even if she did come back, they couldn't have that. Not in their world, not when mutants were forced to hide and they couldn't be themselves. Maybe that's why he never found someone else; it would have been almost exactly what he wanted, but he knew it was impossible and it'd be with the wrong person.

But he pushes those feelings away - here and now, that's what's important. And - even this won't be normal, not for them. A ghost of it, maybe, but it's enough that he wants to try. They're trying to find the boundaries of their relationship and maybe adding something like this is the wrong idea, but - he doesn't think it is. The one thought that never leaves his mind is that he wants to treat her right, and - this is that, too. He wants to make her happy, and the idea of them going out on a date - such a simple thing, really - seems to do that]

I'd like that. [it's a quiet admission, but so incredibly earnest]

[ The strange thing is that no matter how far Raven had gone away, no matter how intensely she had become Mystique, she knew that a part of her would always end up drawn back to Hank. She never imagined herself able to have a family of her own, never felt as though she could be comfortable with someone as she was, blue and proud, and she had thought when she had met Hank that maybe it would change, that they could share something. That one night in the mansion had shattered all those dreams, and it had taken her a very long time to forgive him for it.

She had wanted so much from Hank and maybe it had been unfair for her to do it when they were both so young, but they're older now and maybe they can bear the weight on their shoulders.

It's still so strange, because she was so used to Charles being the one with dates, Charles being able to go out and find a lady he liked and enjoy himself with her back in Oxford. It had never been something she had ever been able to enjoy because she had never been herself; how can she be a girlfriend when she's lying to the person she's with? It's one of the major reasons that she ended up sliding away and becoming insular, loathing Charles finding another girl and another girl, using his mutation to find a way to get into their good graces; it was one of the reasons she was so stupidly bitter for so long.

Now, though, there's a chance - and Hank can see her for what she is and he doesn't imagine her as anything else anymore. He sees her, blue and proud, and he accepts it, wants her just as she is. She's never had the chance to go on a date, to just be with someone and enjoy their company, to feel safe and comfortable, and the simple offer and simple promise means more to her than she could possibly say.

Leaning forward, she rests her head against his, closing her eyes. ]

We should find somewhere private, too. Not for anything untoward - [ Which is a terribly Charles thing to say ] - but because I want to sleep beside you. We never got to have that before, did we? We never had the chance.

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