driftfleet | Tourist ROAD TRIP (mingle)

Kitty...[ he takes her hand, trying to draw in the courage he needs to just come out and say it ] The truth is I wanna take you home with me. I wanna take practically everybody home with me because everyone's worlds are awful - why are everyone's worlds awful? [ it drives him completely insane. margaery's world is backwards, kate's is weird as hell and under so many attacks so often it needs hundreds of heroes, cisco's has reverse flash and zoom (which is one of the worst villain names he's ever heard, by the way) that give him nightmares just hearing about, sascha's never had a friend, the list just keeps going and going and how can they take it? he feels so blessed, getting to grow up in national city, and just having his family. only being hated for it. his childhood shouldn't feel like a sheltered one, but now it does. ] I can't do this. I can't - sleep when any day people can get sucked away to another prison or back to a horrible life, or the people responsible for ruining lives could be pulled in here cuz some [ addressing the ceiling now ] asshole aliens! think it's funny.

[She leans in pressing her forehead to his for a long moment.] And I told you once not to suggest it, right? [She sighs softly.] You really know how to listen. Winn, I'm sorry if that had you hung up. It was just the timing. I wasn't ready yet. It was a commitment I was afraid you might want to take back later if things didn't go as well. [Like Reid. Not that he ever exactly took it back. She doesn't really think he'd deny her a better life, but she doesn't think he'd encourage her to choose his world.] We're closer now.

You're not going to be able to help anyone if you're not letting your mind and body recharge. Share the work during waking hours.

You're very compelling.

[ he smiles a little, because he's not sure what else to do. he's tired and he's upset, so lightening the mood feels like the way to go. ]

I can't turn it off, I try. But I just...can't.

Maybe you should try talking to Chloe? Or a doctor or lab tech you feel better about? Maybe there's a sleeping aid you could try taking.

What if something happens in the middle of the night? A breach with Plato, an engineering problem - [ he squeezes her hand, his way of adding you needing me ] I can't afford to be drugged up.

Then I'll handle it or Kirk will or Vision if we're on my ship. Or we'll find you another solution.

...Maybe talking to Charles would help?

[ he tenses up in her arms. ]

Yeah - I couldn't sit in the same room with the guy without making him worry for my sanity - [ not exactly the reassurance he needs. ] I've been talking to Jim though, a little bit. [ not about this because he's not sure who he can talk to about kitty being well...dead. but they still talked and he still felt a little better by the end of it so it counts! ]

...What? [Because rewind to the part about the telepath worrying for your sanity.] What did Charles say to you?

[ and that's just making him feel worse. he pulls away, avoiding her eyes and runs a hand through his hair. ]

Don't worry, he didn't tell me to step away from sharp objects. Just that I'm paranoid. That I should...see a therapist.

Do we have those? [Because she kind of thought he was the closest thing they had there.]

I dunno. [ charles offered, but the idea of letting someone into his head wasn't really sitting well with winn. as in, he'd rather take a stroll out the airlock. ] Didn't look.

[She brushes back his hair.] I went to talk to him. Charles. About things. I thought maybe it would help.

[ he doesn't pull away, even though the petty part of him wants to. it's fair of her to be worried - he's told her about his dad, about his concerns, and charles is a telepath. but it doesn't make her reaction hurt any less. jim instantly told him there's nothing crazy about him, and he just wants the woman he loves to have that same faith in him.

instead, he focuses on what she's saying about herself. he's sure it'll come back to him, but for now he can focus on her. ]

Did it?

[She's tired and running largely on adrenaline and misreading him and his concerns. Hearing that he's paranoid? Well, it's not much of a surprise, is it? She would never call him crazy. Just like she can have PTSD and not be crazy, right?]

I don't know. Probably not yet anyway. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack over you being gone.

[ that he's paranoid surprises no one. ]

Did I mention I'm sorry yet? Cuz I am -

That's not... I'm not trying to make you feel bad about it.

You don't have to, I do that all by myself.

[ smile? a little bit? he sighs ]

I hope it helps. [ he admires her courage asking for and accepting this help. there's a reason she's the hero and he's the sidekick, and it's not just his lack of powers. ]

[She hopes so too.]

I know you do. [She looks at him with a gentle expression.] But really, I'm sorry. I was confused and hurt for a minute, but I get it. I see what you were going for and I know you would never intentionally do something to hurt me. We're good. I'm just sorry I didn't see you struggling before this. I want to be there for you at least half as much as you are for me. [She wants it to be just as much, but he's impossible to keep up with.]

Kitty - you are. I'm really good at listening - that means I hear what you're saying when you get on a shuttle and come see me, even though the Windrose is where your best friend is. I hear what you're saying when you get me snacks, when you indulge my projects, when you didn't argue about giving Cisco my room for a night. I hear what you're saying when you hold me, I hear what you're saying right now. Honestly, no one's ever been that sensitive to my needs. [ he's not sure how to deal with it. ]

[She sinks back into him, wrapping her arms around him.] I love you and I'm worried. I want to help. [She knows what it's like to have a problem with sleep. Being with him solves that for her. Doesn't seem like it works the other way for him though.]

[ he wraps his arms around her in return, pulling her close and presses a kiss to the top of her head, his hurt pushed aside. ]

You do help. But hey - how about in the morning, I'll catch you up on what I've been up to? A genius head is better in than one.

Good. Does that mean we can go to bed? [Spoiler alert: She's not going without him.]

Yeah - lemme just - put everything away.

[ he'll have a full on panic attack if he loses his research - what little of it he's got. ]

[She nuzzles against him before pulling back.] Okay. [She looks around for something she can stack up to help.] Is there anything else I should know?

Hmn.

[ he gets up and starts stacking his research and putting it carefully away in a drawer he'll lock when they're done. ]

I'm not making explosive teddy bears if that's what you mean - [ how would she mean that winn you never even told her your dad's a toymaker. ] I dunno, there probably is, people are complicated.

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