Your regularly scheduled creepy visitor

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who needs him... or wants to chat to him
Broadcast: No
Action: On any ship except Marsiva, Tourist or Red Fish because he avoids visiting two and can't visit the third.
When: While the fleet is moving and probably a bit after

[There is this thing Cole does.

He visits other ships. Sometimes he put the Pathstone alongside to visit and sometimes he takes a shuttle, but he's constantly wandering all over the fleet, being with people, circulating.

He hasn't done it in a while. He got a nasty fright and went into hiding for a while.

But the creepy psychic being is back! Sticking his large nose into all the business.]

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[Cole watches Obi-Wan for a while and then... he thinks it might work. Like with River.]

I might be able to explain. You're... not a spirit. But you have something that might make it work anyway. Speaking without bodies.

[He offers out one long fingered, body hand, palm up.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan hesitates before resting his palm against Cole's. ]

Are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you accidentally.

[killedwithlove]

[In reply Cole exhales and lets go of his physical form.

He's still there, obviously. But he almost seems to glow softly with his love, with his compassion for all things. Living. Non-living. Never living. His mind expands and wraps around Obi-Wan, politely waiting for him to open telepathically.

Cole is a telepath. More than, Cole is a being of psychic energy condensed into a physical shape. To a Jedi? Just maybe, he seems a bit like a being made from Light Side energy. Or maybe he just seems like pure emotions.

But in this moment, Cole is his most ... Cole. Laid bare and completely unafraid and unashamed.

And waiting to see what Obi-Wan will do.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan closes his eyes and lets himself go in the Force. There, full of energy was Cole.

Obi-Wan has never fully let himself go into the Force. He's always held back, always kept some aspect of him away. The Force is Obi-Wan's ally, his comfort but he had ties to other people, ties he's never let go of.

In a way, he was a terrible Jedi.

This time, however, there was little point in holding on. His hold was strong and tight, and with care, he pries his fingers away. ]

[killedwithlove]

[This was Cole's existence before he Willed himself across, drawn by the death and suffering of a young mage. Spirits are what they are, no inside, no outside, just wholly what they are all the time.

Once, that was Compassion. Compassion was just that, a spirit of pure compassion, only caring for others, only thriving on the love and care mortals showed one another.

And then, it was called to a mage. A young man who was suffering, starving alone in a cell, weeks in those stone walls alone and he hurt and he was scared and there was no comfort. So Compassion came to comfort him, forced itself into existence purely to offer comfort and solace to the young man.

To Cole.

It gave itself a mortal shape but didn't know what mortals looked like, so it shaped itself like Cole and held him until he died, whispering softly to him, giving him promises that he would not be forgotten.

Cole died and something went horribly wrong. Souls went to the Fade. Spirits were OF the Fade. And in that dying moment, Compassion was overwhelmed by a lifetime of horror, of a murdered mother, an abusive father, a little sister accidentally smothered in trying to hide her, in killing his father, in his physical and sexual and verbal abuse at the hands of Templars-

Compassion learned what suffering felt like and became Cole. A boy with no memories of pride, or faith, no sense of being wise, who had never known hope, who knew fear and despair and pain and in one moment, as he died, learned Compassion.

Cole reins back some of himself, not wanting to slam everything into Ob-Wan, but he thinks this might help him understand just how different Cole is from mortals. That is also very apparent in the forefront. He does everything he can to never hurt people. Even when he kills, he does it because he has to and he does it to cause as little pain as possible.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Ah. It makes more sense now. He lets the memories wash over him, as the Force thrums. He had to let go of his expectations.

Let go, the Force tells him and he does.

His perceptions change, his feelings melt away into the Force as he pulls back gently. ]

It seems I was mistaken on a great many things.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't really want to go back into himself, to using words and mouth to communicate, because this is so much more natural. But he still folds himself back into his own body, the brilliance fading from his skin and eyes.]

I am Compassion. And Cole. Do you understand more?

[beardstrokes]

I . . . believe I do. I'm sorry. The standards I was using were unfair.

[killedwithlove]

It's okay. It's hard to explain to people who don't have spirits like me in their world.

[It really is okay. He managed to explain it. He's different from mortals.]

[beardstrokes]

[ He nods. ]

The closest we have met were the Force-Users of Mortis and even then they were . . . fallible.

[killedwithlove]

I'm not infallible.

I'm just... what I am. Compassion. And Cole. All spirits are what we are. Mortals shape us, but I'm not as easily shaped anymore.

But I can still... do things wrong.

[beardstrokes]

[ It makes sense. Still, he's not sure how to proceed. Not that it'll change the way Obi-Wan treats Cole, with kindness and respect. But he remembers his actions on Mortis and the ripples it had left behind. ]

Are there other spirits?

[killedwithlove]

Oh, yes! Lots! There are a lot of Compassion, we're the weak ones. Mages call us the weakest, most easily changed and damaged, but we make their healing magic work better.

There's a lot of Rage. Desire. Pride. I met an Envy once, they're voracious, vicious. Command, Wisdom, Solas' best friends are all Wisdom. Cassandra was touched by Faith. I was touched by Cole. We were sort of mirrors of each other. Mortal touched by spirit. Spirit touched by mortal.

[beardstrokes]

So . . . is it everyone in your world touched by spirits?

[ In a way, touched by the Force. ]

[killedwithlove]

No. Spirits are in the Fade. Mortals are the world. Spirit mediums can see across to us, call us across, but we don't like to be in the real world. It's confusing, doesn't make sense to us. We usually need a host to manage to stay here, or blood sacrifice to come in our actual shapes.

Mages are connected to the Fade. They go there when they dream. Spirits speak to them then. Most people never encounter spirits. They think we're demons. All evil. We're not evil. We just are what we are.

[beardstrokes]

Fascinating. I wish I could see the Fade up close. The Force sometimes gives us visions when we sleep, but they're often disjointed. Confusing.

[killedwithlove]

Yes.

Spirits don't know the future. The Fade reflects what is in the mortal realm. What's been, gone, is, nearly was, could be, but not what will. There's no certainty. Just thought and emotion and dreams.

[beardstrokes]

Neither does the Force. Certainty is not one of its stronger aspects.

[ He muses. ] I used to have them when I was younger. But I'm not as strong in the Force as I used to be.

[ Though Obi-Wan is still strong in the Force, he isn't much compared to Anakin. ]

[killedwithlove]

You lost your confidence. Grief clouded your sight and it's hard to find again.

You are not less. You just changed where the bench mark is.

[beardstrokes]

[ He goes quiet. ]

I can't deny that my grief has taken hold for a long time.

[killedwithlove]

That's the nature of grief. But you get frustrated at yourself for not being 'better'.

I'm not sure what better is, but I know it hurts you to fall short of what you think you should be.

[beardstrokes]

[ It did. Though Obi-Wan has never suffered a crisis of confidence. He's never felt the real sting of fear or fright. He's taken measure of the Force and he had always followed its call.

Still. Still.

He shrugs loosely. ]

It doesn't hurt. Not really.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't reply to that.

He knows it's a hurt. He wouldn't be aware of it if it wasn't. But maybe, Obi-Wan doesn't notice the pain anymore. The pearl of hurt is there, hiding the knot it formed around.]

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan is spectacularly repressed. His early childhood is riddled with wounds, wounds that sprung from wanting, needing, asking for more. Those emotional ties and moments were then spurned and buried deep. It was easier. Anakin didn't understand, he thrived in his personhood, his identity.

Obi-Wan would sooner forget his than celebrate it. ]

I'm not lying.

[killedwithlove]

No, I know. You're not lying, you're just not right. It's different. I don't think you know the hurt hurts anymore.

I was wondering if that's better or worse.