driftfleet | Try Catching Flootemon with your Communicator!

Uhhhh. You could say that!

I'm going to go out on a limb here [haha, no] and say you're from a point a little ways behind me. I'm not sure how long. Maybe a few months to a year?

I don't know where you are. [ so she can't answer that, but- ] I'd just gotten back to Coruscant after my mission on Drongar, before I was brought here. Master Plo Koon said you were on a mission, but not where.

Ah. [It's said in a tone of voice that very much conveys the feeling of "Well, that explains a lot."]

Speaking from experience here... I don't think it's a great idea to get into specifics about the future. But-- yes. Something... does happen. To make a long story short... I'm not a Jedi anymore.

[There. That's the truth. And it has the added bonus of explaining Ahsoka's weirdness without making it sound like it's about Barriss.]

Oh.

[ and that's the only answer she has for a long few seconds, just staring at ahsoka with wide eyes. it gives barriss more questions than answers, not addressing the things she was really worried about but now making her wonder a whole host of other things. ]

I have to say, I'm surprised. I never thought I would hear that from you.

[ from anakin? hell yes. but not ahsoka. ]

Let's just say I had an irreconcilable philosophical difference with the Council.

[If that sentence sounds practiced, it's because it is-- it's the answer she gives to everyone these days, when they ask why she left. It sums up the situation succinctly without going into any details whatsoever.]

Then I guess that makes sense. Those differences are far too easy to come by these days.

[ whether it's a rehearsed line or not, barriss can get behind the sentiment of it. she'd rather stay and try to make the council see reason, sure, but she can't exactly hold it against anyone who decided to leave instead. ]

... Right. [She thinks she knows where that line of thought is going, and she doesn't like it. Time to smoothly rush past it.] Anyway, so if I seem a bit weird... that probably has something to do with it. I'm-- still trying to figure out who I am without the Order now, and... where I stand with people still in it.

[That much is true.]

That makes sense.

[ barriss nods, clearly compassionate, if a little hesitant. her favourite uncomplicated relationship suddenly isn't that any longer, and it's disheartening, for someone who just wants things to go right. ]

I want you to know that I'm not offended if you want space between us, but I'll be here if you need someone to talk to, too.

[Ahsoka's relief is palpable in the Force-- though perhaps it isn't there for quite for the same reasons as Barriss might think. Ahsoka's relief is twofold-- relief that Barriss buys that as the whole explanation and doesn't ask for more, but also relief that Barriss has already given her an excuse for space if she needs it. Because she probably will, at some point, need it. And she doesn't want to have to explain why.]

... Thanks. I figured... if anyone would understand, it would be you.

Of course, Ahsoka. I can't imagine how difficult that change would be to deal with, even if it is coming out of disagreements with the Council.

[ who are not her favourite people, currently. ahsoka's still up there, though, so her relief is barriss's relief. ]

You make it sound like a foregone conclusion, but Anakin argued about it with me after the fact for weeks.

Anakin's infinitely more stubborn than I am. [ maybe not infinitely, but significantly, at least. he's also staying with the jedi for his own reasons; barriss is only there because she has nothing else. ]

But I get it. I think I do, at least. I find myself disagreeing with so many of the Council's decisions as of late, I... I just can't complain about anybody doing something about it.

[This could be stepping into dangerous territory, but... on the other hand. Maybe it could be a blessing in disguise. A way to stop what's going to happen, for some other version of Ahsoka.]

... If you feel that strongly about it, you could leave too, you know.

We could travel around the galaxy together. Without the Order telling us where to go, or who we can and can't help.

[ that almost sounds nice. but then barriss thinks of luminara, the pride so recently on her face at watching barriss get recognition for passing her trials, and has to shake her head. ]

That sounds idealistic, but I don't think that I could. I'm a Jedi, Ahsoka. I don't think I could be anything else.

[A small bubble of her old frustration rises to the surface.]

What, and you think I'm any different? Barriss, we had the same upbringing. Do you know how hard it was for me to leave? How much I wanted to stay? I didn't think I could be anything else either!

But I know better now. The Order isn't all there is.

But if I leave, that's like giving up on the Order, like saying that it won't ever be what it was again.

[ she gestures with her hands, but it's not in any real direction, just motions of helplessness. ]

And what of Anakin? I know you're as close to him as I am to Luminara and I couldn't imagine leaving her.

It won't ever be what it was again. I not sure it ever really was, in our lifetimes.

[Ahsoka wouldn't normally take such a hardline stance on that, because she is open to the possibility of changing things-- but in Barriss's case, it's a road Ahsoka doesn't want her to wander down.]

What of Anakin? Yes, we were close. And we're still close. Leaving hasn't changed that. [Although it almost did.]

[ the feeling of helplessness grows. it's not like it's foreign to barriss - it's a closer thing than any friend or luminara has been in months - but usually she can ignore it. right now, countering ahsoka's obvious journey of self-discovery, she isn't sure what to do.

so she looks away, out to the water. ]

I don't think that it could be the same for us. I might not be her Padawan any longer, but I'm sure Luminara still needs me and her loyalty lies with the Council.

[ so, so does hers. ]

That's an excuse and you know it.

What about what you need?

My needs aren't that important, Ahsoka.

[ which is to say, she's never considered them before and feels too out of sorts to start now. she's a jedi, just one part of a many faced thing. ]

... Yes. They are.

[Stated flatly and unequivocally. There's a twinge of irritation behind it too, though she tries to stamp it down.

Because this is how it starts, isn't it? Barriss self imploding, Barriss not telling her anything. Ahsoka can't believe she was so blind as to miss it before.]

[ that finally gets barriss looking squarely at ahsoka again, expression somewhere between stubborn and lost as she just looks at the togruta for a long moment, then shakes her head. ]

Then I have no idea what they are. They've never mattered to me. My only want in life has been to be a Jedi and that's what I am.

... There isn't a person alive in this universe or any other who doesn't have needs, Barriss. Jedi included. Everyone has needs. Needs for food, shelter, clothing, family. ... Love. Hope.

Not knowing what your needs are doesn't mean you don't have any. It just means you don't know what they are. And there's nothing particularly Jedi-like about that.

I know what a sentient's basic needs and rights are, Ahsoka. [ although neither love nor hope would have been on her list. she supposed that luminara probably loved her as much as any teacher could love a student, they were close, but it didn't seem like a necessary thing. and so many people lived without hope that that didn't seem all that important, either. nice, but not critical. ]

And those seem to be covered here, so I'm not concerned. Maybe it's not an ideal situation, but we're not being left to fend for ourselves without food or shelter or medical supplies.

In that case, isn't it the perfect time to think about what you want and need? Since everything basic is taken care of.

Try Catching Flootemon with your Communicator!

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