driftfleet | (no subject)

[ sitting on the toilet with his head between his knees, he contemplates the merits of just sitting there for the rest of his life. ok, there aren't that many, but going out and facing kitty right now is a humiliating prospect.

he wanted so badly to be strong for her, to make her happy, to get through this visit and go home in 20 minutes, triumphant. he didn't expect things to get this intense, he didn't expect to feel this pressured. and yeah, he's glad they found out sascha needs their help, he's glad he's going to get what he needs now, at least from kitty, but this has not been a good first encounter for him and he feels like a selfish asshole thinking like that when sascha's worried the person who means most to him won't ever wake up - but he can't help it. forget put himself first, doesn't he get to rank somewhere?

it's quiet for a long moment before he replies quietly, sadly, bitterly. he's not particularly fond of himself right now and he can feel himself about to lash out. ]

I'm fine.

[Her heart is definitely hurting for both of them. It doesn't feel like she can do enough for Sascha or Winn. It's a very helpless feeling. Can't they just need her to beat something up? Push something out into the cold embrace of space?]

Let's go home.

It's okay. [ his throat feels tight, he hates every word out of his mouth, and hates that he hates it. there's a lot of hate going on. ]

I know you wanna stay, he needs you. I can take myself and come back to get you when you're ready.

I want to be with you, Winn.

[Yes, a part of her wants to stay, but it's not bigger than the part of her that needs to support Winn right now. He did a big thing and it hasn't gone great but he's trying so hard and she needs to be there for him.]

I'm an adult, I can handle myself.

[ sascha may be older in age, but he acts like a child and it's always easier for him to push people away than to accept the help even when he pretty desperately needs and craves it. ]

I know. But I need to be here for you. [She knows he can handle himself. It may not be pretty, but he'll come out the other side. He spent his whole life doing that because he was alone.] You're not alone anymore.

[Softer] Please?

[ she knows him too well, knows just which buttons to push. still, he resists because that's what he knows how to do, but the bite is gone. ]

What about Sascha? He's alone now. [ they both know the pain of watching someone they care about sleep, not knowing if they'll ever wake up. if he didn't have kitty and his friends to help him through while jim and hank were out, he doesn't know how he would've handled the constant fear and concern. ]

I'll text Obi-Wan to let him know the situation. They're friends. [She doesn't like that part, but sometimes things are just hard and you do your best.]

[ he doesn't know the guy but he trusts that kitty would think of what's best for him. she's being annoyingly reasonable, and he doesn't really have any excuses left not to take the damn help.

he groans in frustration, but gets up all the same, heading for the door. he'll probably remember that there's something else to say - like, for example, thank you - once he starts calming down a little. possibly after they'll get off the shuttle. ]

[She doesn't need thanks. Supporting each other is just what they do, right? She wants to, but doesn't reach for his hand just yet. She just walks with him quietly to the shuttle and handles the controls.]

Tourist? [They had been on the Windrose before they came here, but she figures he might prefer this.]

Whichever.

[ he shrugs like a sulky teenager. yes, he would prefer the tourist, and he appreciates that she recognizes that and suggests it, he'll be able to recover much faster in the comfort of his own room where he knows he's surrounded by some of his closest friends who would protect him and stand by him. but actually admitting it is too much for him right now. it's asking for more when she's already giving him too much. ]

[See? It's like she doesn't even need kids because she already has one. She sets a course for the Tourist anyway. She decided "whichever" was sulky for yes.

She doesn't say anything else until they're docked. Actually, she doesn't say anything then either, she just reaches out for his hand.]

[ she really doesn't, one of the perks of dating a manchild?

he does take her hand though, and gives it an apologetic squeeze. just landing on the tourist is already alleviating some of that stress. ]

[She leans in and gives him a soft kiss on the cheek after getting that squeeze. Then walks with him to his room where she'll go in for a full hug.] You're not going to believe a word of this, but you did great.

[ he's stiff in her arms, as he snorts humorlessly. ]

You got the first part right.

[ because he feels like a failure as a person right now. ]

[Rubbing his back.] That great feeling of being right. [It's a terrible feeling.]

I'm sorry.

[ so much for his evil plan to cheer her up by going to see sascha. ]

You did something you weren't comfortable with to make people you care about feel better. There's something very messed up with the world if that requires an apology.

[ would you like the list of things wrong with the world alphabetically, thematically, or chronologically? ]

It backfired. [ he's sure neither of them feels better, he just hopes that unlike him - they don't also feel worse. ] How'd he take it?

[She...is worried about Sascha but because of Bigby, not what just happened as much. She's also worried that this will be a set back for Winn instead of a step forward and that's hard, but at least she isn't wrapped up in her own problems? She wouldn't call it worse.]

He's Sascha. He endures. [For over a hundred years.] I told him it wasn't is fault.

[ he winces at that response. he doesn't want to be another thing he has to endure, he's wearing that other shoe right now and it's painful as hell. ]

I dunno why I didn't anticipate the Atroma messing everything up.

[ really, he should've. it's his fault. ]

We didn't know. [Shifting to coax him to the bed.]

I should've.

[ he's been so wrapped up in his own issues, he hasn't been paying attention. he allows her to lead him, and sits stiffly on the edge of the bed. ]

How are you putting that on yourself? [No really, what?]

Deductive reasoning.

[ dryly. why is sascha cooped up in that ship and not reaching out for help? him. he knows what it's like not to have friends, he knows what it's like to be lonely and desperate to keep what he's got. now true he's never tried to eat anyone or hurt anyone, and he's been ostracized mostly for something that he didn't even do, but he still can't help but feel a sense of responsibility not to put someone else through that same pain, a responsibility he's failed at miserably. ]