driftfleet | 'cause it's better than nothing

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'cause it's better than nothing

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

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Otono-Tachibana Makie

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Sandalio "Biffy" de Rabiffano

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(last updated: 1/25/19)

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First one? Turned Merle's cousin or something into a giant flaming flying dwarf guy.

[And made him batshit crazy racist. Or maybe he'd always been batshit crazy racist. Taako hadn't really cared to get to know Gundren all that much.]

Then he blew up and took out an entire town with him. Turned the place into black glass - people, buildings, and all.

[He flicks a finger up to count that one off.]

Second one was a monocle that apparently could make anything illusion real? Dunno. We had to fight some shitty wizard serial killer on a train. He was a real shitty wizard. [Another finger flicks up.] Third one was a sash that could control the weather. We did some rad battle wagon fighting which was awesome until some jackass tried to charm me into jumping under a car. [Another finger.] Fourth? A stone that could transmute anything into anything else, but it got kiiiinda outta hand and almost crystallized the entire world. Then Magnus ate it. [A fourth finger goes up.]

Last one so far? A cup that can control time. Got us caught in a time loop and I died. Like. A lot? It was some reeeeal shit.

[What the heck.]

That's... quite the story. Not that I don't believe you, just... your world's magic is a lot more complicated than I'm used to, even after this long.

[Watching Taako cook in the kitchen for a few months is one thing. But a cup that can turn back turn and revive the dead? That's new.]

And you ended up finding all of them? That's a strange life for a chef.

Oh for sure, my dude, it's a super fucked up sitch to be in, but I get paid for it, so it's fine.

[Money's the most important thing, more than him dying and then un-dying a bunch.]

I'm multi-talented like that - chef and adventurer. Technically "Reclaimer," but uh... people don't or uh, rather they can't hear about that particular job.

"Reclaimer"? Why can't people hear about that?

[It sounds so interesting, though! Everyone should get to hear about a weird job where you collect ancient magical relics! He'd love a job like that.]

Well, if you wanna know about that, there's something in there- [He points to the wagon] -that can explain it, homie. Little vial of fluid - you just gotta give it a go.

[Because he's lazy and talking about the Voidfish is a headache and a half.]

Uh... alright, then.

[It's a little awkward to just go digging around for answers rather than having things explained directly, but he can't call it invasive anymore when Taako's literally just given him permission, so Mikleo steps back inside the wagon and looks around until he spots the vial, lifting it up to examine what's inside.]

Trust me, it's easier this way.

[He waves Mikleo on and waits. When he picks up the vial of rainbow liquid, everything blends into light. It's not a blinding light, more like the light of a million stars in the sky all twinkling and glittering around him. The light and color of galaxies, hundreds of realities, all swirling in an ethereal pattern. It's mesmerizing and the memory fades in from that until the light is contained and then it dims, and then it's gone. In its place is a large tank, like a whale tank, filled with a dark, opaque water that's lit from beneath. There's something inside, but looking at it is like looking at static - disorienting and confusing. The more Mikleo looks at it, the more his eyes just can't seem to focus on what's in front of him. And then there are four men in front of the tank: Taako, a gloomy looking bard in ridiculously colorful bardic clothes, a short dwarf with a long beard threaded with flowers, and a large human man with auburn sideburns and a scar over one eye. Everyone but the bard seem to be lilting slighty to one side, like they can't quite get their footing under them.

The bard sighs and puts a roll of parchment into a sliding panel at the bottom of the tank, then pulls a lever next to it.]

There goes another great composition.

[The parchment floats up into the tank and some sort of tendril rolls out of the inky blackness, curling itself around the paper, and then sucking it up into that confusing mass of static. And there is a tremendous sense of loss, a memory gone, leaving only the traces of what it used to be in its wake. The parchment had some beautiful music on it, composed by the bard, but all attempts to recall it are just...gone.]

Okay, feeding time's over. Uh. You guys ready for stuff to get weird?

[The bard says as he goes over to a spigot on the side of the tank and fills three vials with the viscous inky fluid. He hands one vial to each person and continues.]

Uh, this isn't gonna taste great. It sort of-- sort of has the consistency of Go-Gurt, um, so not a lot of people get down on that. Um. But I'll warn you guys, once you drink that, um, there really isn't any going back.

The tall human asks.]

Going back from what?

[Which is followed by the dwarf asking:]

Going to what?

[The bard replies.]

From not- from not drinking it.

[Which gets a very blase look from the human.]

Okay, so once we drink it, we can't un-drink it, is what you're saying. Johann, very helpful.

[Johann tries to explain, but he's interrupted by the dwarf and as the men hem and haw over whether to drink these nasty looking vials, the human just suddenly and abruptly downs his in one go. He goes stock still, eyes glassy for a moment, while the other two stare at him in horror.

And then he's back, steadier on his feet as he looks at them both.]

Oh my god, you guys. Guys, it's all clear. I remember everything. Here's the thing, you guys. So basically what's going on is-

[And then his words devolve into static. Even though his mouth is moving, focusing on the lips, trying to read what he's saying gives off that same unfocused feeling again, like trying to read while nauseous - nothing gets through that and the loud crackle of static in their ears.]

--and in the cave, when we were looking for the---

[Back to static.

Taako's ears flick back, his eyes narrowing and he gives a loud sigh.]

Well, that's just annoying.

[He stares at the vial in his hand and tips it back while internally screaming YOLO.

If Mikleo looks at the vial in his hand, it's dimmed from the rainbow colors to that same inky black goo that Taako is currently taking like a shot of vodka. Does he drink too?]

[Annoying is right. So that's what he meant by not hearing it? Because that static is incredibly jarring. Trying to explain around that sounds like a nightmare.

The liquid doesn't look... especially appealing, but this is still a dream, so it's probably harmless. Even so, it's with some reluctance that Mikleo tips it back and downs the liquid, trying to avoid letting it linger on his tongue so he won't taste it much.]

[The texture is definitely a bit like a thick drinkable yogurt and the taste? Not spectacular. A little fishy, a little salty, a lot disgusting. But once it's down Mikleo's throat, it's like a veil is suddenly lifted or a door kicked open or a dam has burst. Immediately memories start pouring back through and both Mikleo and Taako can see the creature in the tank in front of them.

All that rainbow light is back now, glowing, swirling, like a million galaxies all contained within this creature which looks like an impossibly huge jellyfish. And then he remembers all the details of a battle he only completed a day ago, all the information he couldn't hear before: Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, the Bureau of Balance, Reclaimers, everything. And beyond that, he remembers a war. A horrific, terrible war that destroyed entire towns - bloodshed and fire and disasters the likes which he shouldn't have been able to forget. The sight of entire towns consumed by fire and turned into a perfect circle of black glass. Floods appearing in the midst of deserts, an entire town and all its people turned to peppermint, undead warriors rising out of nowhere and fighting an endless war. He lost people he knew in that war, people died over and over in the pursuit of an enormous, insane power. It should be horrific, but Taako's reaction to this is merely: "huh."

And then a very different memory breaks through. Taako is young, about 65, and is working on his grandfather's farm. He's distracted, reading something from a scroll, and churning milk into cream. The sun is hot and he takes so long that his grandfather walks out and yells at him in a huff.]

Taako, what're you doing? You've been whipping that cream so long in the hot sun, it done turned sour!

[Taako breaks out of the trance suddenly and yells: Sour cream! Everyone stares at him in an uncomfortable silence as he ignores them all in favor of writing down this recipe in the margins of a book he has on hand. As he writes, Johann keeps explaining about the creature they can now all see floating in its tank, making soft whale-like noises.]

Yeah, we- I mean, it's the only one, like, ever So. Those things typically don't get named, so we just sort of stuck with voidfish. If you like, if you feed it - it feeds on information. Whatever information you give it, it just sort of....removes from well...from existence. It just sort of stops existing unless you've been inoculated and drank 'from the tank' is what we say down here. We keep it fed and happy because if it dies, we're all, uh, we're all fucked.

[Taako blinks and looks up from his book.] What happens? What would happen if it died?

[Johann frowns.] Then everyone would remember. And that would be--

[The human interjects, recalling what they'd all just seen - the wars and death and battles.] Bad. That would be bad.

[The scene fades as the voidfish bellows lightly in the background, sizzling out to static until Mikleo is back in the wagon again. The vial is empty now and it's likely he has a nasty aftertaste in his mouth. Outside, Taako is still sitting, waiting for Mikleo to return.]

[That... was a lot.

That was definitely a lot.

For a moment he's too stunned to do anything, merely leaning back on his heels, setting the glass back down and pressing a hand to his forehead. It does at least clarify the situation, but... talk about your deja vu. It was so much like viewing the world's history through the iris gems- a jarring rush of memories, of lost knowledge, of a war he'd never known existed right on his metaphorical doorstop.

Frowning, he trudges back outside, resting one hand on the wagon's doorframe as he leans out to squint at Taako.]

Amazing and terrible all at once. What you said makes more sense now, but... it must have been an uncomfortable experience at first. I can sympathize with that much.

[Taako shrugs when Mikleo returns, obviously not nearly as put out as Mikleo is. Or how put out he is outside of this dream construct considering how he's still hearing static even now. Forgetting the wars and the rest of it had been weird and annoying, but not anything that really affected Taako up to that point.]

Now you know why I said it'd be easier to show you. No one really gets what it's like to hear static until it happens, you dig?

But that's why I can't put "Reclaimer" on the ol' LinkedIn resume thing. People wouldn't be able to see it.

[wtf is a resume and what is it linked into]

I, um, dig. It's pretty disorienting. And that was a... voidfish? I've never seen a creature like that before.

Not surprised - it's "supposedly" [Taako throws up some air quotes with both hands.] the only one in existence. No one knows where it came from, but the Bureau's got a monopoly on memory eating space tentacles.

I assume it eats with its tentacles. I'm not the one with animal handling though.

So... they just- took it upon themselves to erase the memory of those objects from existence? Relying on this mysterious creature to keep it a secret?

[Because that is at least a little bit reckless. Not that the apparent alternative is great, considering all those wars they evidently caused, just... oof.]

Bingo bango, got it in one.

[Taako shoots a pair of finger guns at Mikleo, winking at him. He's not exactly one hundo percent kosher with the idea anymore, not now that he knows there's a part of himself missing, but overall?]

Best way to stop people from fucking each other up over the Relics was to make 'em forget they even existed in the first place. At least, that's what the Bureau thought. Now we're just going around trying to get 'em all back so we can destroy them.

Huh... you've led an unexpectedly fascinating life, I have to admit. And more dangerous than I initially thought, too.

[He's... kind of impressed? Congrats, Taako. That takes a lot.]

[He takes an exaggerated stage bow, swinging his arm in an arc through the air.]

If only I could capitalize on it by selling the rights to my story! But alas, people will only ever hear static and Taako can't get rich of that. Danger's kinda part and parcel with being an adventurer though. No real way to avoid that.

Maybe you could paraphrase it. You don't have to say "relics" or use their actual names, but rather, "magical artifacts" and call them something else. Void fish becomes aquatic abyssian- that sort of thing.

[When you read a lot of books you kind of end up as a walking thesaurus, and he can't help but work the problem. It's like a puzzle in a ruin- just begging to be solved.]

If it's only specific words that are erased, there's always methods of getting around that. And the story is wild enough that it would be hard to believe even if you tell the truth, so embellishing a little does no harm. Everyone loves a good story.

Nah, it's enough of a headache just trying to tell people enough information so we can get the shit we need outta them. "We work for an organization trying to stop things that can blow up the world. What are they? Uhhhh can't tell you. They're articles of power? Yeah, yeah, I know your ass is bombastic, but not like this."

[Taako mimics a conversation with himself and then shrugs.]

More work than it's worth. [He pauses and grins.] Also?

You're a nerd. Who the hell says "aquatic abyssian" with a straight face?

A nerd? I see nothing wrong with being well-read.

[HUFF. How dare, he's very cool and professional.]

That's the exact definition of a nerd, Mickey.

[He honestly, just proved Taako's point, which earns him a smirk.]

I bet you write "reading books" on your dating profile.

My... what?

[WHY DOES DATING NEED A PROFILE NOW, it's already so much more complicated than he knew!!]

Dating profile.

[...does he honestly have to explain Tinder to someone now.]

Like a hobbies list? For when you're dating?

Oh, um... I've never had to do that, actually. The only person I've ever dated knows all of that about me already.

Count yourself luuuuucky then because the datin' game's one hell of a toss-up. You either get some interesting folks good for a night or two, or absolute nightmares that make you regret ever signing up for an evening.

[And then sometimes you find absolute sweethearts that originally started out trying to kill you. The dating world is wild.]

'cause it's better than nothing

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