When We're Rollin Through the Wild Wild West

[geonomy]

Who: Everyone! EVERYONE!
Broadcast: IF YOU WANNA
Action: Everywhere! EVERYWHERE!
When: Mid-September - Mid-October

[How's your ship doing, pardners? Is it still pretty damaged? Is it glitching out hardcore? Well, there is one place to land to take care of all that, and that's on a dusty old moon in front of a planet that no one wants to go to. On this moon, you'll find a civilization that looks a lot like one's stepped into a wild west movie, hardened cowpolk and mutant horses and all. Will you become a vigilante, hunting bounties and stopping gangs from doing their dirty work? Will you go exploring planetside, with a cowboy hat and a stalk of wheat in your mouth to complete the look? Good luck with that; there is no wheat. This town ain't big enough for all you flooters, but make it so! For the ratings!

In other words, it's a planet mingle! Get 'er done!]

[September Planet info here]

Comments

[goldenglasses]

That's okay! I'm always happy to help a lady in need! [Vash winks with a sly grin on his face.] Besides, if you think I do a good job I'm sure we can work out some sort of payment later on.

[huaaaaagh]

[Vash, you are not making it easy to dodge your weird offer.]

...You better not be implying what I think you're implying.

[Propositioning a young lady - or anyone - for sexual favours just for protecting them? So sketchy. And he's definitely assuming the worst.]

[goldenglasses]

[Vash expects everyone to expect the worse. Even if he would never accept the kind of offer he's implying at the moment.] I can only imply what you'd be offering. All I'm saying is you may want to keep an open mind.

Just, picture this! All alone in an unknown town! [She could live here and Vash would say the same thing.] When suddenly your heart is swept away by a stoic, peace loving gunman who can keep all the baddy-laddies away. Or well... something like that. You just never know what one's heart will do!

[huaaaaagh]

[Well.

That's not as bad as what he'd expected - it didn't involve sexual favours explicitly - but it's still not ideal. Just what kind of weird romantic books has this guy been reading?

He reminds me of Klein. His standard method of dealing with Klein is a good hard punch, but Klein's never been flirting with him.]

I see... but unfortunately, my heart already belongs to another.

[Sorry, Vash, but you really can't compete with his hot badass girlfriend.]

[goldenglasses]

[The terrible kind with shitless Fabio on the cover. Which he's read several times now. Don't judge. He was bored and books are very rare on his world.

His face plummets at the mention of a 'boyfriend'.]

Aw, really? Well, that's no fair!

[Although he recovers quickly enough with a smile.] Ah, well, can't take back the offer of services once they're made! So if you do need a body guard all you need to do is ask.

[huaaaaagh]

[Vash he didn't say boyfriend at all.

He's slightly dubious about this weird guy accompanying him, but maybe he'll be less annoying about it now that he has no chance.]

I guess you can follow me, if you feel really strongly about it.

[goldenglasses]

[Boyfriend. Yup. He said boyfriend. Totally.]

What can I say, I'm a man of my word. So! What are we up to today, my Queen?

[huaaaaagh]

[For once it's going to be really satisfying when his actual gender comes to light. This guy is ridiculous.]

Are you any good at gambling?

[goldenglasses]

I'm good at losing my money. Does that count?

[And also a card counter. So, yes, he actually is when he wants to.]

[huaaaaagh]

[Yeah, no.]

...Can you at least watch a crowd and know when it's time to bail?

[goldenglasses]

[Run away instead of fighting? He sure can!] Sure, I think I could do that. But, what are you planning on doing?

[huaaaaagh]

Swindle some idiots out of money, obviously.

[Try to keep up, broomhead.]

[goldenglasses]

Ah. Are you really sure an idea like that is a good idea on a planet like this?

[huaaaaagh]

Oh, who knows? We'll find out, I guess. But it's a good thing I have a peace-loving gunman bodyguard now, right?

[Feel free to regret this terrible decision you have made.]

[goldenglasses]

[He's regretting as he didn't really need to get his bounty any bigger.] Hahaha, y-yeah, good thing. Hahaha.







...wouldn't being a waitress be easier?

[huaaaaagh]

[Wow, some bodyguard. He's kind of a coward, isn't he?]

I'm not interested in easy jobs unless they pay well, and waiting on tables never does.

[Plus, knowing his current luck, someone would try to get him to wear a ridiculous maid outfit, and some misogynistic ass would slap his butt or something, and then he'd get fired for breaking a chair over their head.]

[goldenglasses]

It can if you wear a cute maid outfit! I think you should give that a try instead!

[Partly because he doesn't want the bounty he's already manged to get on his head to get any bigger.]

1/2

[huaaaaagh]

[....]

[huaaaaagh]

Ah, if I were a server, would you become my customer instead of my bodyguard?

[goldenglasses]

If that's what you'd like! But I could work a double shift too!

[Yay! Not causing trouble now! Because she's SERIOUSLY considering this. Obviously.]

[huaaaaagh]

So you'd wear a cute maid outfit, then?

[Thanks for volunteering.]

[goldenglasses]

W-what?! No! I meant bodyguard! Not a waiter!

[huaaaaagh]

[Yeah, that's what he thought.]

Eh? But why would I need a bodyguard for a safer job like waiting tables?

[goldenglasses]

For walking home late at night after a shift?

[huaaaaagh]

So you think I should work all day serving tables in a cute maid outfit, and you'll stand around watching and then take me home.

[j u d g i n g]