Voices from Heaven (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thespaceopera) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2015-10-20 10:06 am
thespaceopera) wrote in driftfleet2015-10-20 10:06 am
Entry tags:
Sweet dreams are made of these...
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You don't know me that well. How do you know he did anything?
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[Or go back on said attempt to kill. The idea's the same to him, in this case.]
cw for sexual assault mention
[The smile fades, and he glances away, staring back at Sugou.]
He captured and tortured three hundred people. He was going to do the same to me. Worst of all... he was going to rape someone I promised to always protect, right in front of me. Just because it was in his power to hurt her.
[He looks back to Stefan, and the anger is back in his eyes.]
Good enough reason?
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[Stefan takes a deep breath, involuntarily staring down at his hand as he curls it into a fist.]
See, when you kill someone - even if he'll hurt the ones you care about - that blood stays with you forever. You have to look at yourself in a mirror every morning and wonder if it's worth it, because you decided to end that life for yourself, and if you can try to live for all the ones you've killed.
Because once you start, Kir... it becomes a little hard to stop.
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Sorry... it's too late to prevent all of that. Maybe if I'd heard those words a year ago...
[He shakes his head. No, he can't bring himself to fully regret it. Not when the trade-off had been worth every bit of pain it caused him, every nightmare. He'd already done his best to deal with that guilt- now it's just a matter of time.]
In the past, I... already took the lives of three people. I already know.
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I'm not the one you should be apologizing to.
[Stefan's gaze falls towards Sugou, then onto the blood on Kirito's hands, before he turns his back on his crewmate.] Their families, their loved ones... those are the ones you should've talked to.
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[He shrugs his shoulders. It seems pointless to justify himself, though he feels that he'd had good reason to make the choices he made back then. Stefan has already already made a decision about him.]
What do you think is better- that the families know the face of the killer, or that they don't have to know that their loved one was a murderer, too? I've... never been able to figure that out.
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[Now that doesn't sound right. As clueless as Stefan is about video games, even he knows that when you kill someone in one of those MMORPGs, the person doesn't actually stay dead. (Right?)
At Kirito's question, he shrugs, still keeping his back turned.] Depends on the family. Some'd want revenge the second they found out, while others... well, others might've known all along. [He's never really had to deal with that, considering his frenzies end with whole slaughtered families...]
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It's true, then- it's just something he'll have to live with.
He considers Stefan's first question, but he's not sure how to explain. He's not even sure he wants to. Just how much does he care to be judged right now?
It's not like I chose it, I... we were all just trying to survive...]
...I can show you, if you really want to know.
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But do you want to show me?
[It's true that Stefan's disappointed, and that he's already made a judgment that he won't change his mind on. Once his mind's made up, it's difficult to get him to back down or even consider alternative possibilities- and honestly? This isn't his place to ask.]
I'm not trying to call the shots here.
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I do, and I don't. But... I figure, if you're going to judge me for this, you should at least know the whole story. If you decide to hate me after that, then it's fine.
[I already do, anyway.]
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Fair enough... but I don't hate you. I'm disappointed, but I don't hate you.
[Man, if Caroline - his actual mom friend - were here, she'd probably screech at how these tables were turned, but right now, Stefan's just telling the truth. He can't bring himself to hate Kirito, considering he's guilty of the exact same thing.]
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[He honestly can't say for sure. This isn't like his mother being disappointed in a report card. It's not like Suguha being disappointed when he refuses to share a piece of cake. This is someone - a crewmate, a friend, even - being disappointed in the fact that he's not a good person, that he's not innocent, that he's committed a crime he can't undo. Someone who now sees him in a different light.
Given the choice, there are certain people in his life that he'd rather just hate him for this. It's harder when people still care.
In the end he shakes off his thoughts and reaches into his shirt neckline and pulls a small, flat card from around his neck, offering it and the lanyard towards Stefan. He doesn't move to approach, simply watching, waiting.]
If you'd rather not, just walk out the gate. It isn't locked.
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[Stefan swallows his breath, holding out his hand to accept the card. It's more than a little clear that he doesn't want to, because this isn't his dream, nor is it his place to accept---]
I might as well see what drove you to it in the first place.
im gonna split this a bit because i might go on forever otherwise...
[He offers no further clarification. As soon as Stefan's hand touches the card, the parking lot vanishes, transforming into a simple, chilly hospital room, rather than the exterior of one. Sitting up in the bed is Kirito, though at first glance it's hard to tell that it's him; his hair is longer, his eyes are sunken, and his whole body is unhealthy, emaciated, even. He's more or less just skin and bones, one arm hooked up to an IV drip, the other resting on a scuffed-up black helmet with the words "NERVE GEAR" scrawled across the top. He looks tired, like it takes every ounce of strength to keep upright.
The door knocks, catching his attention, and when it opens, a tall, dark-haired man wearing glasses steps in, followed by a nurse. "Excuse the intrusion... this man has come to see you. He's from the government."
The man bows his head very slightly, smiling as he speaks. "Good morning, Kirigaya-kun. My name is Kikuoka Seijirou; I'm with the Ministry of Internal Affairs Telecommunications Bureau, Advanced Communications... ah, the short version would be, I lead the SAO Response Team."
Kirito's eyes widen slightly at that, and the nurse bows and excuses herself. The man steps over, sitting in the chair beside Kirito's hospital bed.
"I've been told that your mother and sister are on their way, so I'll try not to take too much of your time." Kikuoka pulls out a tablet, tapping through a number of options that Kirito can't see. "Since the SAO Incident first began two years ago, and ten thousand players were trapped in the death game known as Sword Art Online, we've had no intel from within the virtual world. Communication was cut between not only the real world and the players, but between its developer, Kayaba Akihiko, and the parent company, Argus. Since the six thousand players still alive have all awoken, we could only assume that all floors have been cleared, as outlined in the game's requirements, but no one we've spoken with as of yet can confirm. Supposedly, the highest floor reached until the game cleared was 74." He looks up from the tablet, brows furrowing. "Can you shed any light on the discrepancy?"
For a long moment, Kirito doesn't answer. His hands clench into weak fists, then unclench again, staring down at his lap. When he finally speaks, his voice is as weak as the rest of his body looks- like he hasn't used it in ages. "...I'll tell you whatever you want to know... if you do me one favour."
Kikuoka tilts his head curiously. "Mm? What is it?"
"I need you to find a player for me. I need you to tell me... if she's still alive."
"...Ah... well, once we've catalogued all the players, living or dead, I will have access to that information." The man smiles again, the sort of kindness that reaches everything but his eyes. "But first, I need to hear what you have to say."
It feels a bit like a deal one ought to regret, but all Kirito does is nod. He doesn't seem to care what he has to surrender, as long as he gets the information he needs.]
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The Moral GuardiansTM would have so much ground to stand on right now, Stefan thinks as the information starts to sink in. It's clear the guy hasn't seen the real world in---wait, two years?
He's starting to feel a little old fashioned for his disregard of video games altogether, but it sure doesn't seem like a bad life strategy now. Still, he stares down at the car, then at the sick Kirito. It's a memory; he can't give this guy a blood transfusion to make it go away. Doesn't make the desire to heal him disappear, though.]
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"Going by the time of the reported awakenings, everyone seems to have been freed from the game at precisely the same time aside from you. Exactly what went on before you logged out?"
"...I don't know. I watched Aincrad fall apart, and... that was it. I thought I was going to die. I don't know why I woke up at all..."
-And sometimes it becomes dim, muted, as if from down the hall in a closed room. It feels a little like Kirito's memory of this conversation is not very good. Still, it seems like there's something important that needs to be shared, here.
Before too much time passes, clarity returns, and the government official flips something on his tablet, scrolling through a series of illegible texts.
"Another question. What can you tell me about the incident involving 'Laughing Coffin'?"
Kirito is quiet for a long moment, suddenly tense, his head bowed. "How... did you know about that...?"
"It isn't as if you are the only one we're talking to, Kirigaya-kun. Multiple players who were a part of the so-called 'Front Lines' attested to the difficulties faced with the LC guild. Now please, tell me all that you know."
Swallowing hard, Kirito closes his eyes. The room goes dim, all movement halted. "..Laughing Coffin... the murder guild. A group of players decided that rather than working together to clear the game and free ourselves, they just... wanted to kill people. Either they didn't believe that losing your HP in-game would kill someone, or they didn't care. They must have murdered hundreds, maybe even a thousand people. Finally, we couldn't just leave them alone anymore. A group of front-liners banded together to put an end to them." His hands clench in the blanket covering his legs, though after a moment he lets go and stares at his hands as if expecting to find something there. "They ambushed us. That fight... it was chaos. No one got out unscathed... and thirty people died that day. Two of them were..."
He trails off there, unable to continue. After a lengthy pause, Kikuoka pushes up his glasses and smiles faintly. "I understand, there's no need to continue explaining. We've already decided that it would be unreasonable to pursue criminal charges against actions taken within a video game... the true cause of death was the microwaves emitted by the Nerve Gear equipment, after all."
Kirito does not look comforted by those words.]
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This isn't helping that opinion. If the government thinks that's the solution - blaming the microwaves, rather than the people's actions - then they're more clueless than when Stef last butted heads with them.
Still... Kirito's actions make more sense now. He can't say he approves of them, because a life lost is always going to be a life lost, but he can finally understand where the guy was coming from.
He figures his shipmate can't hear him, but he says almost inaudibly,] So that's how he has blood on his hands.
Can't say I expected it happening in a death video game.
[Yeah, guess who's never touching a console again.]
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"Kazuto!!"
He's cut off abruptly as the door slides open and a young girl, maybe fourteen or fifteen years old, bursts into the room, rushing to the bed and flinging herself at Kirito. She's so desperate to hug him that she doesn't even notice or care about the state he's in- first she needs to confirm that he's really alive, really there. Kirito, for his part, is stunned for a long moment, then smiles wearily and reaches out a shaky hand to brush her hair. "Sugu..."
A woman steps into the room, more reserved than the girl, but when she looks at Kirito, her expression carries the fondness and relief of a parent glad to find their child is safe.
Kikuoka has the decency to recognize that his time is up, and he stands, nodding to Kirito. "I'll be taking my leave, then. Kirigaya-kun, I hope you don't mind if I come back another time. There's a great deal left to discuss."
He turns to leave, offering a polite bow to the woman, and she returns it hastily and hurries over to join Sugu in hugging Kirito.
----
The hospital fades away after that, and instead of returning to the parking lot, they're back in the first room. Kirito is in his fairy form again, but rather than fighting the angelic knights, he's just standing in the center of the room as they hover placidly overhead, as if the ferocious battle hadn't happened at all.
Kirito's back is to Stefan, his wings out, but he makes no move to fly yet. He's waiting to see what Stefan chooses to do.]
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Stefan can't bring himself to accept those circumstances, even if it had been out of Kirito's control. A life's still a life. Stefan's watched too many people try for revenge, or even try to kill him in return for all the lives he'd taken. Does Kirito really know what it's like, to live with that weight and to live for those people?]
You're just gonna stand there?
[His voice's a little incredulous, especially as he moves closer to Kirito.] I thought we had a fight to finish.
["We," because even if he can't accept those deaths, or the blood on Kirito's hands, Kirito's still his shipmate - and if anyone can rein his little berserker in, well. Stef wants to try.]
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"We"? But...
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But... you're also part of my crew, and we stick together. Even if I don't always approve of what you've done.
[He holds the sword a little too naturally for someone who claims he has no experience in sword-fighting (thanks, past life), but he'll deal with that bridge later when he gets to it.]
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[He smiles, though, calm and grateful.]
Thank you.
[He turns back, wings spreading out, and takes off into the air, unsheathing his sword wildly and tearing through several of the angel warriors in the first swing. The rest jump into action, more and more appearing in the arena, and it looks just as hopeless as ever, but Kirito's fully energized again.]
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[He returns that smile as he charges forward. It takes him a few seconds, as he also hacks his way through those angels, before he realizes that he should probably look at the menu again.
So, he jumps back, not even trying to assume a defensive stance as he pulls the menu up. Stefan figures (maybe wrongly so) that even if it is a death video game, he's sorta-kinda cheated the grim reaper too many times to count.]
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Just before he gets about 3/4, multiple angels charge him at once, surrounding him and impaling him with their blades. His health bar is draining fast, and he could definitely use more back-up.]
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