driftfleet | (no subject)

[Oh, why do you keep asking things that make her want to tell you that everything is going to be great and there will be rainbows and kittens and fluffy something or other.]

It varies. [It lasts longer than the glitches or it can.] But we're still here for you no matter how long it is like Winn said.

[ please don't kiss him, sascha, it would make it entirely impossible for him to be there for you like he's trying to. he gives his hand a little squeeze in return. he knows this pain all too well, knows that nothing they say is really going to help, nothing but seeing the person you care about so deeply awake and safe again would. ]

[ He'll have to settle for those hand-squeezes, alas. Winn's perfect lips will have to wait for another day.

Preferably a happier one. ]

And...I can really call anytime? Even if it's late?

Yes. [She gives Winn an apologetic look, but see how sad Sascha is? And when do they ever sleep anyway?] Whenever you need.

[ with his luck, he'll be asleep exactly when he calls, but he nods all the same. does he really have a choice here? he thought not. and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt of saying something different. taking care of yourself is for losers. ]

[ High-five to that Winn, only not because, you know, he's holding your hand. Which incidentally? Gets another small squeeze as he unconscious rubs his thumb over the back of it. ]

But not...visiting. Yeah?

I'll visit you, Sascha. [She knows that's not what he means and it makes her heart hurt.]

[ well, they're in the kitchen, he's sure they can find a literal knife to run through his heart to go along with this feeling. ]

Just...call first. [ said through gritted teeth. he can go somewhere else, if need be. hank never sleeps either and he's worried about him anyway, he can just show up at his lab. ]

--Winn? [ Wait, is he saying what Sascha thinks he is saying... is he going to be allowed back onto the Windrose or Tourist again? ]

[She looks curiously at Winn too.] You heard him. Just call first.

[ he doesn't really have much of a choice here, is what it feels like to him. he never really felt like he had the right to ban him from any ship, especially the windrose since he's not even a proper member of it - but he's still not going to take security off the tourist so he better remember to call so he can be let in.

avoiding their eyes, he just clears his throat and nods. the urge to flee this scene is growing but he forces himself to stay put and keep holding onto the sascha's hand, despite that rubbing making him increasingly more and more uncomfortable. he takes a peek at his watch, how far into their 20 minutes are they? he expects kitty is going to want to stay longer now, but surely he's done enough here for one day that she'll understand him taking off as planned, right? ]

I...u-um. Okay. I will... [ He still looks stunned by this news, and it's enough that he finally lets go of Kitty and stands up proper, although his hold on Winn;s hand doesn't move for the moment. It's still surreal to be able to do this much after what happened between them. ]

[She tenses, realizing Winn isn't in a great place if he's checking his watch. She doesn't do anything yet, but she is watching closely in case she needs to lead Sascha away.]

[ now what. he's been awkward his entire life, how has that not prepared him to deal with this? as the seconds tick by in silence, he feels his chest tightening more and more.

finally, he clears his throat again and retreats his hand. ]

I'm just - bathroom - [ he makes it to the door like a normal person. the rest of the way he makes at a run. he's not scared, he doesn't think, it doesn't feel like fear, anyway. it feels like stress, overwhelming amounts of it and he just needs to not be there, not be in that room where he has to be in control of himself and his reactions and suggest and agree to things he isn't sure he's ready for. ]

....

Did I make him want to go? [ That's the first thing Sascha asks as soon as Winn is gone, because how can he not? He can smell Winn, albeit not with the precision and skill Bigby has. He knows he isn't in a good mood, and he worries it's because of him. ]

It's not your fault. [She pulls Sascha into another hug even as she watches the door where Winn just went. She wants to follow and she will, but she doesn't want to abandon Sascha so quickly and she doesn't think Winn would want her too either.] It's just going to take time, okay? [And maybe it'll never be like it was.]

Okay... [ He doesn't exactly sound sold on this, but he isn't going to push it or refuse the hug. He leans back into it and holds more loosely than before. ]

Can you tell him I'm really sorry?

I'll tell him. [She gives Sascha a squeeze.] I need to check on him.

Mmkay. [ And just in case this is the end of their meeting: ]

Thanks for coming to see me.

Edited 2016-09-22 15:31 (UTC)

[She kisses his temple gently. She thinks it might be too.] Thanks for letting us.

[She lets go of him and heads for the door. She goes to the bathroom, not sure if that's where he really ended up or if he's already on the shuttle. Maybe already on the Tourist. She opens the door. Strange, yes, but she doesn't want to scare him by phasing in suddenly.] Winn?

[ sitting on the toilet with his head between his knees, he contemplates the merits of just sitting there for the rest of his life. ok, there aren't that many, but going out and facing kitty right now is a humiliating prospect.

he wanted so badly to be strong for her, to make her happy, to get through this visit and go home in 20 minutes, triumphant. he didn't expect things to get this intense, he didn't expect to feel this pressured. and yeah, he's glad they found out sascha needs their help, he's glad he's going to get what he needs now, at least from kitty, but this has not been a good first encounter for him and he feels like a selfish asshole thinking like that when sascha's worried the person who means most to him won't ever wake up - but he can't help it. forget put himself first, doesn't he get to rank somewhere?

it's quiet for a long moment before he replies quietly, sadly, bitterly. he's not particularly fond of himself right now and he can feel himself about to lash out. ]

I'm fine.

[Her heart is definitely hurting for both of them. It doesn't feel like she can do enough for Sascha or Winn. It's a very helpless feeling. Can't they just need her to beat something up? Push something out into the cold embrace of space?]

Let's go home.

It's okay. [ his throat feels tight, he hates every word out of his mouth, and hates that he hates it. there's a lot of hate going on. ]

I know you wanna stay, he needs you. I can take myself and come back to get you when you're ready.

I want to be with you, Winn.

[Yes, a part of her wants to stay, but it's not bigger than the part of her that needs to support Winn right now. He did a big thing and it hasn't gone great but he's trying so hard and she needs to be there for him.]

I'm an adult, I can handle myself.

[ sascha may be older in age, but he acts like a child and it's always easier for him to push people away than to accept the help even when he pretty desperately needs and craves it. ]