Your regularly scheduled creepy visitor

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone who needs him... or wants to chat to him
Broadcast: No
Action: On any ship except Marsiva, Tourist or Red Fish because he avoids visiting two and can't visit the third.
When: While the fleet is moving and probably a bit after

[There is this thing Cole does.

He visits other ships. Sometimes he put the Pathstone alongside to visit and sometimes he takes a shuttle, but he's constantly wandering all over the fleet, being with people, circulating.

He hasn't done it in a while. He got a nasty fright and went into hiding for a while.

But the creepy psychic being is back! Sticking his large nose into all the business.]

Comments

[beardstrokes]

[ Firmly. ]

What I want doesn't factor in. I serve the Republic and we're fighting a war against the Dark.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole watches for a long moment, gaze heavy and ancient, maybe not that dissimilar from a certain Jedi Master.]

I think I'm beginning to understand.

[beardstrokes]

[ Obi-Wan flinches, despite himself. Seeing Qui-Gon in someone else's eyes was always unsettling and he had no defense against that.

Of course, if Qui-Gon was here, he would judge Obi-Wan for it, he thought bitterly. ]

Understanding has very little to do with it.

[killedwithlove]

Understanding is everything to do with it. Understanding brings compassion and the ability to love despite the horror, despite the appalling actions. To forgive the unforgivable.

To look the maul straight on and understand how it came to kill. Not forget. Just forgive. If you could do that, maybe you could even forgive yourself.

[beardstrokes]

[ That was a low blow, one that Obi-Wan has only spoken to with Sasuke. That he had forgiven Maul, that he had extended compassion to the man . . .

And Satine died. Died loving him while he remained choked in grief. That she had died for the cardinal sin of loving Obi-Wan.

A common sin, in fact. ]

I did.

[killedwithlove]

You forgave him your Master.

Did you forgive yourself, though?

[beardstrokes]

[ No. Obi-Wan was always hardest on himself. ]

I'm not interested in earning my own forgiveness.

[killedwithlove]

[Obi-Wan doesn't hurt like Coil, but there's that same very deep hurt looped around their souls. Obi-Wan has grown up, grown beyond the mindless lashing out and overreaction, but it doesn't mean his pain is any less.]

You should be. It's the only way you can stop hurting. And letting yourself hurt isn't your punishment for those deaths. You know punishment is only as good as the correction it teaches. This isn't correction, just pain.

[beardstrokes]

My pain has gone into the Force.

[ For the most part. Obi-Wan can focus, can ignore the pain. He has the skills and teachings to help him deal with it.

But it never has a proper resolution, not really. And certainly not Satine. ]

[killedwithlove]

What does that mean?

[The wisdom and eternity drop off him in the blink of an eye.]

[beardstrokes]

[ He relaxes a little at that. ]

It means I try not to hold onto grief and pain. I release it into the Force, the living energy that surrounds the world.

[killedwithlove]

Oh.

[He can feel the tangles of Satine on Obi-Wan, wrapped over his back, slender arms around his waist, a chin on his shoulder. Her love still lingers. His love keeps her there.

He refocuses on Obi-Wan.]

Am I part of the Force?

[beardstrokes]

[ That question still surprises him, no matter how many times he hears it. ]

Of course. We all are.

[killedwithlove]

But I'm not mortal. I'm a spirit.

[beardstrokes]

Even spirits are connected to the Force.

[ Certainly the Force Users Obi-Wan has met were in no way, mortal. But mortality has little to do with it. ]

It's connected to everything.

[killedwithlove]

Is the Force like the Fade? That's where magic and dreams are. And spirits.

[beardstrokes]

I wouldn't know. I've never heard of the Fade. But the Force is more than . . . magic and dreams. It's motion. Motion in events, motion in life, motion in our actions and decisions.

[killedwithlove]

The Fade is emotion, memory, collective thought... virtues. Vice.

Maybe they're the same.

[beardstrokes]

Perhaps. I can't confirm it without ever feeling the Fade. The Force is everywhere, though. Even here. Does the Fade exist in this place?

[killedwithlove]

I don't know. Solas said it didn't, but it must, because I can still move with it. I can't go back there. I'm too real now to go back. I don't belong.

If I slept, maybe I would visit like mages do. Maybe not. I'm not a mage.

[beardstrokes]

That . . . does not sound like the Force, but it does seem similar.

[ Though the Force did work with visions during slumber. Perhaps that is what Cole meant? ]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole doesn't know what Cole means some of the time.][]

I can't make things move with my mind, or throw lightning bolts, or heal people.

I can sort of heal people. Not very well. I can take their pain away though. I can help other people heal people.

[beardstrokes]

And your pain? What happens with that?

[killedwithlove]

... I don't understand.

People keep asking me that, but no one explains.

[beardstrokes]

Ah. Well, it is difficult to explain from an outside point of view. What I mean is are there any experiences where it pains you personally?