driftfleet | (no subject)

[ he has no idea. he feels helpless himself - torn between wanting to comfort sascha, to wanting to leave and let kitty handle it, to wanting to keep an eye on him, to feeling guilty that it's gone on this long to begin with, to...just too many things, he's torn apart. ]

You don't have to be happy around us, that's the beauty of friends.

[ hello pot, have you met kettle? I think you two will find you have much in common! ]

But I want to be happy... I wanna talk about good stuff with you and Winn and I don't wanna be sad that he won't wake up anymore. [ He wants to be able to hug Winn like he's hugging Kitty, or at the very least hold his hand or something. Anything like what the normal used to be between them. ]

It's just really hard when someone is in one of these comas and you want them to wake up more than anything. [She doesn't even like thinking about when Winn was out. It feels like those days didn't even pass for her and yet they felt so indescribably long too.]

We all wanna be happy.

[ what he wouldn't give for some simple uncomplicated happy, for even just a day. ]

But it's okay not to be, talking to your friends is how you get there.

[ he would let him hold his hand, if he tried. ]

[ Well in that case, Sascha might just let one hand leave Kitty's back to sort of hesitate in the air halfway towards Winn before he catches himself. ]

...He'll wake up right? 'Cause Winn woke up, and so did everyone else who went to sleep.

...I hope so. [She wants to just say yes, but Logan didn't. He just disappeared. She never saw him again.] Most people do. [She watches Sascha's hand and then looks to Winn, nervous about how he might feel.]

[ he's not sure how he feels, but it doesn't matter right now, does it? so he takes that hand because that's what he should do. ]

Whatever happens, you've got us.

[ Winn, Sascha could kiss you. If that wouldn't make things unbearable awkward and all, I mean. For now? He'll restrain himself to holding Winn's firmly and offering him the most surprise, but grateful of expressions. He'll give it a small squeeze and bury his face again. ]

Do you think he'll wake up soon?

[Oh, why do you keep asking things that make her want to tell you that everything is going to be great and there will be rainbows and kittens and fluffy something or other.]

It varies. [It lasts longer than the glitches or it can.] But we're still here for you no matter how long it is like Winn said.

[ please don't kiss him, sascha, it would make it entirely impossible for him to be there for you like he's trying to. he gives his hand a little squeeze in return. he knows this pain all too well, knows that nothing they say is really going to help, nothing but seeing the person you care about so deeply awake and safe again would. ]

[ He'll have to settle for those hand-squeezes, alas. Winn's perfect lips will have to wait for another day.

Preferably a happier one. ]

And...I can really call anytime? Even if it's late?

Yes. [She gives Winn an apologetic look, but see how sad Sascha is? And when do they ever sleep anyway?] Whenever you need.

[ with his luck, he'll be asleep exactly when he calls, but he nods all the same. does he really have a choice here? he thought not. and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt of saying something different. taking care of yourself is for losers. ]

[ High-five to that Winn, only not because, you know, he's holding your hand. Which incidentally? Gets another small squeeze as he unconscious rubs his thumb over the back of it. ]

But not...visiting. Yeah?

I'll visit you, Sascha. [She knows that's not what he means and it makes her heart hurt.]

[ well, they're in the kitchen, he's sure they can find a literal knife to run through his heart to go along with this feeling. ]

Just...call first. [ said through gritted teeth. he can go somewhere else, if need be. hank never sleeps either and he's worried about him anyway, he can just show up at his lab. ]

--Winn? [ Wait, is he saying what Sascha thinks he is saying... is he going to be allowed back onto the Windrose or Tourist again? ]

[She looks curiously at Winn too.] You heard him. Just call first.

[ he doesn't really have much of a choice here, is what it feels like to him. he never really felt like he had the right to ban him from any ship, especially the windrose since he's not even a proper member of it - but he's still not going to take security off the tourist so he better remember to call so he can be let in.

avoiding their eyes, he just clears his throat and nods. the urge to flee this scene is growing but he forces himself to stay put and keep holding onto the sascha's hand, despite that rubbing making him increasingly more and more uncomfortable. he takes a peek at his watch, how far into their 20 minutes are they? he expects kitty is going to want to stay longer now, but surely he's done enough here for one day that she'll understand him taking off as planned, right? ]

I...u-um. Okay. I will... [ He still looks stunned by this news, and it's enough that he finally lets go of Kitty and stands up proper, although his hold on Winn;s hand doesn't move for the moment. It's still surreal to be able to do this much after what happened between them. ]

[She tenses, realizing Winn isn't in a great place if he's checking his watch. She doesn't do anything yet, but she is watching closely in case she needs to lead Sascha away.]

[ now what. he's been awkward his entire life, how has that not prepared him to deal with this? as the seconds tick by in silence, he feels his chest tightening more and more.

finally, he clears his throat again and retreats his hand. ]

I'm just - bathroom - [ he makes it to the door like a normal person. the rest of the way he makes at a run. he's not scared, he doesn't think, it doesn't feel like fear, anyway. it feels like stress, overwhelming amounts of it and he just needs to not be there, not be in that room where he has to be in control of himself and his reactions and suggest and agree to things he isn't sure he's ready for. ]

....

Did I make him want to go? [ That's the first thing Sascha asks as soon as Winn is gone, because how can he not? He can smell Winn, albeit not with the precision and skill Bigby has. He knows he isn't in a good mood, and he worries it's because of him. ]

It's not your fault. [She pulls Sascha into another hug even as she watches the door where Winn just went. She wants to follow and she will, but she doesn't want to abandon Sascha so quickly and she doesn't think Winn would want her too either.] It's just going to take time, okay? [And maybe it'll never be like it was.]

Okay... [ He doesn't exactly sound sold on this, but he isn't going to push it or refuse the hug. He leans back into it and holds more loosely than before. ]

Can you tell him I'm really sorry?