[ video ]

[ananym]

[ there's a pretty vampire, looking into the camera curiously before speaking. ]

I have been meaning to ask. Is there anything that you have learned here that has changed your lives?

Comments

[abracafcku]

Nah, I know I'm fucking gorgeous, obvs. There's just no accounting for taste from a guy who doesn't know what pancakes are.

[ananym]

I think the same applies when it's solely your opinion.

[abracafcku]

Not just my opinion, my dude. It's a fact. Listed right on my character sheet: ethereal beauty.

[ananym]

[ uh. ]

Your sheet? A piece of paper?

[abracafcku]

[Welcome to Taako's meta af world of messing with everyone.]

Certified beautiful, my dude. Taako on a bad day is still heads and shoulders above like.... 99% of people.

[ananym]

On a sheet of paper. Very convincing.

[abracafcku]

How else do you certify shit? I'm not getting a tramp stamp that says "Beautiful" on it. Even I'm not that trashy.

[ananym]

I'm quite sure characteristics being certified already implies that.

[abracafcku]

And I'm pretty sure not knowing what a real breakfast is disqualifies your opinion on a lot of shit.

[ananym]

I don't think breakfast has a lot of correlation there though.

[abracafcku]

How can you appreciate how goddamn delicious I am if you don't even have a proper compass? It'd be like asking a man who had never had fruit to rank them.

[ananym]

Mostly because I'm wary of comparing you to a pancake, which is a flat piece of batter. But that is your choice.

[abracafcku]

A delicious and wholesome flat piece of batter.

[Taako laughs and then immediately winces. Fucking stitches.]

Okay, I admit, that metaphor got away from me.

[ananym]

I feel like food isn't the best descriptor for a person.

[ also alucard is a vampire and generally doesn't need to eat that much .... but details ....... ]

[abracafcku]

Oh but there are so many? Tall drink of water, juicy peach of an ass - fucking... [He snorts inelegantly as he thinks of another.] Grade A beefcake. Buns to make a hamburger jealous.

[ananym]

Water?

[ really? ]

[abracafcku]

People of your time must be damn starved for poetic language.

Yes, water. Quenches your thirst for a hottie, yanno?

[ananym]

They usually have other things on their mind.

[ alucard never really bothered with this kind of literature. he's not a romantic for obvious reasons. That and — ]

And I never knew enough people to be acquainted.

[abracafcku]

Okay, see? Yet another reason why I think your opinion needs to be tempered here, my fella. You can't fully understand how great Taako is if you haven't seen how many plebs there are in the world.

[ananym]

Our current surroundings does not seem to suggest there are a lot of those.

[ after all, alucard just met his first robot. ]

[abracafcku]

Well yeah - it's a reality TV show. They're not gonna bring boring ass people to a TV show. We're all the cream of the crop here, bud.

[Taako pauses.]

The really fucking weird as shit crop.

[ananym]

[ alucard's expression does not falter. ]

Even so. I doubt anyone here are plebeians.

[abracafcku]

Well, not on the Fleet, sure. But the places we visit?

[He wobbles his hands a little back and forth.

Ehhhh? Your usual grab bag of people - no one all that spectacular.

[ananym]

But what are the standards for such things? It's not as though we're in those worlds long enough to know.

[abracafcku]

Standards don't change just 'cause the scenery does, bubelah. If none of 'em caught your eye, then they weren't up to them.