driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C

Connor

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Haggar

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Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

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Whatever level it may be, it never matters until you are seen.

[ whether loki wanted it, big or small, he knew precisely how it should look. because he knows what other people have. and he knows what he is missing. ]

[Keith considered that, looking to one side for a moment.]

I guess. Maybe, just... we want different versions. That's probably why I understand it, even if it's not exactly what I was hoping for. Having that acceptance, people who care and respect you, being part of something and belonging... it's the same no matter what version of it we want, right?

[ loki cocks his head. ]

That may be so. I would not know much of it. I've never held much of acceptance or respect.

Mm.

[Keith didn't know what to say to that, so he looked around again for a moment before spotting the glowing blue cube. It looked a lot like something infused with Altean quintessence, but he knew it wasn't from his own world. That meant it likely could be something completely different and definitely dangerous. He set the cape back where it had been hanging and approached the cube carefully.]

What does this do?

[ loki follows his gaze, unreadable. ]

That is the Tesseract. An object that holds power over all space.

[Keith considered how Mjolnir had made him feel, and he was wary. But, these places tended to work on the rule of three, so...

Carefully, he reached out to touch it.]

[ Once you lay your hand on the Tesseract, memories starts to form in your head (cw: death). It is a litany of pain, fear, anger, pain, loss, why did they leave me here, why did they abandon me, I thought they loved me, I thought they understood, why did I have to die, why, why, why

When it fades, it leaves a lingering sense of pain behind, like someone has taken to your mind with a scalpel. The pain eventually fades, leaving you with a dull throb. ]

[He was just batting 1.000 here today. Keith ripped his hand away, holding his head for a moment. It was hard not to see Zarkon in Thanos' physical appearance, but Keith knew they were different people. Give him a minute... he'd come around again. And, somehow, he even managed a small quip as he recovered from that pain.]

Is it me, or is this Fleet full of people with painful memories?

[ loki cocks his head. ]

I cannot speak for the Fleet. Only myself.

Maybe it's just Atroma bringing out all the painful stuff in these rooms, but I seem to be getting them all this time around.

[Keith shrugged]

I... wouldn't expect you know about anyone else's memories unless you know them close enough that they would have shared.

[He gave a weak smile.]

I have seen my fair share of late.

[ thor's, certainly. a few others. ]

The mind is organized differently for each. I keep my pain out here, but I protect what matters.

You don't feel things like this are too personal to share?

[It made Keith wonder what 'mattered'.]

[ sorrow flits through his expression. ]

Everything I have ever loved is gone. Why does it matter what is shared now?

[Keith frowned a bit.]

Just because you lost things doesn't mean a memory can't still be personal.

[He took a breath.]

I lost my dad when I was young. He basically was my world. But there's stuff about him that I don't share with just anyone.

[ loki softens minutely. ]

What is important is kept hidden. Pain is only pain. I make sure it remains, unerased by the other stories told.

Why not let it go?

[Not like it was easy... Keith knew that firsthand. But, it was something to strive for, right? Finding peace?]

[ he shakes his head. ]

I could never do that. If I let it go, it'll be forgotten. And I cannot afford to forget.

I don't think something that's painful enough could ever be forgotten... but it doesn't have to be painful anymore. Or, at least, maybe not as much as it was before.

[Keith looked down.]

Sorry. I just... holding on to something just made me angry. And, I didn't forget, but... I was able to learn to live with it in a way that wasn't as bad. I don't think it'll ever stop being there, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

If that makes any sense.

[ loki nods. ]

That is certainly true. But I spent much of my life ignored. Being told my hurts did not matter, that they were not real. I cannot let them go. If I forget, then what they told me — the narrative they gave me was true.

And it turns my pain into a lie.

[Keith considered that.]

Do you really think you'd forget?

[ quietly. ]

I think the mind is not as reliable as we wish it to be.

[Keith looked down for a moment, considering Shiro's predicament.]

Maybe not.

Though, maybe there's a reason we don't remember certain things.

[After all, pain could be something one didn't want to remember.]

Still... I don't think anything we ever feel is a lie. It's true in the moment, and that's what counts. Anyone who says feelings don't matter... they're the ones lying.

[Keith's tone was slightly bitter, like he'd been told that before.]

Pain and grief don't ever really go away. Letting go isn't forgetting. It's learning to live with it in a way that doesn't hurt as much. I know I'll never forget the things that have hurt me in the past, but I try not to let the memories hurt me now... not anymore. It doesn't always work, but I'm trying.

I am aware of that. This is why it is placed so. These are markers. Lessons. Things to learn and move from.

[ it wasn't so intense, but recent events have disorganized his mind. ]

[Keith nodded.]

That's the important thing to remember, then. These things... they're in the past. And we have to learn and move on.

[Keith knew, though, that it wasn't always that easy. It hadn't been for him on quite a few things.

He looked back towards the Tesseract again, remembering what he had seen.]

You have that chance here, at least... in the Fleet.

[ loki chuckles. it's not a happy sound. ]

For now.

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