driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

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Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

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[Rather than wondering what Han would show if their positions were reversed, Leia decides a change in subject would be better.]

Should I ask what you've seen?

[Since at this point, there's no point worrying about what may or may not have been shared. At least this way she can explain what was going on, if needed.]

[ He shakes his head a little. ]

Nothing to worry about.

[ Pausing, he considers it. He doesn't want to rub salt in her loss, but he doesn't want her think he's keeping anything from her. ]

Just... your mother.

[Rather than viewing it as rubbing salt in anything, she appreciates him being honest and actually answering her question. The subject is a hard one, sure, but if he had attempted to avoid the question, that would've just been insulting.]

I miss her.

[Which, obvious, but she feels the need to say it anyway.]

You've never said much about your own family.

[ It's not the direction he was expecting the conversation to go. ]

There's not much to say,

[ he answers, not defensive. Genuinely surprised, because he hasn't really thought about them in ages. ]

[He's seen her mother, in a way, despite her not talking much about her life on Alderaan before everything. So this, Leia thinks, is only fair.]

Would you tell me about them?

[ He would so rather not. But the way she looks at him, she makes it hard to say no. And-- well. It is fair, in a way. He looks up, past her. ]

My mother died young, [ he says, which is all he can say really. ] My dad worked at the shipyards. I dunno, we didn't get along.

[She watches Han as he answers, more surprised that he agreed to and did answer than she is by his answer itself. It makes sense with what she knows about him. If this had happened in a different way, with a less serious subject leading up to it, she might have tried to lighten the subject, but with this, it doesn't feel right to try that.]

I was adopted, you know. It's not anything we ever hid on Alderaan or from the rest of the galaxy. I don't know much about my birth mother either.

[By "much" she means nothing at all. But it doesn't bother her that much; she never really thought to ask if her parents knew anything before.]

[ He can't remember if he knew, though really if he didn't it's because Alderaanian politics weren't much of a concern to him. Not much money to be made here, in his line of work.

He's relieved that she doesn't ask any more. Talking about his parents feels weird and ill-fitting. Not that he hates them, or anything so dramatic, it just feels too far away. The truth is Han cares immensely about family, in his own way; he just tends to define it differently, putting less weight on the accident of where and to whom you're born. People who do nothing but argue about bloodlines are usually looking to be given something they can't earn on their own.

There are, in the end, much more dangerous questions she could have asked. People who could have been family, or were, for a while, people who shaped him more than the parents he was born to. ]

Does that bother you?

[She shakes her head. She doesn't know how it is for anyone else who was adopted or whether her thoughts on it are normal at all. Her situation in general, she's aware, is one that very few people who were adopted can relate to, as well. But for her?]

Not particularly. I never thought to ask much about her, or what my parents may have known. I was happy with them, so I didn't think there was much reason to try and find out more.

[All she knew was her mother had been sad and beautiful, and that she was a victim of the war. To her, it seemed like it would be difficult, if not impossible, to find out much about her given just that.]

Is that odd?

[ This is not the kind of thing people usually ask Han. ]

I don't think so. They were good to you, that's enough.

[She's not sure what sort of answer she expected out of him, but she'll take that one as a positive one. She smiles softly, just barely, the memories now more bittersweet than anything, especially with the added confusion of being somewhere that resembles her memories of home so clearly on top of it all.]

They were. I miss them both a lot.

I know, [ he says softly. What else can he say? There's nothing he can say to make it better.

A little tentative, he reaches to take her hands in his. He's never sure how far to push that kind of thing-- not when whatever is between them is so uneven-- but it seems like a fair moment to try and be comforting with something other than empty words. ]

[It's unexpected but far from unwelcome, even with the differences in time between them. Leia closes her hands around his, silent for a moment as she accepts his comfort while lost in her own memories.]

Did you ever get a chance to visit?

[Alderaan, naturally. He answered before, and while they're both being open, she's interested to see just what she can learn about him from before they met. There's a lot she doesn't know.]

I've been through once or twice. Not for long...

[ He gives her a slight smile, crooked and uncertain. ]

Not enough crime to keep busy.

[Well that's not a bad thing to say, really. Her parents had one their best to ensure Alderaan kept its people happy and that they had what they needed. Low crime was the natural side-effect of that.]

I'm glad to hear it.

[Both the lack of crime, and that he had the chance to visit. It's important to her.]

I would've liked to have shown you around. Luke and Chewie, too.

[ He wouldn't be surprised to learn that Chewbacca had been. His Wookiee friend has been everywhere. But it's a sorer spot than he wants to lean on, that they'll never have a chance to. They've all seen what little is left. ]

So let's go, [ he says. ] We're here, now. Sort of.

[Again, not what she would've expected, but it's a very Han answer at the same time. She blinks, tilting her head slightly as the barest smile cuts through the heavy gloom of the earlier subject.]

I'm not so sure we'll reach the ground safely if we jump out of that window.

[ Well, that's a fair concern. If the other ways out aren't an option that does limit what they can do. He nods, instead, toward the open view. ]

Tell me about it, then.

[ If she wants to. Maybe it's better not to dwell? He can't begin to know. ]

[She hesitates before answering, because usually yes, it is better not to dwell. Her preferred method is to just not. Shove everything to the back of her mind, don't think on it, focus on whatever's at the present. But that doesn't work so well when her present is an imitation of her lost home.

And more than that, with Han, she wants to share with him. She nods toward the window with full view of the snow-capped mountain in the distance.]

That mountain there, it's called Appenza Peak. It's not the tallest, but it was one of the most well-known mountains around Aldera. Would you believe I scaled it years ago?

Yes.

[ He casts her a small, lopsided smile. He'd believe she took it on in a fight if the mood struck her. Conquering a mountain? Why not. ]

On your own?

[She shakes her head. She could have, if she wanted to. Well, as alone as she could be with royal guards hanging back, anyway. But--]

No, I had my mother accompany me.

[Again she pauses before adding on more, because it's important, and now that she's started talking about it, it's easier to continue.]

I chose to climb Appenza Peak as my Challenge of the Body, to formally be considered next in line. It's been done alone in the past, but it's acceptable to bring one other person with you. With my mother's history with the mountain, I wanted her to come with me.

[ He looks at her quizzically. ]

I don't know a lot about her.

[ Leaving room for her to continue, if she wants. As she can. ]

She would've liked you.

[Because after all, Han did act like a scoundrel some of the time, and Breha had commented about how it does someone good to fall for a scoundrel, not explaining her mindset beyond that.]

She was very kind, they both were. I don't know if there's anyone I know braver than her. When she was undertaking her own challenges years ago, there was an accident, and yet she still went back without a second thought when I asked her to come with me.

[Among other things, but that's one of the memories Leia has that stands out the most to her as the definition of who Breha Organa was.]

[ Somehow he finds it hard to believe that she'd approve, but who knows? Leia certainly would be able to guess better than he does. He's not gonna argue, least of all if it brings her some kind of comfort. ]

So how'd your climb go?

It was difficult, but we made it to the top safely.

[Not that they were truly alone, with royal guards and other people following behind, but it's the illusion that mattered at the time.]

But what about you? I'm the one doing most of the sharing here.

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