driftfleet | dreams in digital

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for A-M characters )

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C

Connor

D - F

G - I

Haggar

J - M

Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ The Tesseract falls from Steve's hand as soon as the memory is over. He's heard of Thanos. He's heard of all he had done. But he hadn't heard about this.

Steve crumbles to the floor, overcome for a second as his breathing comes fast, eyes burning. He can still see the pain on Thor's face. The pain on Loki's face. All of that burning and death and for what? What did it bring? What was it for?

He turns to Loki, tears brimming but unshed as his mouth opens and nothing comes out. ]

[ silently, loki walks over, bending down to wipe at his tears. he doesn't say anything, no mockery, no pithy words, just quietly removes traces of grief as if loki himself has forgotten what it means. ]

[Steve doesn't stop him. Just watches, feeling hollow and hopeless. It's not a familiar feeling.]

So...when you leave here?

I do not know. I have died before so the future may still be uncertain.

[ but loki can't promise things will be better. or that he survives. and as such, he keeps no hope. such feelings were too dangerous for the recently departed. ]

[Steve doesn't know what to say. He has no plan. No idea of what to do. Loki was one death among billions. Steve hates all of it.]

I'm sorry. Loki, I'm so sorry.

Do not be. Thanos haunted me for years and I met him on my terms. My end was my own and Thor survived.

[ that is, despite all the tragedy that befall thor and the rest, still his victory. ]

I'm sorry that you had to bear that alone. I'm sorry that was a choice you had to make.

[ loki shrugs. it's never been a difficult choice to make. he's made it before. loki simply places no value in his own life. sure, he'll do his best to survive, take the cowardly route if need be and avoid confrontation but in the end, that's merely spite. if the universe puts himself and thor on a scale, loki will always choose thor. and he'll keep dying until that choice changes. ]

As I said. It is not a grievance you need to carry with you.

I know I don't need to. But that doesn't mean I won't.

[Steve understands feeling like nothing. Even with the serum there is a small, inferior boy inside of him that had everything to prove and still sometimes does. A boy who had a best friend like a brother who he looked up to like he hung the moon. Who he would always choose.

Loki and he really had more in common than he first realized]

If we leave here, I know I won't remember this. And maybe you won't either, but you should know that now, here, you are mourned.

[ loki smiles faintly. he'll never have a funeral or any kind of marker. he'll never be remembered, not properly. and being a frost giant means his chances of entering valhalla are slim to none. ]

It is enough.

[Steve smiles back, sad but steady as he clasps Loki's shoulder once more]

Good...

[He exhales a humorless laugh, trying to expend some amount of the emotions here.]

Got anything happy here at all?

What is good is locked under Mjolnir. The state of this place has suffered some recent unrest, hence the, ah, organisation of it.

[ when something traumatic happens, loki clamps down on what is good. he does not want his own mind to taint it. as he has done before. ]

[Steve understands. His own best memories were locked up for him. Not to protect them from himself but just from everything else in the world that could ruin them.]

You could just tell me about them. I don't need to see them.

[ loki cocks his head, vaguely surprised. ]

What would you like to know?

That you have some good memories, too.

I never denied that. But it is difficult to look at the good when the lie changed the landscape.

[ of course loki had good memories. but how much of that was real and how much of it was another lie was difficult to tell. ]

[Now Steve understands better what Nat had meant when she'd said him not answering a question was pretty much still answering it.]

How many good memories from the last ten years?

[ er. loki has to take a moment. let's see, his life was a lie, he dropped off a bridge, thanos, then earth, imprisonment, his mother died . . .

geez ]

I've had some . . . positive ones. Here.

[Steve does't frown but only because he suspected that answer.]

Positive? That's it?

[ he looks vaguely chagrined at that. ]

Yes? I died three times in ten years, positive is an improvement!

[Steve shows his palms.]

Alright, alright. Fair enough. Tell me one of those?

[ loki pauses. ]

Thor gave me something recently. A small strap to wear. That was nice.

A strap?

[Steve doesn't understand Asgardian gifts, it seems.]

Birthday gift?

We don't have birthdays.

[ pursing his lips, loki conjures a brief illusion of the scene, when thor handed the strap. ]

[Steve watches the memory and, at the end, is smiling warmly]

After everything you guys have been through. That's...real nice, Loki. It's amazing to have someone in your life like that.

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dothelokimotion - 2019-02-20 05:17 (UTC) - Expand

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