video.

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Mr. Jarvis and you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Marsiva
When: Today!

[The video begins with a fellow in a well-pressed suit and a carefully adjusted tie, all befitting someone who puts the most care into looking a well-kept part in society. His poor hair could do with some pomade - it hangs a bit, droops like a wilted leaf on his forehead, but otherwise he's made sure to keep his dignity in the wake of this... horrible event. He's been clearly kidnapped. Kidnapped! He prays Miss Carter is safe somewhere; the last thing he remembers is being hit with a tranquilizer, but he can't seem to remember if it had been a terribly dangerous affair. Didn't they have the assailant in their trunk? Oh, what a beast the man had been. He will attempt to keep his composure regardless. It's his job.]

While I appreciate that you've let me keep my reading glasses, I'm afraid I won't be broken in by such... backwards methods. Whoever you are and wherever you have... taken me, I can assure you that you've chosen a terrible person to kidnap and that kindness will earn you nothing of use. I'm just the butler; a chauffeur, and I'll have little to offer you, unless you would like to learn how to properly fold any and all manner of clothing.

... Or how to properly prepare a dining table.

[I imagine nothing of that sort will interest you, you're probably all thuggish barbarians.]

If you think you'll get anything at all from me otherwise — well!

[He folds his arms, and though he's concerned for his health in the future (god please don't murder me whoever you people are), he is doing his best impression of an impassive, dry-witted butler. As always. He doesn't sell it perfectly, but at least he's selling it, and that's what matters. Look how tough and unbreakable I am. Can't hurt a butler when he's down.]

You're sorely mistaken.





[........ brb fumbling now]


How do I turn this thing off?

Comments

[hollystrike]

Well, drat. You've certainly convinced me. And here I had all sorts of nefarious questions.

[edwinjarvis]

[YOUR BRITISHNESS WILL NOT DISSUADE ME.

Nor your non-intimidating demeanor.]

...

Did you?

[Who are you, why do you look normal, what is happening.]

They'll hire anyone for these nefarious affairs these days, won't they.

[hollystrike]

[It's sensible not to be dissuaded! All the most evil villains are British, you know. Also my normalcy is a cunning mask.]

More's the pity. It's become harder and harder to find work as a nefarious questioner as a result, but luckily I'm very good at it. [Delivered with a mournful air which is a little at odds, but what can you do. She certainly doesn't look like she's about to break out the torture implements.]

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[mucked]

Tough words.

[ the device displays a familiar face. familiarish. peggy's been here long enough that she's changed: her hair is a little longer, and her makeup more subdued. but her brassy tone is the same as ever, and she levels edwin jarvis with a very stern expression that only but barely veils a wellspring of affection. ]

From a very tough man, I imagine. [ ... ] Hello, Mister Jarvis.

[ it's hard not to feel delighted; for now, she tries remain even-tempered. ]

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[edwinjarvis]

Miss Carter.

[He deflates a bit, like a balloon you've managed to stop the air from escaping just in time, and it's clear now that he's seen her he's had a lot of concerns regarding his favorite partner in crime. He'll try to be formal anyway (DON'T PANIC, PEGGY - aka DON'T PANIC, ME).]

Are you alright? Are you safe? Have they been feeding you?

[WHAT have they been feeding you i bet it's been d r e a d f u l muck]

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[mucked]

[ so it begins. the shaky confrontation between her proper life, back home, and the life she's learned to lead here in the fleet. at least it comes with a welcome face attached to it -- she finds her best long-suffering smile and fixes it in place. ]

Perfectly safe. [ she stretches the truth. just a little. ] I can assure you, there's no immediate cause for concern.

action »

[uprightness]

[ every Stark needs a Jarvis, it would seem. How odd, to see one in human form. Captain America smiles, mostly kind and only a bit amused. ]

The little button on top of your screen. Whenever you want to turn it off.

[ stars and stripes and a brooklyn accent, they're all there. ]

1/3

[edwinjarvis]

Oh yes, of course, the button, the button — one often forgets that not everything is as convoluted as Mr. Stark's grand inventions-

2/3

[edwinjarvis]

[edwinjarvis]

... Ohmyword.

[a+ jarvis

good introduction to peggy's bootysqueeze

you've done it, buddy]

[uprightness]

How do you do, Mr. Jarvis

[ his door his open, he can hear Peggy scolding you from two rooms over. ]

I'm sorry about the welcome. I know not a lot of things make sense right about now.

Video

[english_dignity]

Unfortunately, our kidnappers don't appear to be very forthcoming with responses. I've been told this is for entertainment.

[He scowl makes it very clear exactly what he thinks of that.]

But for what it's worth, we're not being directly harmed or interrogated either.

Video

[edwinjarvis]

[good lord man your eyebrows]

They'll find I'm not fit for it, unless they enjoy a good game of Ludo.

What sort of entertainment can one possibly gleam from this?

Voice

[castrationfist]

[the voice that comes out is cheerful and amused at Jarvis' predicament.]

Eh, you're sure selling yourself short. Shouldn't you have more pride in your profession than that? Are you saying a butler can't be useful or offer the kidnappers anything?

Voice

[edwinjarvis]

Not unless they would like a lengthy lesson in the fine art of window-washing and tax filing.

[Also, playing up his uselessness will protect Mr. Stark and Miss Carter, and that is key.]

Though I can assure you I take great pride in my work, fear not.

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[reconstitution]

With how they operate, maybe preparing the dinner table is their last step before killing us.

[ Good job, Jarvis. You've doomed us all. Hey there, pal. ]

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[edwinjarvis]

[He's just gonna totally not realize who you are at first, okay? Cool.

(It's the hippy hair, so unbecoming.)

Also don't make him internally panic.]

... You don't suppose so, do you?

Oh god above, I hope they're not preparing us as dinner. I should hope I haven't doomed us all.

> (accidental) voice

[ahappylie]

[He's sorry. He didn't mean to snigger, or giggle really. He especially didn't mean for that to be broadcast, but there it was - him giggling in response to Jarvis' Very Serious Post.]

[edwinjarvis]

[RUDE. RUDE AND BARBARIC. I'M TRYING TO BE NOBLE HERE.]

Chuckle all you want, you won't have a penny's worth of information from me.

Video

[notmutantbutmiracle]

Another new face? I suppose there is some measure of comfort in know I won't be the only one around here trying to make sense of everything.

[Why did his voice sound somehow familiar to her?]

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[edwinjarvis]

[IT'S NOT FAMILIAR, NOT AT ALL, NO MA'AM.]

I am more than happy to accompany you on this journey, miss.

Though I fear we'll have more questions than answers at the end of the day.

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[recipio]

What do they have to gain from kidnapping any of us?

[ Not really as if a kid from an apocalypse will offer them much expertise. Unless they suddenly want to learn how to wield firearms that aren't of the laser persuasion. ]

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[edwinjarvis]

I don't know, you'll have to ask them. I'm sorely new to the situation.

People find their reasons to take others against their will, unfortunately.

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[winn]

[ checking the timestamp on the broadcast, winn reaches it a few hours after it's done, so he figures the man's been filled in and he can jump right into the joking, because the joking is what helped him get through that stressful first week on the marsiva. ]

Actually not the worst idea, maybe if you teach all of us how to be proper they'd get bored and send us home.

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[edwinjarvis]

Wouldn't that be quite the happy conclusion.

Bore them with fine British etiquette. And then we could play chess wordlessly until they throw their hands up and wave the white flag.