driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C

Connor

D - F

G - I

Haggar

J - M

Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, same here. I think what I've got left is pretty safe, though. Not like I'm going senile or anything, just- I was really little, y'know? So everything's gone kinda fuzzy.

[She glances sidelong at Haggar, her smile shifting to a more apologetic expression.]

Sorry... this is probably hitting a little close to home, huh, even from the other side. I could have warned you.

[Did not, but could have.]

... you could have.

[There's a dry amusement that accompanies the words. It still was -- difficult, but it was better, too, to -- talk. It fades though, after a pause.]

Words can only do so much for preparation. I wonder, that if he should ... wander through here, that he might experience it. Or if that might do more harm.

[And that makes Lup's smile falter, and she hastily looks away.]

I don't want him here. All he'll see is static, probably. It'll hurt him, and it'll hurt me, too. I can... I can barely handle it in the waking world- it's taking way too much of my damned focus just to keep it together out there. I don't need that kind of pressure here, too.

[And the alternative... gods, that's too cruel.]

No, you do not. But you must be prepared for the fact that this place... often ignores such desires.

[As much as one could prepare for something like that, anyway.]

We do not know how long this will continue to happen. So many of our minds... linked in this manner.

What's your point?

[It's a bit short, almost snappish, not a typical attitude she likes to take with Haggar, but the subject has her on edge.]

Should I brace myself for the inevitable? Dig deep and find the misery before it finds me? No thanks. No bummers in this room. That shit goes over there.

[She gestures with her spoon towards the black curtains, and returns to mixing whatever's in the bowl.]

[She tilts her head to glance in the direction of the curtains, taking in Lup's tone. A place for the darker thoughts in her mind, she can respect that.]

... I see. Not here, then.

[Not that she's exactly racing her way over to the curtain. She still has a cookie, and as much as she's unintentionally upset this Lup, and even though it is still not quite real in a sense, she finds that she doesn't quite like the consideration of just breezing through and souring things in her wake. It was an odd enough consideration for her to have, to give her reason to pause, but... it meant something, to be able to understand that and not just do what she might have done without -- understanding what it meant to feel -- that.

Her gaze instead settles upon the next nearest impulse instead. Strange that a sheet of parchment would be closest at hand, an odd discernible vial of liquid drawing the eye.]

[Most of the parchment text is indiscernible, a scrawling of fine cursive with a complicated signature at the bottom, but if she looks closely a part of the title can be seen beneath the leather bag resting on top of it: "Polymorph" is all that's visible. The vial contains a dollop of shining silver liquid.

As Haggar's fingers brush over the paper, she's struck with an immediate sense of... wrong. It isn't overwhelming, but it's a feeling that refuses to be denied. Her body is a cage, suddenly. It's alien to her, poorly fitted to her shape. She wants to escape. She wants to fix it, to fit, but she's not allowed, why isn't she allowed-

this isn't me

it doesn't feel like me

I can't wait a hundred years

they're wrong

why won't anyone help me!?

The feeling passes, in a matter of seconds, replaced by the sensation of calm, of peace, of yes, yes. better. At the counter, Lup begins to hum again, in sharp contrast to the stress found within the preview of her memory. Whatever she might have felt in that moment, she shows no shame or fear in Haggar knowing about it.]

[It was... an odd sort of sensation. The context was vague, for a memory, but the concept seemed... well, not far from something that might be related to alchemy.

Except that this seemed far more personal in nature.

She glances back to Lup, noticing that she seems calmer. Perhaps distracted from the poor choice in topic earlier. She's quiet for a moment, contemplating it. It's more in her nature to not speak.]

You are... comfortable with yourself as you are now?

[Not quite a question, but musing enough.]

[Lup hums softly, a thoughtful sound, neither confirming nor denying.]

I'm much better than I was. It feels right, and... there's people who love me as I am.

[She pauses, considering her words once more, then adds, glancing at the parchment-]

You can try again. I don't mind if you know.

[There was significance in that pause, as Haggar considered the weight of Lup's reaction. It was strange, that there was something... valuable about the sense of having permission. Something that felt... important about the fact that she was able to learn to value such things at all.

Perhaps these contents would not be as dark as anything else they'd shared with one another, but... private. She nods after Lup finishes, and gently places her hand on the parchment once more.]

[The room dissolves into a memory, clearer than the last. She remembers these moments as clear as the day they happened.]

----------

The scenery shifts to reveal a forest that is quiet for only a second before two small figures burst through the brush, one after the other. They look identical, both about eight or nine, and are only discernible through their clothing and minute differences in hairstyle. They wrestle in the dirt for a while before one pins the other, holding them down until they slump and whine, conceding defeat. The victor raises both fists to the sky, shouting, "Taako down! Another win for Lup!" and then crawls off to help the loser up.

"Only 'cause you got the first move in," Taako mumbles, dusting himself off.

Lup scoffs. "Whatever. That means you owe me one. You promised to keep quiet." She waits until her twin huffs an agreement, fidgets, then reaches out to tug him in close. She cups a hand over his ear and whispers for a moment.

There's a long, lingering silence, until Taako finally breaks it with, "That's it? That's your big secret? I knew that already!"

Lup stares, then stomps her foot. "Liar! There's no way! Even I didn't-"

"Yeah you did, dingus, you just weren't saying it."

They bicker back and forth for a while, almost devolving into another wrestling match, until they finally settle down on a log and Lup lets Taako unravel and braid her messy hair. It's quiet until Lup whispers, "It's okay, right?"

Taako hums, gently tugging free a knot in her locks. "Yeah, it's okay."

"You swear? You don't mind?"

"Dummy. You're still Lulu."

They fall silent again, and when Lup sniffles, Taako reaches forward to wrap his arms around her.

-----

The scene shifts again. It's years later, and the two are standing in a room so finely decorated with ancient artifacts and expensive objects that they, scrappy preteens dressed like your standard fantasy peasants, look incredibly out of place. They're holding hands, and Lup is clutching a plain leather bag close to her chest as they wait. At last a tall male elf in equally intricate robes steps into the room and approaches them. He holds a hand out.

"You have the requested items?" Lup nods and hands the bag over, and they wait as he opens it to examine its contents. Coins jingle as he fishes two small bottles out and shakes the rest. Satisfied with his findings, he passes the bag to an assistant who'd followed him inside and gestures to the carpeted floor. "Sit down. We are not to be disturbed for an hour, after which the change will be permanent. This is your last chance: are you certain?"

Silence greets him, broken only by the weak, shuddering breath Lup takes. She opens her mouth, hesitates. Her hand clutches Taako's more tightly.

"Lulu, you got this," he whispers. She looks over at him, eyes wide, frightened. "We got this."

She lets go of his hand only to fling her arms around him, clinging tightly. While she hugs him, she finally calls out, "I'm sure. I'm ready."

They sit down as he arranges the bottles, holding them in one hand while he waves a candle with the other, smoke wafting through the air. A bolt of arcane energy flies towards them and hits Lup in the chest, but she makes no move to dodge or resist it. She closes her eyes, holds fast to Taako's hand, and waits. Nothing discernable happens, but after a few seconds she gasps, tugging Taako closer to herself, and hunches over, trembling.

"Lup?" Taako calls quietly, mindful of the wizard's scrutinizing gaze. He looks defensive now, angry on her behalf. "Lulu, are you okay? Do you want to-"

"No," she mutters, and when she looks up at him she's smiling, tears of relief in her eyes. "No, it's just… it feels right. It feels just like it should, I think."

She closes her eyes again, and after a moment, so does he. They wait; fifty-nine minutes and counting.

---------

[When the memory fades, the bag of gold is gone and the vial of liquid has been emptied. Haggar will find the parchment in her hand and the text is clear now, easily read; many of the details are irrelevant, but a few things are noteworthy. It reads:

True Polymorph

The client, Lup, a male high elf (sun, New Elfington) aged 12, requests this spell for the purpose of changing his gender. His guardian, a paternal grandfather, has granted permission.

The cost, inclusive of labour, has been quoted at 850 GP. Material components are to be provided by the client at the time of casting. His twin will be serving as the visual focus and changes to aesthetic will be minimal, if any.

Due to the age of the client no financial penalty will incur should the client choose to withdraw before the spell is cast.]

[She's quiet for a long moment, as the memory ends. It's not so much the context of the memory that immediately strikes her as much as the relationship between Lup and Taako does; how young they were; sharing a closeness that perhaps only twins could. Even if that wasn't the point of the memory, hard not to get drawn to that aspect. They'd seemed... happy, just playing together. It was nice and... more than bittersweet, knowing their reality now. That one could not recall this simplicity.

The context itself was personal, though she had anticipated it would be, just not how deeply it was. Blinking slowly she glances down to take in the words appearing on the paper, frowning faintly at the contents, if only because they seem very wrong.

Hard also not to notice the age on the paper. They must have already lost their parents, given the listed guardian. It might have been far more difficult to achieve if they had no one at all. Even so, importantly, they had each other. Surely Taako had put his skills to use to help rally for his sister's cause.]

... It does not change who you are to me. [She says finally, looking back toward Lup, expression softening. It really hadn't.] I am glad that... you did not have to wait a century to feel better.

[That makes Lup turn, her eyes bright as she smiles; there's a relief there, subtle but present nonetheless.]

That's good. Would've been a bit of a deal-breaker otherwise. Anyway, you can thank Taako for that one- pretty sure it was his idea to gun for it again, after the folks kicked it. He said it was a stupid rule.

[And she agreed, just less noisily than him. It'd been hard enough to tell them, nevermind argue about it.]

It is not surprising, that he would have been so persistent once you had an opportunity.

[It was not particularly difficult to imagine that Taako would be insistent on a point for someone he genuinely would do anything for, even when compared to his current state of mind and dedication to certain things.]

Especially when it comes to rules he does not find favor with.

Oh, for sure. He's always been stubborn like that. I was lucky to have him- dunno how I'd have managed otherwise. For a long time, it's only because of him that I ever felt like I could be myself.

[She turns back to her work, scooping some of her mix out of the bowl to form little balls onto a tray.]

Our parents meant well, as far as I can remember- it's not like they were against it, but it's expensive work, and we were dirt poor more often than not. They were like, wait until you're an adult, and then you can do whatever you want! But elves aren't considered adults for a hundred years. And when you're ten that sounds like forever.

Perhaps they may have not wanted to get your hopes up, if... finances were such an issue.

[Assuming the best of their intentions for Lup's sake. But 90 years? Being more aware of time now, she could see how that would seem a long wait to someone, if they were constantly aware of that feeling of wrongness within them.

Her brows furrow slightly, mostly at her lack of context for such matters.]

... Are children and adults so different?

Mmmmaybe. There isn't really any way to know, now.

[Lup shrugs. The approval or lack thereof from dead parents is awfully low on her list of priorities or things to think deeply about these days.]

For elves, it's all about life experience, or at least that's what I remember being told. When your lifespan's meant to be over 700 years, you've barely seen or done anything when you're just a kid, comparatively. I guess they figured I hadn't experienced being a dude long enough to decide? [Her tone belies how distasteful the very idea was, in retrospect.] They didn't get that it wasn't a decision for me. At least not the way they thought.

[She listens carefully, considering this. How often in these conversations does she run into concepts outside her realm of experience, due to them not mattering. Concepts such as perceived rules and roles, she could understand. A child was meant to adhere, even if they did not fit with whatever the structure was.

Strange, to think of that. But this case was -- different.]

Every species would have a different gauge for what would constitute as enough experience. Perhaps it is a... flaw, for parents to assume they know what would be best.

[She has, in fact, been hanging around Loki too much, to even reach this point of understanding.]

... It remains a stupid rule.

[Only Lup ever manages to coax this sort of vocabulary out of her.]

Sure is! And thankfully not one I have to worry about anymore.

[Y'know, on account of the dead parents. What shit they went through afterwards, she can at least be thankful for one good thing coming out of it.]

Thank you, though. In general.

... You're welcome.

[She's still not used to being thanked, and it still takes her that pause to remember how to respond to it, but...

It is a nice feeling. She hopes it's not one that -- stops feeling nice. Not that she expects to hear the phrase often enough for it to lose that effect. It's still new, though. Still -- nice. Different.]

And thank you... for your trust.

[There had been what was shared at the tree, but this was also completely different; there was no underlying pull for why this information would have been shared. Though the whole experience was strengthening her admiration for Lup, and how genuine she was.]

Mm... to be honest, I'm as surprised as you are. Nothing against you or anything, it just isn't my thing, usually.

[She lifts her shoulders in a shrug, trying to keep it casual, but it's kind of hard to at this point. It's a deeply personal subject in a deeply personal space, and she's not Taako. She's not as good at shutting her emotions off with people she actually cares about, and for whatever reason that very small circle now includes Haggar.]

... you had Taako to confide those personal things in, for all that time. It would be hard to do better than that. Or to want to, I... would imagine.

[And yet these were the circumstances, strangely enough.

She makes her way back toward the counter and Lup, as much as the curtained room had tempted. She had decided her priorities. Lup... might need a hand.]

Yeah, but even he learned that we couldn't go our entire lives forming only one single bond with each other and nobody else. We managed for a long time, sure, but... when the world got too big for us to handle alone, we had to depend on other people. Even with how he is now, he knows that. He's just more stubborn than me about admitting it.

[And he's scared, she knows. He's been left alone and abandoned for so long that he's always waiting for more people to leave him- that's what he believes, because it's all he's been left with. It's not his fault. But since she does remember the truth, she's making it her mission to continue building those bonds for both of their sakes. One day they're going to need it.]

Circumstances required you to make other allies. That itself would not be... uncommon for the situation you would have found yourselves in.

[But that wasn't exactly this circumstance, which was harder for her to define.]

Well, you know what they say- habits die hard. We're stubborn about it for way longer than is healthy.

[She shrugs. She's gotten used to it, over time, and has learned what to say to Taako when he's pushing things with varying success. Somehow they've gotten by.]

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