driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

[ Calibration Rooms ]
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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C

Connor

D - F

G - I

Haggar

J - M

Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

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[ loki looks up at steve, unreadable. ]

Do you truly believe that?

I do.

[God Bless Steve, he doesn't need to think twice about things he believes or not.]

Those people are the poison.

[ loki watches him briefly, his expression soft at the corners. ]

You are a strange one, Captain.

I heard that a few times, growing up.

[He looks around the room, unsure now of what to do. He doesn't want to upset the tentative peace he's gotten but still feels like he needs to do more.]

[ loki watches his gaze wander. ]

What is it you'd like to see?

I don't like putting my nose all over people's business.

[But he doesn't have a lot of choice, here.]

What would you like me to see, next? I don't want to invade your privacy...

[ he shrugs. on the outside, loki would care but this one, not so much. ]

You should finish the books.

[He should. With a deep inhale, he reaches for the next one but pauses before he grabs it.]

Thank you, by the way. For sharing this with me.

[Not that he has a choice, really. But all the same.

He grabs the next book and holds it, waiting to see more.]

[ the voice was loki’s but fully distorted.

And so, the younger sibling kills one father to save another (cw: death). Pride fills him at last. At last the golden realm could love him. Could not discard him. He had done what no one else could. They could see that he was a true son of the golden realm. But his brother had returned, changed. Gone was the Giant-Killer, here was the gentler brother he had tried so hard to reach and failed, every time. Wrought with anger, fear and pain, they fought (cw: fighting) on the bridge between worlds. The bridge shattered under the weight of the hammer and they fell — nearly.

Nearly . . .

The younger son told the high king what he had been trying to do. He asked for understanding — he was a fool — he thought his family would take him back — but he wasn’t theirs — they saw him for his monster that he was and said no (cw: suicide). And thus, the monster was defeated, plunged back into the depths and the golden realm was saved . . .

The rest of the pages are filled with celebration and a single spread page with Thor and Odin standing over a mound of blue. And a pitiful voice whispers, I could have done it, Father. I could have done it. For you. ]

[This all hurts to watch. Not because Steve thinks that he was wrong about what he said before but because he can understand so much more acutely why Loki feels this way. He'd tried. He'd wanted to be worthy and wanted to be an equal. And in the end, he'd felt rejected by the people he loved most and sacrificed so much for.

When Steve looks up, his face is an open book for his thoughts though he tries very hard to hide it. But that just isn't the sort of person he is.]

I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Loki.

[He steps closer but pauses, not sure what is welcome in the tentative peace they have.]

You weren't a fool. You just wanted what everyone else wants. That's not foolish.

[ loki looks away. ]

It never would have come to me.

[ he knows that now. no amount of trying to be like thor, to be a good son, to be anything others want him to be will yield any kind of satisfaction. loki may never like himself, but at the very least he has acknowledged who he is and used that as his strength. ]

To chase something like that is the height of folly.

Maybe not the crown, but that wasn't what you wanted, really. Was it? [Steve laughs a little, humorlessly, shaking his head in memory]

You might be surprised, but I actually know a little bit about feeling inferior to pretty much everyone. You chased equality your way and I did it mine.

[He looks up at Loki.]

I don't think either of us got what we wanted.

[ his expression is unreadable. ]

But your inferiority was fixed.

I cannot be fixed that way.

[Steve's had just about as much as he can take and finally closes the distance to try and put a hand on Loki's shoulder]

You're not inferior, Loki. You're just not Thor. And it's better that way.

[ loki wraps his arms around himself. ]

How is that better? How has it ever been better?

[Steve grips his one shoulder as lightly as he can giving it a soft shake.]

Because you made Thor! Who would he have been without you as his brother? Without you interrupting his coronation? He needed you to be who he is now. No one else.

[ that is . . . a new take. loki blinks, visibly surprised. ]

He needs me?

Yes.

[Steve tightens his grip as though he can force this fact into Loki.]

The man he is now? He needs the man you were then. Every bit of it. Even the mistakes.

[ sorrow flits through loki's expression and he looks at the tesseract, glowing in a corner. ]

It might be too late for that.

[Steve looks at the tesseract and back at Loki. For some reason, his blood goes cold.]

Why is it too late?

You should see it for yourself.

[ loki points him to the cube. ]

[Steve doesn't want to. He really doesn't want to. But when does he ever let what he wants come in the way of what he needs to do?

He releases Loki and walks over slowly. With a short look back, Steve extends his hand to pick it up, bracing himself for what he will see.]

[ Once you lay your hand on the Tesseract, memories (cw: coercion) starts to form in your head (cw: death, strangulation) . It is a litany of pain, fear, anger, pain, loss, why did they leave me here, why did they abandon me, I thought they loved me, I thought they understood, why did I have to die, why, why, why

When it fades, it leaves a lingering sense of pain behind, like someone has taken to your mind with a scalpel. The pain eventually fades, leaving you with a dull throb. ]

[ The Tesseract falls from Steve's hand as soon as the memory is over. He's heard of Thanos. He's heard of all he had done. But he hadn't heard about this.

Steve crumbles to the floor, overcome for a second as his breathing comes fast, eyes burning. He can still see the pain on Thor's face. The pain on Loki's face. All of that burning and death and for what? What did it bring? What was it for?

He turns to Loki, tears brimming but unshed as his mouth opens and nothing comes out. ]

[ silently, loki walks over, bending down to wipe at his tears. he doesn't say anything, no mockery, no pithy words, just quietly removes traces of grief as if loki himself has forgotten what it means. ]

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cw: suicide, superhero fighting, death

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cw: death, strangulation, coercion

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