driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C

Connor

D - F

G - I

Haggar

J - M

Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Lup laughs, freely, without hesitation. It's much easier to laugh here, somehow. Restraint in one's own soul just seems silly.

Hi, Haggar.]

No one's forcing your hand, you know! Don't put this on me.

[She doesn't really get the compelling nature of this place- it's just a part of who she is. If people want to poke around, whatever, that's fine. Apparently a bunch of shit's already been broadcast through the whole planer system (thanks for that, Fisher, bud) so what does it matter if it happens in this place, too? She has very few regrets.

At least, not here.]

[There is something warming about the laugh. It wasn't exactly an unpleasant atmosphere to be in.]

It may not be you who has created the temptation, but the fact that it exists cannot be denied.

[The impulse was strong, for someone like her to even struggle with it. It's enough for her to give Lup a warning, before her hand reaches out. She does not open the jar, though her finger lightly traces over the design.]

[Nothing happens, initially- at least, not as far as memories go. But as she hesitates to open it, the jar conveys to her a series of feelings, powerful but distant at the same time, with a strange air of familiarity. The sensation of warm hands, arms much larger than her own embracing her body as if she were a child, a gentle voice soothing her worries. Mama's here, Mama's got you.

As quickly as it came upon her those feelings are gone, leaving behind an empty hole. Small, but... remembered. Something was there and is no longer.

Does she try again or move on?]

[First she has to process -- well, that.

There's absolutely nothing in her memory to compare it to that she knows of, and even if it's someone else's experience it's something that hits rather like a shock to the system. Feelings like this were still strange at all to have and perhaps Lup was right, that she had starved for it.

Just as soon as the sensation arrives it is gone, and ... well. That was bait. She blinks, frowning as she tries to shake the puzzlement of that off, but this time opens the jar right up.

Dream cookie it is.]

[Her hand touches something soft and crumbly, but before she can pull it out a light flares up around her, drowning the kitchen and blinding her for a moment.]

----------

When the light fades, the scene it reveals is... blurry. Bits and pieces of it are fuzzy, making it difficult to see many of the details. It still looks like a kitchen, but a different one- a more simple looking design, less sleek but more uniform. It smells sweet and the air is warm. Four chairs are placed around an old wooden table and one is occupied by a small, blond-haired child who is quietly watching an adult female elf wrap a bandage around the child's leg. Something is odd about her features, shifting and coalescing, features changing from moment to moment. One second she looks exactly like Lup, the next she looks older, then younger, then her nose is bigger or her eyes are a different colour. The child in the memory never notices the changes.

"Mama? Is Koko gonna be okay?" The child - Lup - whispers. Her shoulders hunch, fear audible in her voice.

Her mother hums. Unlike her features, her voice rings through clearly enough. She sounds fairly young. "He'll be fine, sweetie. His cut was deeper than yours, so Papa wants someone else to make sure it'll heal safe. You'll see him tomorrow."

Lup is quiet again, her eyes glued to the window, waiting. There's another wave of anxiety, mingling with frustration. Tomorrow is too long. He'd been crying, he'll be lonely. "Can we go there too?"

The elf woman sighs. "I'm working tomorrow. It'll be hard enough with your father…" She trails off, then looks up. Her face blurs, there and gone and back again, and she smiles and brushes a hand through Lup's hair. Warm. "Sorry, honey. We can't go tonight, it's almost bedtime."

"I don't care about bedtime, I-"

"The answer is no." Silence follows the stern scolding, and her mother returns to quietly bandaging her leg until she can fasten it shut and relax, leaning in to kiss the child's forehead. "I know you want to see him. I'm certain he'll be missing you, too. But the roads are dangerous at night, and he and your father will want you safe too, don't you think? They'll be at your auntie's tonight." She's quiet a moment, studying Lup's expression, and then sighs and murmurs, "How about sending a message, then?"

Lup's eyes light up, instantly relieved, and her mother goes to fetch a quill from a locked box and offer it out to her. The child focuses intently on it for a long moment, then calls out, "Taako? How are you feeling, are you okay? Is your leg gonna fall off? It better not! Um- Mama and me just wanna say goodnight! Come home soon!" The spell winks out a few words early, but Lup doesn't notice, her eyes closed, waiting for a response. When her eyes open again, they're bright and happy. "He's okay! They're still with the healer. He says goodnight and that you gotta teach me how to count better."

Her mother laughs, loud and relieved, and trades the quill for a warm, soft cookie. A hand brushes a hand through Lup's hair as she takes a huge bite and grins with chocolate in her teeth.

----------

[And then she's back again, as if nothing had happened- and holding a small chocolate chip cookie.]

[As if nothing happened, but something had happened. There were many details that stood out, starkly, and those which blurred. Sensations that were gone and ... missed.

Too short, to truly grasp the meaning of it all. But it had been... something. Something more than her son had ever gotten, she knew. That reminder, always ever painful, but in this place it was not for her lack to come to bear.

The cookie, too, feels warm. She blinks when she realizes she's holding it now. The feelings... had not been unpleasant, but still shocking, to a system like hers.]

[As Haggar works her way through the remnants of that memory, Lup pauses in her mix and glances over, brows furrowing at the sight of her expression.]

...You okay?

... No.

[Not that she's ever really okay. But it's Lup. It's a strange mindspace, dream or not. There's really no reason to claim otherwise.]

You had a mother that cared for you, though you can not remember her face. But you recall... that. That feeling.

I did, yeah. I do.

[She lifts a hand, pressing her palm to her chest, her eyes closing.]

It was nice, for a while. Some kids grow up without ever knowing what a mom's supposed to be like. I used to think if I ever had kids those memories would become really important, so I held onto them as long as I could, but... most of 'em slipped away. That's the hard part of a long life, I guess.

[She watches her, taking in these words, her gaze lowering for a moment as she considers them. It was unsettling, to have her emotions and senses engaged on such a level, challenging where she had once been incapable.]

They are important.

[She very well knows a child who had never really known it, after all, her personal lack of memory of such things aside. Lup was lucky to know to hold on to what she could. Time was not kind, and she had experienced much since then, she knew.]

I... hope you do not lose this.

[Almost absently, she brings the cookie up to nibble at it. Certainly, there's more to draw her attention in the room, calling out like proverbial candy, but. The moment was needed after that.]

Yeah, same here. I think what I've got left is pretty safe, though. Not like I'm going senile or anything, just- I was really little, y'know? So everything's gone kinda fuzzy.

[She glances sidelong at Haggar, her smile shifting to a more apologetic expression.]

Sorry... this is probably hitting a little close to home, huh, even from the other side. I could have warned you.

[Did not, but could have.]

... you could have.

[There's a dry amusement that accompanies the words. It still was -- difficult, but it was better, too, to -- talk. It fades though, after a pause.]

Words can only do so much for preparation. I wonder, that if he should ... wander through here, that he might experience it. Or if that might do more harm.

[And that makes Lup's smile falter, and she hastily looks away.]

I don't want him here. All he'll see is static, probably. It'll hurt him, and it'll hurt me, too. I can... I can barely handle it in the waking world- it's taking way too much of my damned focus just to keep it together out there. I don't need that kind of pressure here, too.

[And the alternative... gods, that's too cruel.]

No, you do not. But you must be prepared for the fact that this place... often ignores such desires.

[As much as one could prepare for something like that, anyway.]

We do not know how long this will continue to happen. So many of our minds... linked in this manner.

What's your point?

[It's a bit short, almost snappish, not a typical attitude she likes to take with Haggar, but the subject has her on edge.]

Should I brace myself for the inevitable? Dig deep and find the misery before it finds me? No thanks. No bummers in this room. That shit goes over there.

[She gestures with her spoon towards the black curtains, and returns to mixing whatever's in the bowl.]

[She tilts her head to glance in the direction of the curtains, taking in Lup's tone. A place for the darker thoughts in her mind, she can respect that.]

... I see. Not here, then.

[Not that she's exactly racing her way over to the curtain. She still has a cookie, and as much as she's unintentionally upset this Lup, and even though it is still not quite real in a sense, she finds that she doesn't quite like the consideration of just breezing through and souring things in her wake. It was an odd enough consideration for her to have, to give her reason to pause, but... it meant something, to be able to understand that and not just do what she might have done without -- understanding what it meant to feel -- that.

Her gaze instead settles upon the next nearest impulse instead. Strange that a sheet of parchment would be closest at hand, an odd discernible vial of liquid drawing the eye.]

[Most of the parchment text is indiscernible, a scrawling of fine cursive with a complicated signature at the bottom, but if she looks closely a part of the title can be seen beneath the leather bag resting on top of it: "Polymorph" is all that's visible. The vial contains a dollop of shining silver liquid.

As Haggar's fingers brush over the paper, she's struck with an immediate sense of... wrong. It isn't overwhelming, but it's a feeling that refuses to be denied. Her body is a cage, suddenly. It's alien to her, poorly fitted to her shape. She wants to escape. She wants to fix it, to fit, but she's not allowed, why isn't she allowed-

this isn't me

it doesn't feel like me

I can't wait a hundred years

they're wrong

why won't anyone help me!?

The feeling passes, in a matter of seconds, replaced by the sensation of calm, of peace, of yes, yes. better. At the counter, Lup begins to hum again, in sharp contrast to the stress found within the preview of her memory. Whatever she might have felt in that moment, she shows no shame or fear in Haggar knowing about it.]

[It was... an odd sort of sensation. The context was vague, for a memory, but the concept seemed... well, not far from something that might be related to alchemy.

Except that this seemed far more personal in nature.

She glances back to Lup, noticing that she seems calmer. Perhaps distracted from the poor choice in topic earlier. She's quiet for a moment, contemplating it. It's more in her nature to not speak.]

You are... comfortable with yourself as you are now?

[Not quite a question, but musing enough.]

[Lup hums softly, a thoughtful sound, neither confirming nor denying.]

I'm much better than I was. It feels right, and... there's people who love me as I am.

[She pauses, considering her words once more, then adds, glancing at the parchment-]

You can try again. I don't mind if you know.

[There was significance in that pause, as Haggar considered the weight of Lup's reaction. It was strange, that there was something... valuable about the sense of having permission. Something that felt... important about the fact that she was able to learn to value such things at all.

Perhaps these contents would not be as dark as anything else they'd shared with one another, but... private. She nods after Lup finishes, and gently places her hand on the parchment once more.]

[The room dissolves into a memory, clearer than the last. She remembers these moments as clear as the day they happened.]

----------

The scenery shifts to reveal a forest that is quiet for only a second before two small figures burst through the brush, one after the other. They look identical, both about eight or nine, and are only discernible through their clothing and minute differences in hairstyle. They wrestle in the dirt for a while before one pins the other, holding them down until they slump and whine, conceding defeat. The victor raises both fists to the sky, shouting, "Taako down! Another win for Lup!" and then crawls off to help the loser up.

"Only 'cause you got the first move in," Taako mumbles, dusting himself off.

Lup scoffs. "Whatever. That means you owe me one. You promised to keep quiet." She waits until her twin huffs an agreement, fidgets, then reaches out to tug him in close. She cups a hand over his ear and whispers for a moment.

There's a long, lingering silence, until Taako finally breaks it with, "That's it? That's your big secret? I knew that already!"

Lup stares, then stomps her foot. "Liar! There's no way! Even I didn't-"

"Yeah you did, dingus, you just weren't saying it."

They bicker back and forth for a while, almost devolving into another wrestling match, until they finally settle down on a log and Lup lets Taako unravel and braid her messy hair. It's quiet until Lup whispers, "It's okay, right?"

Taako hums, gently tugging free a knot in her locks. "Yeah, it's okay."

"You swear? You don't mind?"

"Dummy. You're still Lulu."

They fall silent again, and when Lup sniffles, Taako reaches forward to wrap his arms around her.

-----

The scene shifts again. It's years later, and the two are standing in a room so finely decorated with ancient artifacts and expensive objects that they, scrappy preteens dressed like your standard fantasy peasants, look incredibly out of place. They're holding hands, and Lup is clutching a plain leather bag close to her chest as they wait. At last a tall male elf in equally intricate robes steps into the room and approaches them. He holds a hand out.

"You have the requested items?" Lup nods and hands the bag over, and they wait as he opens it to examine its contents. Coins jingle as he fishes two small bottles out and shakes the rest. Satisfied with his findings, he passes the bag to an assistant who'd followed him inside and gestures to the carpeted floor. "Sit down. We are not to be disturbed for an hour, after which the change will be permanent. This is your last chance: are you certain?"

Silence greets him, broken only by the weak, shuddering breath Lup takes. She opens her mouth, hesitates. Her hand clutches Taako's more tightly.

"Lulu, you got this," he whispers. She looks over at him, eyes wide, frightened. "We got this."

She lets go of his hand only to fling her arms around him, clinging tightly. While she hugs him, she finally calls out, "I'm sure. I'm ready."

They sit down as he arranges the bottles, holding them in one hand while he waves a candle with the other, smoke wafting through the air. A bolt of arcane energy flies towards them and hits Lup in the chest, but she makes no move to dodge or resist it. She closes her eyes, holds fast to Taako's hand, and waits. Nothing discernable happens, but after a few seconds she gasps, tugging Taako closer to herself, and hunches over, trembling.

"Lup?" Taako calls quietly, mindful of the wizard's scrutinizing gaze. He looks defensive now, angry on her behalf. "Lulu, are you okay? Do you want to-"

"No," she mutters, and when she looks up at him she's smiling, tears of relief in her eyes. "No, it's just… it feels right. It feels just like it should, I think."

She closes her eyes again, and after a moment, so does he. They wait; fifty-nine minutes and counting.

---------

[When the memory fades, the bag of gold is gone and the vial of liquid has been emptied. Haggar will find the parchment in her hand and the text is clear now, easily read; many of the details are irrelevant, but a few things are noteworthy. It reads:

True Polymorph

The client, Lup, a male high elf (sun, New Elfington) aged 12, requests this spell for the purpose of changing his gender. His guardian, a paternal grandfather, has granted permission.

The cost, inclusive of labour, has been quoted at 850 GP. Material components are to be provided by the client at the time of casting. His twin will be serving as the visual focus and changes to aesthetic will be minimal, if any.

Due to the age of the client no financial penalty will incur should the client choose to withdraw before the spell is cast.]

[She's quiet for a long moment, as the memory ends. It's not so much the context of the memory that immediately strikes her as much as the relationship between Lup and Taako does; how young they were; sharing a closeness that perhaps only twins could. Even if that wasn't the point of the memory, hard not to get drawn to that aspect. They'd seemed... happy, just playing together. It was nice and... more than bittersweet, knowing their reality now. That one could not recall this simplicity.

The context itself was personal, though she had anticipated it would be, just not how deeply it was. Blinking slowly she glances down to take in the words appearing on the paper, frowning faintly at the contents, if only because they seem very wrong.

Hard also not to notice the age on the paper. They must have already lost their parents, given the listed guardian. It might have been far more difficult to achieve if they had no one at all. Even so, importantly, they had each other. Surely Taako had put his skills to use to help rally for his sister's cause.]

... It does not change who you are to me. [She says finally, looking back toward Lup, expression softening. It really hadn't.] I am glad that... you did not have to wait a century to feel better.

[That makes Lup turn, her eyes bright as she smiles; there's a relief there, subtle but present nonetheless.]

That's good. Would've been a bit of a deal-breaker otherwise. Anyway, you can thank Taako for that one- pretty sure it was his idea to gun for it again, after the folks kicked it. He said it was a stupid rule.

[And she agreed, just less noisily than him. It'd been hard enough to tell them, nevermind argue about it.]

It is not surprising, that he would have been so persistent once you had an opportunity.

[It was not particularly difficult to imagine that Taako would be insistent on a point for someone he genuinely would do anything for, even when compared to his current state of mind and dedication to certain things.]

Especially when it comes to rules he does not find favor with.

Oh, for sure. He's always been stubborn like that. I was lucky to have him- dunno how I'd have managed otherwise. For a long time, it's only because of him that I ever felt like I could be myself.

[She turns back to her work, scooping some of her mix out of the bowl to form little balls onto a tray.]

Our parents meant well, as far as I can remember- it's not like they were against it, but it's expensive work, and we were dirt poor more often than not. They were like, wait until you're an adult, and then you can do whatever you want! But elves aren't considered adults for a hundred years. And when you're ten that sounds like forever.

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