dreams in digital

[thespaceopera]

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for A-M characters )

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1. Check the first letter of your character's name as its written in our tags. A-M names comment here, and N-Z names go to the other post.
2. Make a note in your comment if anything especially triggering or graphic might show up in the Calibration. If you're not sure if something's worth noting or not, we suggest listing it anyway, just to err on the side of caution.
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4. Post your comment! It's fine if everyone's Calibrations end up looking and reading very different from one another. As long as you're having fun and following our guidelines, you're good to go. :)
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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C Akeldama Alisha Diphda Allura Baku Ben Douglass Belthazar Carl Grimes Connor

D - F Escha Malier Eithan Paine Felix Gaeta

G - I Glenn Rhee Grievous Haggar

J - M James T. Kirk (OU) James T. Kirk (AU) Kaname Bucanneer Keith Kitty Pryde Kogarasumaru Kolivan Krolia Lance Leia Organa Leilani Lavellan Libra Loki Lordon Gesh Lup Maggie Rhee Magnus Burnsides Manji Messer Ihlefeld Mikleo Mirage Farina Jenius

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Comments

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve recoils from that]

That is how you see yourself? As poison?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is unperturbed. ]

Of course. I would think my history makes that quite clear.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve, baffled, shakes his head]

You got a monopoly on making bad calls all of a sudden?

[dothelokimotion]

[ a flat look. ]

Considering all that has happened, I think it is more than just a few bad calls.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He shrugs, unimpressed]

You can call them what you like, but they're just mistakes. And ones you clearly regret. Don't know how that makes you a monster.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki stares at him. then his eyes flash. ]

Regret does not shape people into better people. Regret is a construct used to make people feel worse, to keep them on a leash. Because if you regret, you are more human, more acceptable. If your friend did not regret what he did, controlled or not, do you think anyone would have bothered to deal with him?

I know what I've done. I can trace every wrongdoing, every mistake to my own hubris. I am not afraid to own up to the worst. Everything that has happened is because of me. Me! No one else.

[dothelokimotion]

[ with that, the anger seeps away. ]

I am tired. Tired of being told to die, tired of dying, tired of trying.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve is unmoved through the shouting and the anger. He watches Loki until he deflates and then steps closer by a small margin.]

Regret is realizing that, if you could, you would change what you'd done. Its what stops you from making the same mistakes in the future.

[Loki looks so exhausted by all of this. Steve isn't sure what to do but he doesn't like hearing people give up hope.]

Everything that has happened, yeah. It was you. But everything that will happen will be you, too. Regret isn't control. It's a guide.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks away. ]

I refuse to be ashamed any more.

[brooklyn_boy]

Then don't be. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his shoulders sag. ]

Is it not?

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve just shakes his head.]

You don't believe me, now. Maybe you won't for awhile, but there's not. The people who should be ashamed are the ones who do these things and sleep well at night. Not you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks up at steve, unreadable. ]

Do you truly believe that?

[brooklyn_boy]

I do.

[God Bless Steve, he doesn't need to think twice about things he believes or not.]

Those people are the poison.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki watches him briefly, his expression soft at the corners. ]

You are a strange one, Captain.

[brooklyn_boy]

I heard that a few times, growing up.

[He looks around the room, unsure now of what to do. He doesn't want to upset the tentative peace he's gotten but still feels like he needs to do more.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki watches his gaze wander. ]

What is it you'd like to see?

[brooklyn_boy]

I don't like putting my nose all over people's business.

[But he doesn't have a lot of choice, here.]

What would you like me to see, next? I don't want to invade your privacy...

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shrugs. on the outside, loki would care but this one, not so much. ]

You should finish the books.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He should. With a deep inhale, he reaches for the next one but pauses before he grabs it.]

Thank you, by the way. For sharing this with me.

[Not that he has a choice, really. But all the same.

He grabs the next book and holds it, waiting to see more.]

cw: suicide, superhero fighting, death

[dothelokimotion]

[ the voice was loki’s but fully distorted.

And so, the younger sibling kills one father to save another (cw: death). Pride fills him at last. At last the golden realm could love him. Could not discard him. He had done what no one else could. They could see that he was a true son of the golden realm. But his brother had returned, changed. Gone was the Giant-Killer, here was the gentler brother he had tried so hard to reach and failed, every time. Wrought with anger, fear and pain, they fought (cw: fighting) on the bridge between worlds. The bridge shattered under the weight of the hammer and they fell — nearly.

Nearly . . .

The younger son told the high king what he had been trying to do. He asked for understanding — he was a fool — he thought his family would take him back — but he wasn’t theirs — they saw him for his monster that he was and said no (cw: suicide). And thus, the monster was defeated, plunged back into the depths and the golden realm was saved . . .

The rest of the pages are filled with celebration and a single spread page with Thor and Odin standing over a mound of blue. And a pitiful voice whispers, I could have done it, Father. I could have done it. For you. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[This all hurts to watch. Not because Steve thinks that he was wrong about what he said before but because he can understand so much more acutely why Loki feels this way. He'd tried. He'd wanted to be worthy and wanted to be an equal. And in the end, he'd felt rejected by the people he loved most and sacrificed so much for.

When Steve looks up, his face is an open book for his thoughts though he tries very hard to hide it. But that just isn't the sort of person he is.]

I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Loki.

[He steps closer but pauses, not sure what is welcome in the tentative peace they have.]

You weren't a fool. You just wanted what everyone else wants. That's not foolish.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks away. ]

It never would have come to me.

[ he knows that now. no amount of trying to be like thor, to be a good son, to be anything others want him to be will yield any kind of satisfaction. loki may never like himself, but at the very least he has acknowledged who he is and used that as his strength. ]

To chase something like that is the height of folly.

[brooklyn_boy]

Maybe not the crown, but that wasn't what you wanted, really. Was it? [Steve laughs a little, humorlessly, shaking his head in memory]

You might be surprised, but I actually know a little bit about feeling inferior to pretty much everyone. You chased equality your way and I did it mine.

[He looks up at Loki.]

I don't think either of us got what we wanted.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression is unreadable. ]

But your inferiority was fixed.

I cannot be fixed that way.