driftfleet | dreams in digital

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dreams in digital

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Connor

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Lup

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pretty sure she knew. Lady seems pretty damn perceptive - even had your number.

[He knew she was gone already but it's sad to think that something so important was left unsaid. Taako could, if not empathize, at least sympathize. He didn't get the importance of family in anything other than the academic sense, but he did get it. For Loki, being lied to by his family, being led to believe the lie and complicit in it, was horrifying. He'd lived a relatively charmed life up until then, and then had it all yanked violently away from him. It had to be hard, losing all that.

Enough to wage a war? Maaaybe not, but gods fought on a different level than mortals. Taako would've just given some people a bad bout of the bathroom blues and split, resolving never to see any of them again. But he was used to being alone.]

Guess it's a lesson for later though, huh? Don't leave stuff unsaid? Or whatever.

I did not repeat the same mistake twice.

[ when he died . . . as he does, he told thor what he could. what mattered. ]

Glad to see one of us can learn then.

[He rubs the back of his neck, his ears twitching downward as he looks at the remaining portraits.]

But what about, y'know, memories of her from before all this? I'd totally get it if you don't really have any nice ones anymore - fuck if I even remember what my parents' names were, let alone anything nice they did - but you don't have the whole forgetting problem I have. So there's gotta be something, right?

What is there still matters, but it is difficult to call them good.

[ loki isn't saying his life is all bad or awful. and it takes him a moment to contextualize his answer. ]

That one lie threw everything into doubt. All the good became . . . questionable, uncertain. I stopped being able to tell what was truly real or not.

[Taako's not sure if he can relate to this - the idea of one single lie being so big that it taints everything that was once good in his life. He's been dealing with lying and stealing, fighting for every little thing in his existence up until now that he isn't sure there's anything that could rock his world so much. Maybe the idea that the Director has been lying to them about the Red Robes? But even then? That's just his boss. It's not like he really has any reason to think she wouldn't eventually lie to him, stiff him out of something. It'd hurt, sure, but he's used to that sort of betrayal. He's used to a lot of betrayal actually, and his whole life has been waiting for the other shoe to drop and blasting the person responsible before it can fall. Trusting no one works out for him, lonely as it might be. At least he's not like Loki now, uncertain and hurting.]

I mean, does it matter? The good was good, even if she wasn't telling you the whole truth the entire time. Better that than being treated like shit your entire life, right?

[ the problem is not so much that loki doesn't think there was nothing good. it is that his mind was fractured from it. that loki himself just couldn't tell what was real and what wasn't. he had confessed so to thor that the sickly sense of doubt will always be there. if thor said a memory was bad when it had been good for loki, he would immediately clamp down on himself and doubt the truth.

memories are imprecise. messy. ]

And that is why what is good is kept safe from doubt. What isn't is kept out here.

Oh so you do have good memories. You'd rather just-- [He waves somewhere, gesturing to the whole of this cracked and fragmented world. And rather than complete his thought, he stops, hand midair as he considers something.]

....

You know what? Fair. That's fair. [Keep the good things locked up and safe. The general principle behind most safes.]

So this is your "gotta work through it" pile of memories, huh?

More or less. They are all compiled in sections, to slowly be dealt with in time.

[ some of it was mostly done but recent events brought some of his older issues back to the forefront. hence the cracks in the floor. ]

[Taako snorts despite himself.]

That is the most administration-y thing I've ever heard you say. "Gotta collate these memories, Dave. Sort them into appropriate places, please."

[ loki shrugs, nonchalant. ]

It is important to keep an organized mental space. It's safer too, in case other people wander in here.

[ and loki has strong mental powers. he knows the value of a mind and how it operates. ]

Fair enough, but I think I prefer a mess.

[Taako considers himself a hot mess by both definitions and hopefully that'll translate to his headspace. If there's too much shit to look at, maybe people won't be able to find what triggers the memories.]

Better that they get lost and fuck right the fuck off. Taako's not open for mind-reading business or whatever this is. I mean, shit, this is, y'know, your private junk. Not exactly the sort of thing I'd welcome having aired out to whoever stumbled in.

[ loki raises an eyebrow. ]

I think most people would do so after seeing these. I certainly didn't make it easy.

And yet?

[He motions to himself, still in here despite all that he's seen.]

The harder the puzzle, the more people wanna try to see what makes it tick. Or whatever the saying is.

[ loki is bemused. ]

You truly wish to dig deeper?

[Taako shrugs.]

I'm here, I'm queer, I might as well peer-- No, wait, that rhyming scheme got away from me. But yeah, sure - if you wanna show me all those dark corners, why the fuck not? I have no idea if I'll remember this in the morning, or if you will, so what's the harm, huh?

Close enough. If you want, you're welcome to continue looking.

[ it's old pain. recently risen to the surface, but old wounds that have left scabs in their wake. loki will deal with them, eventually. ]

[He considers that for a moment, then looks around the room.]

How about this: you got something you wanna show me, handsome? I know I'd be pissed if people turned over rocks I didn't want flipped, so you point me to something you think I deserve to know and I'll, I dunno, do something in return?

[ loki purses his lips. that is difficult, especially in here. finally he shrugs, glancing to the table of books. ]

You could try there.

[There had been books in the last vision, too. He'd figured Loki was a reader, fit his personality to a T, while Taako was more of a doodle in the margins and pretend he didn't memorize the book the first go around type.]

Cool cool, here we go then.

[He moves away from the portraits, eyes lingering for a moment on the image of Frigga - a mother who loved and a mother who lied for that love - before he focuses entirely on the stack of books. Lots of leatherbound looking tomes, heavy and old, thin and intelligent looking. He tilts his head and bends at the waist, looking at the titles.]

Favorites from your long travels?

Unfortunately no. There would be far too many books for such a room. This is where the narratives are stored.

[ the stack of books don’t seem very interesting at first glance. Then you notice it’s like a series. The covers are blue with bold titles on them. The order seems to be.

The Tragedy of Loki
1. The Giant Killer
2. The Discovery
3. The Fall

There are a few that are unnumbered called Death and Rumours.

when you open up the books, you notice that there are no words. They’re all drawings of a childlike nature. As you flick through the pages, they start to move and change, taking on an entirely different scene. ]

[Man, he isn't kidding when he said this place contained all his doubts and unhappiness.

"The Tragedy of Loki?" Hooboy, that's a title.

Death is something he's keen to steer away from, so Taako glances at the other titles. Rumours? Or maybe The Giant Killer? That one sounds...well, it's going to be bad, but it's the first in the list so why not?

He grabs that one, flipping open The Giant Killer and is surprised to see children's drawings inside.]

Hey uh, no offense but--

[And then they start moving and Taako is drawn into the scene they play.]

[ you hear a voice clear as bells. It sounds like odin, gravelled but pronounced.

once upon a time, there was a war between monsters and gods But it ended with the monsters banished back to their world and the gods returning to theirs, overseeing the realms. In the golden realm, there lived two princes, the elder as bright as the sun and the younger as cold as the moon. They were brothers, as close as kin could be but only one could truly be king. And slowly, the younger brother watched as his brother fell deeper into arrogance and pride. He had beg, pleaded and tried to convince his brother many times to choose differently but the elder brother always scorned him.

The story breaks briefly as echoes can be heard around you, never doubt that I love you, never doubt, never doubt so please, please, listen to me, why won’t you listen to me?

They fade as soon as you turn your head to catch them, shadowed footsteps. When you turn back to the book, it resumes as normal.

So in desperation, the younger set off a plot. He would let the monsters into the golden realm to show to the rest of them that his brother was not ready. It went perfectly and his brother’s coronation was disrupted. Angered, his brother had charged into the frozen wastes, ready to slay the monsters. But he failed and the high king banished him ]

[The story is fascinating. A glimpse at Thor and Loki long before he knew them - like two different people. Thor had told him of this mistake in not so many words, admitted he'd done something the he deeply regretted. Seeing it is something entirely different.

Loki is so subdued in these memories, Thor so full of pride and anger. The voices that creep in turn Taako's head, but the story moves on before he can see who is talking. It's not the narrator, that's for certain.

Thor's banishment plays out in front of him and Taako frowns, looks up at Loki.]

Not so much a giant killer after all then, I guess.

[ loki shrugs loosely at that. ]

Thor felt the need to prove himself as a warrior. I was never much of one, so I never needed the proof.

[ of course that changed later, but those were extenuating circumstances. loki has a lot of pride and anger too, but they no longer scald him. ]

Big n' burly guys usually do.

[Taako is totally fine with letting them too, because that usually lets him relax and hide in the back where he's less likely to get hit so hard he dies. He might be able to deal out the damage, but glass cannons and all that jazz, he has the lowest HP in the party and knows it.

He snaps the book shut and sets it down on the table, going for the next in the order - The Discovery.]

I guess banishment cooled his head though.

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