driftfleet | [video/Action]

[ it's the feeling he gets when he figures out a really complicated hack or here -- when a project comes together. it's a feeling he knows, and can connect to - but wasn't expecting right at this second, and the surprise of it actually allows it to burrow its way underneath his fear.

he has a seemingly endless capacity to feel, and on top of everything else that he has been showing her, a deep sense of appreciation comes through as well. sure, her superpowers are cool, and saving lives definitely qualifies her to be a hero. but it's stuff like that that make her his hero.

he lets go of her hand, but only to wrap his arm around her shoulder, scooting closer so there's no distance between them. he's scared, and he's hurting, but all of that gets shoved aside in the face of her support.

taking a breath, he makes himself look out at the horizon. not down - but straight ahead. this is safe. this ride probably makes thousands of trips without incident, there's no reason this one should be any different. and if it is? kitty can air walk. and if for some reason that doesn't work either - all he has to do is scream and kara will find him. ok, so she got a heads up from the feds when she came to save him from them, but even so...he believes in her, he believes in both of them. they're not going to let him fall.

literally, or metaphorically. ]

[It's working and that feels better than she could have imagined. She keeps focusing on those memories and feelings for him, but there's love there too. So much love and understanding and commitment. He was right about needing time. She's been bad about allowing for time in the past and she doesn't want to make that mistake with him. She wants to do this right. She wants it to last.

She rests her head on his shoulder and looks out as their surroundings from the higher vantage point. It's a beautiful world. She wonders if earth was this beautiful before it was ravaged. She loved the skyline of Chicago with it's shops and restaurants and museums and, of course, Navy Pier and the ferris wheel, but she didn't get out much in time to see the natural wonders she only looked at in movies and books.]

[ he physically relaxes against her as he feels her really understanding where he's coming from. it moves him to his very core; not only does kitty care enough to do simple basic things like ask him questions and really want the answer - but she also cares enough to respect the fact that some of these answers are going to take time and effort. that's not something he takes for granted.

he presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. ]

So what's your second favorite ride?

[ he makes an attempt at resuming conversation, hoping they can keep on a happier track this time. he really did want so desperately to make today perfect for her - she was so excited about the carnival and he was so excited about getting to take her somewhere she really wanted to go... ]

Um, merry-go-round? [That's a lie. It's the roller coaster, but you'll for give her this one lie she hopes. She doesn't even mean to be particularly convincing. She just doesn't want to put him through this at high speed. If it is something they can enjoy together that will be the best for both of them.] And there are some games.

[ he laughs softly because that's sweet. as much as he hates holding her back - he loves that she gives him his tiny tiny pride. it's a protectiveness that he sometimes wishes kara would feel for him. sometimes, jokes sting. ]

I'm sorry. [ on ground level - he's the best date to take to a carnival, he's fun and goofy and will try anything. but that's a pretty limiting provision. his fear hasn't really held him back from doing too many things back home - ok, he misses out on flying with kara, but that's about it because it's not like he has money to spare on airline tickets - but here it feels like anything worth doing requires he deals with it. he feels like he's ruining the carnival for her. ]

I'm pretty good at the games.

Your apology is no good here, sir. There's no one I'd rather be with. [She nuzzles him softly.] Who else would put up with me?

Absolutely no one, I'm a saint.

[ the joke would be painfully obvious under normal circumstances, but sitting as close as they are, it comes through loud and clear that to him it's still shocking that she hasn't been snatched up by someone else, someone better, because how can anyone not fall in love with her? it was so easy, so instant for him. the very first time they talked he was already into her. after the first time they met he already couldn't stop thinking about her. and the first time they kissed...she blew his mind. ]

I'm glad you recognize it. [She wishes he recognized it. She thinks about that awkward, tense moment when they met and she wanted to kiss him, but she didn't. It wasn't exactly a slow burn for her either. When Kara told her that he'd been interested in her it was complicated but also...there was relief that he wasn't actually with anyone.]

[ he hasn't been with anyone for a very long time, especially seriously. and he's never been in a relationship anywhere near this intense. he's never been with anyone he's felt loved him every bit as much as he loves her, and it's still really weird, in a way. a subconscious part of him is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. ]

I am very smart. [ he may not be an everything genius like her ex (always coming up short. it's infuriating.) but he's pretty brilliant in his own right. he's just a little slow in this particular subject. he's been burned a lot. ]

You are. But if you keep thinking about my ex, I might get jealous. [She kisses his cheek. Hoping that was playful enough to keep it light.]

Sorry, I'll switch to Cisco.

[ his playfulness loses something when they're connected like this. it's hard for him, not to be jealous or resentful of reid. it's actually kind of impossible. he doesn't think of cisco just then, he thinks of james, and how obvious and frustrating the whole thing had been from day one. how much pride he had to swallow to sit there and tell the guy to just go for kara already, he was hurting her, he was hurting lucy, and frankly he was hurting winn by forcing him to have that conversation. when it comes down to it...more than anything he wants the people he loves to be happy. even when that means he won't be. ]

[It just gets hard sometimes with the link. She misses Reid. Not for scary reasons. She doesn't want him back. It was pretty clear whatever they had once was broken and gone, but he had been her best friend for quite awhile there and she misses that part of him. She wants to know that he's safe and happy. But she can't know any of that.

She was about to tease back that Cisco was a much better choice when she sees images of someone she doesn't recognize and has the oddest sensation of being jealous and resentful toward him.] Who? ...James?

...yeah.

[ and if he sounds surprised it's because...he is. he hasn't been thinking about people from home nearly as often as he feels he should've. he wasn't prepared for the sudden memory, and the feelings that come with it. he and james may have the weirdest friendship ever but...it's a friendship. one of very few friendships he had back home and that means a lot to him, even if james only got him as part of the kara package deal, even if they don't really understand each other and he's spent most of their relationship being jealous of the guy. it's the best he had. when he goes back there with kitty...maybe they can have something better, something more equal. he can be genuinely happy for him and kara now. ]

No need to be jealous of him anymore, right? [Not that he couldn't be jealous just of him taking his friend's time.]

[ it's a little more complicated than that; he wasn't only jealous of james' success with kara - it's everything james represents. he's confident, handsome, tall, strong, masculine, cool, good with words - all of the things that winn isn't. things that people have been leaving him for his whole life.

and he did monopolize kara's attention. it had hurt so much, when he was trying to open up to her, let her know how he felt about her - and all it took was for james to walk in the door to turn him invisible. no longer being romantic rivals makes things easier between them but...they still have issues between them. ]

I'm over Kara. [ because that's what he thinks she's asking. and saying it -- also feels kind of good. he didn't think he'd ever get here but he agrees with kara now - their friendship is so good right now. and she wouldn't have given him what he needs. he never knew it before because he's never had someone like kitty in his life -- but she's exactly what he needed. ]

I know you are. [She kisses his cheek. She hadn't meant to fish for that. She trusts him to be with her. And she'd understand if there were some lingering feelings and attraction.]

I think you're the whole package, you know? You don't have any romantic rivals.

[ he can't say the attraction's gone, but it's turned into more of an aesthetic appreciation. kara is beautiful, but with every passing day he sees her more and more like family. it's a good feeling. ]

Kitty, the guy's a titan. [ he knows he's no troll but -- come on. he wouldn't have picked himself over james either. ]

Sooo, you think me and James should give it a shot? [Can you feel how little interest she has for that? It's none. Zero interest.]

That's not funny.

[ ok it's a little funny, but a part of him is so insecure that even though he knows james is in love with kara and kitty is in love with him and neither one of them would want to hurt him like that -- it still makes him nervous. what if when he takes her back to national city, she'll see him the way everyone else sees him back home? boring, silly, eye roll worthy winn. only good for solving your tech problems. ]

No. [Soft kiss.] Romantic. [Another. Rivals. [And again.]

[She loves him and that is clear in the way she feels about him through the link. She gets warm, excited feelings that make her feel like laughing for no reason because there's just too much good inside and she doesn't know what to do with it. He's smart, funny, and thoughtful to a fault.

And desire? That's definitely there. She always thought he was handsome from the moment she saw him on his first arrival, but now he's the most beautiful person in the world. Love goggles will do that to you. She's memorized things about his eyelashes and chin that would make a sketch artist's day.

There's also one more thing and it's not as personally flattering, but it's still very real for her. Probably for both of them. She so desperately wants some stability in her life. Someone she can count on. Someone she can be with a week from now, a month, a year, a decade. She has a hard time believing in the future, but she wants to look at someone and not see an end either. She doesn't want to stray. She wants the security of him. She's not looking for the next great thing. She's found someone great and she stopped looking. It doesn't mean she wouldn't choose him over and over again, but it's not even a consideration. He's hers as long as she's his.]

[ he leans in for a deeper kiss, one that's slightly tinted with a desperation to remain hers. for his part, he's convinced no one could be as right for him, no one could love him the way she does. and yes - he wants to be with her because he loves her, he loves her so much it hurts. he's always thinking about her, trying to find things or ideas that would make her smile, because he loves the way she smiles - she has the best smile. but him loving her is almost inevitable to him, it's granted. her loving him...that's what really makes them special. he could never walk away from that. he can imagine them back in national city building a life together so clearly, the fantasies are almost as clear as his memories. he could help her pay for college, so she'd finally get to experience it, they could have study sessions late into the night with piles of pizza and a lot of make out breaks. they could have silly arguments about whether or not his adult collectibles should get to stay on display or get shoved in the back of the closet. they could have lazy nights lying on the couch with netflix, and exciting nights out on the town, going dancing. he wants it all so badly. ]

[She presses back and she can see the things he's imagining and it's touching and it scares her. Does she really fit into that world after the one she was raised in? Was it like bringing a lion with you and expecting it to behave like...like a kitty? And yet there was something so tempting in it or at least in his desire for it. She can't quite hold back the thought of children following it someday. A wish she doesn't feel close to saying out loud, but the feelings are there.

She pulls back from the kiss.] Hey, you have to be careful about that pedestal you have me on. It's a long fall.

[ when she thinks of children panic starts to well up in his chest, even though he knows it would be a long way away. he's had nothing but role models to teach him how not to raise a kid, and when he was one the others were so cruel to him. yeah, he had fun with carter, but the moment he turned his back to get their dinner, the kid ran off to find supergirl and nearly got himself killed.

he's not responsible enough for kids. ]

You can air walk.

[ he knows he has a tendency to completely blind himself to the faults of people who give him an inch, and kitty's certainly given him more than that. but kitty is amazing, of that he has no doubt, and he really doesn't think anyone else could ever love him like that, and if his feelings aren't reciprocated, it can't ever be as good. ]

[She knew he wasn't ready to have kids. She's not ready either. But at the same time he's already many years older and more settled—or he was before being abducted—so the panic isn't the best kind of feeling to get from him. She can hide the disappointment from her face, but not from the link. She does understand it's just...if she were going to believe the future really exists then she'd like to think there are children in it for her someday.]

Mm, that's cheating.

[ he may be older and more settled, but he's a lot less mature in a lot of ways. he hates how much older than her he is, especially in times like these because he knows it works against him.

he strokes her cheek, hurting at the thought of disappointing her. ]

Hey, I'm not saying never. I just -- I'm not good at this. [ and this is a big deal. this could be the thing that breaks her, that makes her decide he's not worth it anymore, and it's scary, but so are kids. he knows how bad they can get, how screwed up, and he's terrified of being the thing to screw them up. he's never been around them as an adult, he doesn't have any siblings so no nephews, he barely has any friends and the ones he has are all childless too...and he's scared. ]

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