dreams in digital

[thespaceopera]

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for A-M characters )

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1. Check the first letter of your character's name as its written in our tags. A-M names comment here, and N-Z names go to the other post.
2. Make a note in your comment if anything especially triggering or graphic might show up in the Calibration. If you're not sure if something's worth noting or not, we suggest listing it anyway, just to err on the side of caution.
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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C Akeldama Alisha Diphda Allura Baku Ben Douglass Belthazar Carl Grimes Connor

D - F Escha Malier Eithan Paine Felix Gaeta

G - I Glenn Rhee Grievous Haggar

J - M James T. Kirk (OU) James T. Kirk (AU) Kaname Bucanneer Keith Kitty Pryde Kogarasumaru Kolivan Krolia Lance Leia Organa Leilani Lavellan Libra Loki Lordon Gesh Lup Maggie Rhee Magnus Burnsides Manji Messer Ihlefeld Mikleo Mirage Farina Jenius

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki frowns. ]

I am not a good brother. And you do not know the whole story.

[brooklyn_boy]

And you're not the one who gets to make that judgement.

[Steve turns and looks to the next book, picking it up to go on.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki merely shakes his head.

the voice is different from that of the giant killer. This time, it’s clearly thor’s voice dictating the book. He sounds younger though, boisterous and happy.

the younger sibling ran into the vault, where the casket of ancient winters resided. There, he discovered the awful truth about his heritage. He was not a son of asgard, but a monster from the frozen wastes. Weary from the elder’s betrayal, the high king fell into a deep sleep. And then . . .

Then the younger was given kingship by his mother. His brother was gone, his friends cursed him and abandoned him and his mother was heartsore from the loss. He was alone and he knew that when his brother returned, he would return full of wrath. His father would wake, full of anger. He knew that the hammer would fall on him for what he had done. So he tried to rid the golden realm of monsters by plotting to destroy its king. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve doesn't know what to say to that. He at the very least can understand why Loki and Thor have the problems they always seem to. This is a complicated past to be sure. It makes Steve feel, maybe for the first time, that he should feel really lucky that he was only ripped out of his time instead of finding out everything about his life had been a lie. And then what he'd done to Thor...]

You did what you thought was best...

[He tries to keep any and all pity off his face and out of his voice.]

I'm not saying I agree or that it was the right thing to do. But you were doing what you thought you had to, then. [He doesn't envy Loki's burden, though.]

If you could go back, would you do it again?

cw: suicide idealisation

[dothelokimotion]

[ this loki does not have the intense personality of his counterpart. this is the mind where loki is caretaker, more balanced. oddly and utterly blunt with the truth in a way loki would never be. ]

If I went back, I would hurl myself off the edge as many times as it took. Best to cut off the poison before it runs too deep.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve recoils from that]

That is how you see yourself? As poison?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is unperturbed. ]

Of course. I would think my history makes that quite clear.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve, baffled, shakes his head]

You got a monopoly on making bad calls all of a sudden?

[dothelokimotion]

[ a flat look. ]

Considering all that has happened, I think it is more than just a few bad calls.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He shrugs, unimpressed]

You can call them what you like, but they're just mistakes. And ones you clearly regret. Don't know how that makes you a monster.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki stares at him. then his eyes flash. ]

Regret does not shape people into better people. Regret is a construct used to make people feel worse, to keep them on a leash. Because if you regret, you are more human, more acceptable. If your friend did not regret what he did, controlled or not, do you think anyone would have bothered to deal with him?

I know what I've done. I can trace every wrongdoing, every mistake to my own hubris. I am not afraid to own up to the worst. Everything that has happened is because of me. Me! No one else.

[dothelokimotion]

[ with that, the anger seeps away. ]

I am tired. Tired of being told to die, tired of dying, tired of trying.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve is unmoved through the shouting and the anger. He watches Loki until he deflates and then steps closer by a small margin.]

Regret is realizing that, if you could, you would change what you'd done. Its what stops you from making the same mistakes in the future.

[Loki looks so exhausted by all of this. Steve isn't sure what to do but he doesn't like hearing people give up hope.]

Everything that has happened, yeah. It was you. But everything that will happen will be you, too. Regret isn't control. It's a guide.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks away. ]

I refuse to be ashamed any more.

[brooklyn_boy]

Then don't be. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his shoulders sag. ]

Is it not?

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve just shakes his head.]

You don't believe me, now. Maybe you won't for awhile, but there's not. The people who should be ashamed are the ones who do these things and sleep well at night. Not you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki looks up at steve, unreadable. ]

Do you truly believe that?

[brooklyn_boy]

I do.

[God Bless Steve, he doesn't need to think twice about things he believes or not.]

Those people are the poison.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki watches him briefly, his expression soft at the corners. ]

You are a strange one, Captain.

[brooklyn_boy]

I heard that a few times, growing up.

[He looks around the room, unsure now of what to do. He doesn't want to upset the tentative peace he's gotten but still feels like he needs to do more.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki watches his gaze wander. ]

What is it you'd like to see?

[brooklyn_boy]

I don't like putting my nose all over people's business.

[But he doesn't have a lot of choice, here.]

What would you like me to see, next? I don't want to invade your privacy...

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shrugs. on the outside, loki would care but this one, not so much. ]

You should finish the books.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He should. With a deep inhale, he reaches for the next one but pauses before he grabs it.]

Thank you, by the way. For sharing this with me.

[Not that he has a choice, really. But all the same.

He grabs the next book and holds it, waiting to see more.]