dreams in digital

[thespaceopera]

[ Calibration Rooms ]
( for A-M characters )

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ROOMS BY CHARACTER

A - C Akeldama Alisha Diphda Allura Baku Ben Douglass Belthazar Carl Grimes Connor

D - F Escha Malier Eithan Paine Felix Gaeta

G - I Glenn Rhee Grievous Haggar

J - M James T. Kirk (OU) James T. Kirk (AU) Kaname Bucanneer Keith Kitty Pryde Kogarasumaru Kolivan Krolia Lance Leia Organa Leilani Lavellan Libra Loki Lordon Gesh Lup Maggie Rhee Magnus Burnsides Manji Messer Ihlefeld Mikleo Mirage Farina Jenius

(last updated: 1/21/19)

Comments

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve looks at the area and whistles low in admiration. It's beautiful here. Is this Asgard? He doesn't know and there isn't much around to assist educating him. But it doesn't matter. This place isn't real so Steve intends to just enjoy the view and try not to pry more than necessary to get out.

His eyes fall on Mjolnir which draws him closer. Thor's hammer in the center of the room? Subtle, Loki.

He walks to it and rests his hand on the end of it, remembering what it was like to pick it up, once. Or at least try to.]

Real subtle...

[dothelokimotion]

[ Mjolnir. It feels imposing, like thunderclouds above your head. Everything feels narrowed to you and this singular object, this force of nature. You are caught in its vortex and an overwhelming need to prove yourself. Can you lift it? Dare you try? ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve is pulled forward, a need gripping under his breastbone and yanking. Mjolnir calls to him like it hadn't ever before. He reaches out and wraps his hand around the middle of it. He'd done this once before, not so many years ago. And then, like now, he pulls hard, trying to lift it.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Mjolnir doesn't seem to budge. The lights around you dim, leaving nothing else but the dark and stars all around you. They sing to you, the song of the universe, but you can only hear it in your soul. your fingers strain but it will not budge.

In fact, you seem to be sinking a little. Your every insecurity is screaming at you in your head, you can't do it, you can't lift it, no one can lift it, you're not worthy ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve is no stranger to insecurity. The words sound like everything he'd told himself and been told nearly daily growing up. He was too weak. He was too sick. He couldn't do it. Couldn't do anything.

As he sinks, he lets it surround him. Lets it penetrate him until the piece of him that is still Steve fights back. He has to try. Giving up...that's how people lose everything.

So he keeps pulling, heedless of where it will lead him.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ and it . . . budges. only a little, but it is enough to bring a change to the room. the light dims until everything is pitch black. except.

except the stars come alive. bright sparks that spin wildly to create the scenes you see before you. they seem to form images out of starlight, akin to the flicker of a camera reel, but the light, the light sinks into your skin like a breath of fresh air. electrifying and so full of . . .






. . . full of . . .



. . . love. it's overwhelming, this singular thought, free of all doubt, all pain, all suffering. untinged, untouched, pure.

eventually, the light comes back to the observatory. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[It staggers Steve. Feeling all of this at once. It staggers him to the point where he's almost ready to fall to his knees once he releases the hammer.

If he'd ever doubted where Loki's loyalties truly lay, he doesn't doubt it anymore. Thor. Always Thor. The one thing in Loki's life that seems to be completely pure and unblemished in the center of everything else. His eyes shine, exposed to such a feeling. He swipes at them with the back of his hand, looking around to see if the man is here]

Family. It means everything... Thor is lucky to have you in his corner.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki seems a little … different. Someone seems to have taken a brush to his face, because there are swathes of blue in a zig-zag pattern and one of his eyes seem to be a dark, blood red. His form seems to flicker on and off as if he’s not truly there and his voice tends to distort, like radio static. When you step onto the bridge, you can hear the siren song of the V̵̙͓̦̺͆͗̋ͩ̒ͅo͓͓̹͎̪ͪ͂ͧ̓ͨ̋͞i̭͎̹͍ͤ͊̆d͏͓͔̭̜͚, calling for your oblivion. He turns to face you. ]

If you knew the whole story, you would not call it luck.

[brooklyn_boy]

No. I don't suppose I would.

[The void is calling but he stares at Loki's changed face, ignoring it for the moment]

Do you want to tell me the whole story? I'll listen.

[dothelokimotion]

It is not a story that can be spoken or told. The narrative is always shifting. The books will hold the answer you seek.

[ to the beginning and to the miserable end. loki is made of miserable endings. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve wants to ask if this is alright. He wants to ask permission to intrude in something so personal. But he also knows that these rooms don't always work like that. And, privately, he just wants to know.

He walks over to the books, picking the top one up, first]

Show me, then.

[dothelokimotion]

[ the books flips open for you. you hear a voice clear as bells. It sounds like odin, gravelled but pronounced.

once upon a time, there was a war between monsters and gods But it ended with the monsters banished back to their world and the gods returning to theirs, overseeing the realms. In the golden realm, there lived two princes, the elder as bright as the sun and the younger as cold as the moon. They were brothers, as close as kin could be but only one could truly be king. And slowly, the younger brother watched as his brother fell deeper into arrogance and pride. He had beg, pleaded and tried to convince his brother many times to choose differently but the elder brother always scorned him.

The story breaks briefly as echoes can be heard around you, never doubt that I love you, never doubt, never doubt so please, please, listen to me, why won’t you listen to me?

They fade as soon as you turn your head to catch them, shadowed footsteps. When you turn back to the book, it resumes as normal.

So in desperation, the younger set off a plot. He would let the monsters into the golden realm to show to the rest of them that his brother was not ready. It went perfectly and his brother’s coronation was disrupted. Angered, his brother had charged into the frozen wastes, ready to slay the monsters. But he failed and the high king banished him ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve had no idea the background of this was so involved. Wars and competition that the two boys needed to grow up with hanging over their head. But what was most remarkable was the love that Steve could still see. Things went wrong, yes. Of course things went wrong. But the intention. The undercurrent beneath it all. When the memory ends, Steve is smiling despite what he's seen.]

You are a good brother

[He shakes his head a little reconciling all he's seen]

I saw the banishment in Thor's room. Now I know the full history behind it. I didn't believe there that he hadn't been worthy. But now...now I can see why you did what you did.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki frowns. ]

I am not a good brother. And you do not know the whole story.

[brooklyn_boy]

And you're not the one who gets to make that judgement.

[Steve turns and looks to the next book, picking it up to go on.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki merely shakes his head.

the voice is different from that of the giant killer. This time, it’s clearly thor’s voice dictating the book. He sounds younger though, boisterous and happy.

the younger sibling ran into the vault, where the casket of ancient winters resided. There, he discovered the awful truth about his heritage. He was not a son of asgard, but a monster from the frozen wastes. Weary from the elder’s betrayal, the high king fell into a deep sleep. And then . . .

Then the younger was given kingship by his mother. His brother was gone, his friends cursed him and abandoned him and his mother was heartsore from the loss. He was alone and he knew that when his brother returned, he would return full of wrath. His father would wake, full of anger. He knew that the hammer would fall on him for what he had done. So he tried to rid the golden realm of monsters by plotting to destroy its king. ]

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve doesn't know what to say to that. He at the very least can understand why Loki and Thor have the problems they always seem to. This is a complicated past to be sure. It makes Steve feel, maybe for the first time, that he should feel really lucky that he was only ripped out of his time instead of finding out everything about his life had been a lie. And then what he'd done to Thor...]

You did what you thought was best...

[He tries to keep any and all pity off his face and out of his voice.]

I'm not saying I agree or that it was the right thing to do. But you were doing what you thought you had to, then. [He doesn't envy Loki's burden, though.]

If you could go back, would you do it again?

cw: suicide idealisation

[dothelokimotion]

[ this loki does not have the intense personality of his counterpart. this is the mind where loki is caretaker, more balanced. oddly and utterly blunt with the truth in a way loki would never be. ]

If I went back, I would hurl myself off the edge as many times as it took. Best to cut off the poison before it runs too deep.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve recoils from that]

That is how you see yourself? As poison?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is unperturbed. ]

Of course. I would think my history makes that quite clear.

[brooklyn_boy]

[Steve, baffled, shakes his head]

You got a monopoly on making bad calls all of a sudden?

[dothelokimotion]

[ a flat look. ]

Considering all that has happened, I think it is more than just a few bad calls.

[brooklyn_boy]

[He shrugs, unimpressed]

You can call them what you like, but they're just mistakes. And ones you clearly regret. Don't know how that makes you a monster.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki stares at him. then his eyes flash. ]

Regret does not shape people into better people. Regret is a construct used to make people feel worse, to keep them on a leash. Because if you regret, you are more human, more acceptable. If your friend did not regret what he did, controlled or not, do you think anyone would have bothered to deal with him?

I know what I've done. I can trace every wrongdoing, every mistake to my own hubris. I am not afraid to own up to the worst. Everything that has happened is because of me. Me! No one else.

[dothelokimotion]

[ with that, the anger seeps away. ]

I am tired. Tired of being told to die, tired of dying, tired of trying.